So I had another visit from the cute, good kisser, furry, otter guy last night. Damn he is so HAWT!
I don’t know exactly what it is about him- maybe it’s pheromones- but I tell ya, the sexytimez are off the charts. Like toe curlingly good.
We also “connect” in a way that’s rare for me. Perhaps that’s what I’ve been missing, because I sure notice it with this one. Like, where you look at his face and it’s just naked with lust.
He’s only 20-something (like 27) but he just gets sex.
It’s very hot.
Now if only he were at all emotionally available….
This past holiday weekend was spend in Iowa doing more work on dad’s house. As was the weekend before that. And just when I think I’m making headway, it seems like there’s always more to do.
These past two weekends I’ve filled two more trash containers with crap to dispose of as well as filling the recycling bin. In addition, I paid to recycle a tube TV, free-cycled his older computers and electronics, and got rid of more golf clubs. I also boxed up all the food at his house for donation to a local food pantry.
And then came the cleaning.
One of the feedback points communicated from the most recent house showing was that “the house could just use a good cleaning”. This hurt as it feels like I’ve been doing nothing but cleaning it. But I stepped back and looked at it with a buyer’s eye.
The downstairs needed attention. So I washed windows inside. I dusted EVERYWHERE (tops of window ledges, shelves, inside drawers and cupboards, base boards, etc). I cleaned floors. Vacuumed. Completely did his office (polished wood and desks) and cleaned the workout room. I swept the furnace room floor and got rid of his bird seed.
Upstairs I washed windows. Wiped out the insides of drawers. Wiped out the vanities in the bathrooms. Scrubbed toilets. Wiped out sinks. Polished mirrors. Vacuumed. Dusted and polished.
Then there was the outside work.
Scrubbing and sweeping his deck. Mowing and raking. Spraying for weeds. Pulling weeds. Pruning and cleaning up trees. Cutting back volunteer trees. Cleaning the pond. Sweeping the garage.
I’m getting the place down to where all the remaining items will need to be sold in an estate sale or tossed in a dumpster. Most of what’s left are some kitchen items for goodwill, furniture items, and some garage things. Or weekend I’ll need to get a dumpster or one of those big waste bags, so I can just start tossing shit.
But I was kind of waiting for the house to sell before doing that.
I’ve been whittling away at this for 3 months now– and it seems as daunting as ever. I need a break.
So. I had some good sexytimez last night. Really good. Superior quality, in fact. Which kind of got me to thinking…
What was it about this guy or this sex that made it so good?
Everyone talks about “chemistry”, right? Good chemistry. But what IS chemistry really? Is it just pheromones? Or a basic level of mutual attractiveness? Or having a well matched “Tab A” and “Slot B”?
Well, last night there definitely was the attractiveness. I think he’s wickedly hot and much about his physical appearance ticked my boxes. Furry chest. Facial hair. Basic otter construction. Younger.
He was also an excellent kisser. You know how sometimes you kiss someone and it’s a dogfight and kind of awkward, but other times you kiss someone and everything just works? Yeah, this was definitely the latter.
And the sexytimez? Hoo boy howdy! Some damn fine stuff there!
And this was what got me to analyzing. I’ve had my fair share of sex, and sometimes it’s just meh. Sometimes it’s decent, and I’ve had a couple times where it’s awful. And then there was sex like last night.
So… What makes the sex mmm mmm good?
After much ruminating, I’ve decided that there are three keys to having good sex. (I think there are really probably four, but three is a magic number). So without further ado:
CB’s Keys to Good Sexies
1) Be selfish
Sex is not about diplomacy and negotiation- not really. You are a slutty pirate and you need to get yer booty by hook or by crook! Arrrr matey!
Now, I’m not advocating rape here. I’m also not saying to just be in it for yourself. What I am saying is that you need to know what trips your trigger, and then go for exactly that. Because when you are aroused, that excitement will easily transfer to the other person. This goes both ways of course. Because seeing (and feeling) them greedily go for what they want should also stoke your fires, too.
Nothing quenches desire quicker than trying to legislate what is going to happen to whom, and how it will happen, who’s responsible for what, etc.
Oh, and don’t be embarrassed by your desires and your hot buttons. Just go for it! Best case, they have the same buttons and it’s a match made in heaven. Worst case, they politely tell you that’s not their yum.
Which brings me to…
Communication is key in any social situation- sex most definitely included. You should always be verbal and comfortable in expressing timely feedback. This really goes with being selfish, but it’s more “asking for” rather than “taking”.
Saying things like “not so rough on my nipples” “I love watching you suck my cock” “Yes, just like that” “Harder!” “Jesus lord god Buddha and/or Allah, YES!!!” Are all helpful and encouraging to your partner. It also will give them clear direction as to what they can do to enhance pleasure.
And if things aren’t working for you, say so. Communication should be open. But don’t yuck someone’s yum- be respectful about it.
Furthermore, less direct verbal, and some non verbal communication also works. Moans, groans, grunts, etc all provide feedback. Kissing them passionately when they’ve successfully revved you to 11 is a great way to say “well done!”. And don’t forget eye contact. Smoldering gazes and urgently pleading eyes with pupils blown with desire all communicate volumes of information.
Caveat: in certain situations, super quiet sex sometimes needs to happen. This necessitates being really in tune non-verbally and/or mostly relying on tips 1 & 3.
3) Own your own orgasm
Don’t fall into the trap of trying to make the other person cum, or worse. Expecting the other person to just magically get you off. Be responsible for your own release, dammit. Trust me on this. (This all really goes cock in hand with the first two points).
If you get in your head and try too hard to do all the things that you think will make the other person cum, everything is just gonna get awkward. Plus, you’ll be so focused on all that, your pleasure will suffer. So then you’re excitement will wane. Which your partner will notice and that will get in his head.
Or, if you expect your partner to make you cum and it just isn’t happening, they’re going to get frustrated and despondent. Their enjoyment wanes… yours wanes. It’s just a downward spiral from there.
So, step up and focus on getting yourself off. Ideally this will also still involve the other person. Just use step 2 and let them know how they can help. “Tighten it” “Make it loose” “More hand” “More suction” “More lube” “More tongue” “Deeper” “Faster”. Whatever it takes, just make it happen.
And when all else fails, take matters into your own hands. Ain’t no same in that game. Plus it’s hot watching someone pleasure themselves. It’s like a window into their primal sexuality.
Oh, And if there can be a fourth key…
4) It’s All Good
Hey. Sex is supposed to be fun and feel good. It releases endorphins and other good things, it’s relaxing, and cumming is good for the prostate, etc. So whatever happens, just go with it. If one of you cums really quickly- hell, that’s a compliment! You got them so riled up they couldn’t stop.
Conversely, if a guy doesn’t cum and he seems cool with it, maybe he doesn’t need to in order to feel sated and that’s perfectly ok.
Also, recognize that people may have different sex thresholds. This is where 2 & 3 come into play. If you want to fuck for hours, but your partner is starting to lose enjoyment, you need to recognize this and achieve your orgasm before they stop having fun altogether.
Or if a guy cums before your quite ready to be finished- well, join him in finishing and focus on round two.
That’s it. And I really think it does start with being a bit selfish. Try it and see.
While driving back and forth to Iowa, I listen to a lot of NPR. There are so many shows I enjoy and it keeps me awake and entertained.
This past weekend I was listening to “This American Life” and there was an interesting poetry segment. It focused on William Carlos Williams poem This Is Just To Say.
This poem is used a lot when teaching poetry and is one of the most “spoofed” poems. Teachers have kids try to imitate it. And many people write funny or sarcastic versions of it.
In the show they use it to highlight the “non-apology” apology- which seems to pervade our society today. If people aren’t really remorseful but “the public” demands an apology, people tend to do kind of what Mr Williams does.
He basically issues a command (to his wife) of “forgive me” for eating her plums. But he isn’t sorry about it. He knew they were her breakfast and ate them anyway. And then rubbed it in by commenting how sweet they were.
It was a really interesting segment and the whole non-apology thing is really quite pervasive. Especially now with social media.
So I got to thinking– what spoof would I write?
This Is Just To Say
I voted for
In the last
Trump would probably
But Hillary was
And so Benghazi
And no. I didn’t vote for Jill (please!) but this is the perfect Bernie Bro apology- no?
Every year I look forward to Pride with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. It marks sort of the real start of summer for me (no more obligations/concerts) and it’s a week of fun and gayness– And drinking.
But it also highlights the difficulties of being single and without a cadre of friends.
I typically plan on attending two events– the beer dabbler on Friday and the Eagle beer bust on Sunday. The rest of my weekend is usually fairly open. As was the case this year.
I got my beer dabbler ticket (one) after checking with other people if they were going. Everyone I checked with had friends they were dabbling with so they all got tickets together. We agreed to try to meet up inside the event.
It took some doing, but I did manage to find some people I could hang with some, even if it wasn’t for the whole time. I was very much relieved to not be dabbling alone.
Saturday I didn’t do much. Errands. Worked out. Etc. I was kind of in a funk all day and suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out). I didn’t really want to do Pride Park by myself, and there is never much there that I’m interested in. It’s all business booths.
There were BBQ’s and pool parties and boating events– none of which I was invited to, so that added to the funk. And I tried to get people I knew to go to the Eagle for Bear night, but everyone had other plans or was at the $30 cover block party.
I ended up going to bed at 10pm.
Sunday was the parade- but again, I didn’t feel like standing and watching the parade by myself. I did that a few years ago and it was fairly miserable. Being in that big of a crowd and not having anyone to celebrate with was not a good time.
I did breakfast for one at my favorite cafe (pancakes) where I always sit at the counter so I can at least be near other folks while eating. Then I hit the gym to fill up some more time.
Eventually I made my way to the Eagle for beer bust n show tunes. I did manage to have quite a good time there. The place was crowded and I saw many folks that I knew. Guys were flirty and friendly and flush with Pride. I also got two friends to come and I was able to hang with them (and the other friends they brought) easily enough.
As I was deconstructing my Pride experience with another acquaintance friend of mine, I lamented that all I really want is one friend to do stuff with. A wingman. A buddy to hit the bars or parade with. Someone to be your safety net when you flirt with a guy and totally flame out.
I would be able to be so much more socially engaged if I had that modicum of support. I’d also be way more excited for these events and so much more at ease during them. Oh, and I would gladly be their support, too.
But I don’t have this.
So I have to make my own fun and be my own wingman. And yeah, I know I sound like a broken record, but trying to be social and engage while being all on your own is just so damn enervating.
It can also be slightly depressing, as you scroll through your social media and it’s chock full of photos of people you know, all smiling and having fun in various group events.
Instead of FOMO, it’s more like YAMO (you ARE missing out).
PS I did try to cultivate one new friend a few months back, but he travels so much it hard to do things. Also, he had made dabbler plans with a different friend.
Well, it’s that time of year. A time when gays celebrate the Pride. And Minneapolis Pride is this weekend.
And it’s been a long couple of weeks.
Business travel and chorus week from hell was last week which left me exhausted. Then I’ve had shit to do every night this week (band rehearsal, chorus dinner, singing at US Bank, etc. so daddy tired.
I am free for the weekend though and I’m currently waiting to enter the Pride Beer Dabbler event. Papa need a drink!
I also have a (straight) band concert this weekend on Sunday – so I miss the parade. But I should be able to make it to the Regal Eagle for Sunday beer bust.
Then a week of recovery.
Have a safe and fun Pride y’all!
And last but not least…