Not L.A. Thin

I need to lose 25 lbs in 10 days– any ideas?

Yeah, I find myself stressing about my upcoming LA trip, mainly because I’m not thin enough for California. Technically I’m not pretty enough either, but I can always wear a ski mask.

Not this coming weekend, but the following one, I’m heading to LA to sing with the gay men’s chorus out there. They are performing “I am Harvey Milk” and I will be lending my voice for it.

Because it’s L.A., you can be sure that everything will be tarted up “Hollywood style”. It’s taking place in the Disney Concert Hall. They have an Oscar winning producer “producing” it. The guy who wrote the piece is singing the role of Harvey. Full orchestra, natch. And they want a 500 voice choir, so everyone who had performed the work was invited to sing.

I’m going mainly because I think it will be a spectacle. And I do love a good spectacle!

Plus it helps that I do like the piece quite a bit.

However I am concerned that I’m too heavy for Hollywood. I don’t want them saying, “Oh, I guess they took a chance on the smart, fat girl….” Or “Um yeah. We’re going to need you to stand in the back– behind the risers.”

Or worse. What if they have shaming weigh-ins for the chorus members before rehearsals– like a southern sorority?!?

I know I’m over exaggerating, but I really am a bit worried that I’ll be ignored because I’m not pretty or built enough. This event has the potential for making friends in other choirs from around the country. It would suck if I’m not good enough for the Cali-gays.

Well, perhaps if I don’t eat anything. And when I feel like I’m going to pass out, I eat a cube of cheese…..


About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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12 Responses to Not L.A. Thin

  1. Chip says:

    I love your “tongue in cheek” aka snarky posts !!

  2. B. says:

    Chin up. All of them.

  3. justajeepguy says:

    A good stomach flu can do wonders. Have a great trip!

  4. Mark in DE says:

    I suggest eating nothing but Weight Watchers candies for the next 10 days. They are sure to have you on the toilet evacuating your entire insides, leaving your LA thin.

  5. Girl Tuesday says:

    Okay……….. why did you wait until just 10 days before you leave? Holy Helen of Troy, never wait until the last minute to lose weight! Mark may have the only idea that will work. Let us know how you turn out!

  6. Old Lurker says:

    I guess nobody else is falling for your compliment fishing expedition, but I’ll bite: you’re gorgeous and (as they say in the personals) “height-weight proportionate”. If people from Minnesota are being invited all the way to LA then I am guessing gays from all over the country are coming in, so it is hardly as if you are going to be competing solely with Cali pretty-boys.

    Purge if you want, honey, but it seems like a lot of suffering for very little payoff.

  7. Mark, née Fuzz says:

    Oh for god sake! Snap out of it! You don’t honestly believe everyone in LA fits that pretty boy stereotype. Do you?

  8. Will J says:

    Everybody in Los Angeles is from somewhere else (and those of us who grew up there moved). If you are not in the ‘industry’ most folks go through life without a visual stylist, film editor, or…getting ‘work’ done.

  9. Blobby says:

    will the San Andreas fault shift due to the extra weight? will Melissa McCarthy finally look thin standing next to you?

    Disney is a beautiful hall. But I LOATHED hanging in L.A. It wasn’t my weight, but my looks, or lack of them, that made me come home and consider therapy.

  10. dave says:

    come on… are you a 14-year old girl or a man?… we have to wonder sometimes…

  11. Prune juice and tea.

  12. Dirk says:

    “Technically I’m not pretty enough either…”

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