One of the perks of being flat on your back due to fever is that you get to catch up a lot on TV that you normally wouldn’t be caught dead watching.
Yesterday I was channel surfing, and in my misery I came across “Love, Transamerican Style”. And since misery loves company, I settled in to watch for a bit.
You must have heard of this show hot mess. Its the “our bachelorette used to be a bachelor and is now wookin’ po nub” reality show starring bachelor/ette Calpernia Addams.
“No….. words….to describe it….they should have sent…. a poet…”
Yeah. Maybe a Vogon poet. Oh my fucking Allah what a fierce hot tranny mess! I finally get it, Christian! I GET IT!
I kept channelling Ferocia Coutura and coming up with “unfierce tranny diva trainwreck”. Some of that could have been the Nyquil though.
The glorious episode in question was the one where Calpernia takes the 4 remaining bachelors (all of whom are shorter than she is by a good foot) to a gay country & western bar so that they can two-step her around the dancefloor. The best dancer wins the coveted “one-on-one date” with her.
*shudder*
The guys were all “dragged out” in skin-tight wranglers, 10-gallon hats, and huge belt buckles. And then Calpernia struts in.
In daisy dukes and a halter flannel shirt no less.
It was only one butt-slapping fence from being “SHee-Haw”.
And then (god help us) the dancing started. Picture, if you will, that chinese student standing in front of the tank in Tienamen Square. Now put the tank in a pair of daisy dukes. And then add a Shania Twain soundtrack.
Yeah, that’s what it was like. Only less graceful.
I swear it was like watching slo-mo footage of the epileptic seizures caused by that Wang Chung video.
In the end, I just felt sorry for Calpernia. She is such a caricature of a “woman”. The falsely demure, lispy voice, the oh-so-NOT-charming buck tooth grin. The ‘aw-shucks’ cornpone attitude. In some ways she’s even more tragic than Amanda Lepore. At least Amanda’s schtick is cartoonish on purpose.
Calpernia reminded me of that classic Bugs Bunny blind date reveal where they slowly lift the partition and you see great legs, an awesome Betty Grable figure… and then a dog face.
If I could find a picture of that cartoon I so would have done a “separated at birth”.
What a mess.
Mangina Monologues 
Oh your god – you have no idea. This show is such a train wreck.
From the horrible host, to her equally tragic tranny friend, this show is so horrible.
Isn’t her voice a bit too forced? Everything about her is a bit too forced.
The only redeeming quality of the show is that James St. James made a cameo and he is fierce.
Couldn’t you have watched MASH reruns or somethin?
So… you didn’t like it?
Mark 🙂
Calpernia is a beautiful woman, inside and out. Why don’t you try treating her like a fellow human being and not an object?
Trannies? You must be feeling better.
Dig the new banner!
Well, Jim- I suppose its because I feel that she recinded human status and became an “object” primed for ridicule as soon as she agreed to trot about on that abortion of reality show.
It’s pretty hard imagining something more tragic than Amanda Lepore.That night in NYC when she more or less impaled me on those iron nipples welded to those ’59-Cadillac bumper guards she calls tits? I still have the marks…
Wasn’t Calpernia Adams, the subject of the movie SOLDIER’S GIRL?
i love watching that show. but then again i love watching tila tequila too…and flava of love…and rock of love…and i am pathetic for watching those shows, aren’t i!?!
and she was the love interest of the soldier in the movie, soldier’s girl.
Calling Calpernia or Amanda for that matter a “caricature of a ‘woman'” is so predictably transphobic. So many women on reality tv and in the public eye in general are caricatures of some sort of another. Specifically, calling into question the gender of a trans woman is really tranphobic and more tragic than Calpernia could ever be because it feeds into a larger societal hatred and ignorance of transgender identities. Insulting her appearance further feeds into the spectacle of a culture that devours people in the public eye in such unfortunate vicious ways. Blogs like this one are certainly part of the problem
Transphobia is NOT funny! It’s as sickening as racism and Homophobia!! Why do gay men not understand this? Perhaps you are really butch, then are’nt you a caricature of a man? Use the word Tranny negatively, I’ll start using the word faggot the same way! It’s only fair.
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