Because my Toledo Tuesday wasn’t as horrid as I was expecting–
Because my Toledo Tuesday wasn’t as horrid as I was expecting–
Today I travel to Toledo. Why? To visit Chrysler for work.
It’s a long story, but the abbreviated version is that Chrysler is not happy with a very subjective quality characteristic with our product and I get to be the sacrificial lamb that goes in to find a tactful way to tell them this is just what they’re gonna get.
I am not pleased.
Not only will this not be a fun visit, I had to get up at 4am for my flight and tonight is chorus rehearsal, which I will probably end up missing. And the whole visit will more than likely be a waste of my time.
So I’m a touch grumpy.
Whenever I get rejected by guys (and anymore this seems to be a fairly often occurrence) I tend to spiral down the hole of “what’s wrong with me?” I mean, I think everybody does this, right? Crushing self-doubt is de rigeur these days.
90% of the time I think I’m pretty darn cool.
It’s the other 10% of the time that can be a royal bitch and depressing as hell.
(Right now you’re all thinking “awww pity party for one”. But I’m not trying to be all poor me. I think my life is pretty good and I have tons to be thankful for. I’m just a bit lonesome is all.)
So be by an engineer, I tend to make pro-con lists. And I try to be as honest as possible with myself.
On paper I don’t think anything is that much of a red flag….
– drama-free (for the most part)
– gainfully employed
– not a drug user/addict/alcoholic
– animal lover
– (kind of) funny
– comfortable with myself
– decently traveled
– slightly overweight
– 47yrs old
– very sexually driven
– 99% bottom
– selective and sometimes acerbic sense of humor
– sometimes juvenile (in humor)
– too self-reliant
– need my alone time
– self-centered (?) (aka not giving enough of myself or my time)
– tendency to be judgmental
– can be stubborn and argumentative
– likes to push buttons
– very low drama threshold
– even lower hypocrisy threshold
I know you all are like “friendly?? NICE??” But really I am. I smile and say hi to people. I hold doors. I say please and thank you. I tip well. I don’t gossip or backstab. I get along with most people. I let people merge. I defer to other’s choices so as to keep them happy.
And sure I have baggage– we all do. But a majority of my Cons can be mitigated, especially if someone lets me know I’m being annoying in some way.
I think I’m the gay community though, what’s really working against me are my age, weight, and sexuality. These three things take me out of contention with like 99.99% of potential suitors.
So I’m diligently working on the weight thing. It’s the only one I can directly control. And it’s not like I’m huge– I just have a bit too much paunch.
And so I diet and exercise. And I do a weigh in every morning and record my weight.
The needle isn’t moving very quickly– but I keep at it.
Maybe after I lose 30 lbs, someone won’t mind me being a snarky, 47 year old bottom, huh?
Oddly enough, I have no black boots in my wardrobe. So I hopped online and did some Zappos searchin’.
Which reminded me that I like Blundstone Boots.
Which then led to another Amazon Prime purchase.
Which led to these:
I have them on today and I am quite enjoying them. They are gonna look so fetch at the club!
Is what I may have been saying today had he not sent me a message on Saturday to cancel on me.
Yup, another last minute cancellation.
And this one also had to suddenly go out of town for work which necessitated flying out in Sunday. Hence the cancellation of our dinner date.
Naturally he was apologetic and wants to reschedule when he gets back into town. And maybe this one is a legitimate excuse, but after being rejected by other guys using the exact same excuse has made me pretty much give up on this one.
Plus, I think there were some other red flags:
He never gave me his cell number, and he never called or texted after I had given him mine. I even asked if we could chat by phone… and nothing.
He also was inconsistent in his communication as “his best friend had just been in a bad car accident and he was dealing with that.”
These are red flags, right?
Why do I always attract the damaged ones?
P.S. it was Wichita. That’s where he was flying for work. And today is MLK day. Who does that?
So… I may have a date on Sunday. A DINNER date even! The only reason I say “may” is that I will forever be skeptical until it really happens, although this guy seems on the up and up.
Unlike the last one.
I don’t know if you all recall, but a guy asked me out on a date a few months back– in like November I think. He seemed fairly interested and we set up a time to meet for drinks. Which he cancelled at the last minute as he was called out of town on a work emergency.
Ok, so that’s … excusable I suppose. He continued to express interest and even promised me dinner when he got back. And then he basically ghosted my ass.
I reached out a few more times, joking about how he was going to owe me a really good dinner now– with no response.
At this point I’m assuming that he died in a fiery crash or is laying in a military hospital with amnesia or something. I mean, why else would he dis me so hard?
So back to this new guy. I’m hopeful but naturally a bit trepidatious, even more so as this is another OK Cupid date.
(Remember I’ve had two other OK Cupid dates: one was a nice guy, no chemistry and the other was that Russian racist kid that led to the most uncomfortable date I’ve ever been on.)
I’m trying to put myself out there more and open myself to the idea of going on dates. Not just “dates” (where the quotes mean an hour long date in my bedroom). Which is where OK Cupid comes in, as it is free and not as much a hookup app as Scruff, Grindr, Growlr, Jack’d……
On paper (aka digital social dating media self description) this guy seems very promising. He lives in a suburb, is well educated and travelled, he’s musical and artsy and seems to have a good deal going on upstairs. Plus, his pictures show that his look is ever-changing and fun.
So we’ll see.
Right now I’ve been tasked with choosing the restaurant for dinner… and I’m stressing. I need a place that isn’t fancy, but isn’t fast food, isn’t too expensive yet not too pedestrian, is quiet and private enough to allow for a decent conversation and that serves drinks.
And my gosh– whatever am I going to WEAR?!?
Gay chorus is starting back up, and on the docket for this spring is a piece called “Tyler’s Suite”. It’s an 8 or 9 movement Suite (each by a different composer) that celebrates the life of Tyler Clementi.
Tyler, as you may recall, was the college student who was bullied and outed by his roommate- eventually leading to his suicide.
A real upper of a piece.
While it will be sad and heartfelt, it will also offer some good music to sing. I’ve already listened to the suite and I quite like it all. One of my favorite movements is called: the Unicycle Song.
Evidently Tyler could ride a unicycle and play the violin. Simultaneously. And this interesting fragment of Tyler’s life is one of the movements.
It has a jaunty violin solo and whimsical chorus. It’s the most lighthearted of the movements– invoking the charm and craziness of this skill set in Tyler’s life.
But the piece goes beyond that.
While the movement is not very difficult harmonically or melodically, it somehow manages to capture the joy of this part of Tyler’s short life. And then the lyrics (again not complex) add so many layers to the song.
In a few short lines, the song suddenly transforms from storytelling into an allegory for life in general. Like when it speaks to the disaster of wiping out “so I pedal even faster like I never had a doubt.”
And then the lyrics speak to spirituality.
“There’s a thread that they can’t see– running through the fiddle, wheel and me. Rising up above the trees… above the clouds, to heaven… from me.”
The first time I heard this song, I just burst out crying. It speaks to this quirky boy with unusual talents trying to keep it all balanced and upright while pedaling like mad through life.
And now he’s gone.
And I, for one, think there should be more unicycling violinists in the world, and we are all the poorer from the loss.
I loved the first installment of “Emerald City”!
Mostly I enjoyed it because the show because it only took the barest of framework from the original story, and then created a new, darker, grittier world. In many ways darker than Wicked’s take (novel, not musical).
I found little things to be quite clever– like when Dorothy stumbled across the outer lands “tribe” of people and they were drumming and dancing in mourning to the death of the East Witch. But they were dancing and drumming in a spiral.
And these were not munchkins:
I also enjoy the multicultural cast. Dorothy is Hispanic, one of the witches is black (although she died early), there are Asian women as part of Oz’s tech elite, etc.
And the black witch was FABULOUS! I hope she isn’t fully dead.
In this Oz, the wizard is a tech guy who is at war with witchcraft and magic. He’s basically banished the witches to their respective cardinal directions and the citizens have been taught to fear them.
Oh, and the West Witch (in black) is a drunk/opium addict who runs a house of prostitution. Just sayin’.
The sets and costumes are fantastic, the world is imaginative and dark. And they are introducing cool characters who are flawed and real. And a touch savage.
Overall it’s a cool blend of steampunk tech, medieval feudal society, magic, and political intrigue.
I’m seriously hoping this story arc is sustainable.