Man, did the Academy Awards suck last night or what? God it was so fucking boring! And eye-rolling. And cringe-inducing.
Let’s face it. They stunk on ice.
The show was so bad this year, that I think I’m done watching the Academy Awards. It’s been “American Idoled” for me.
Remember when American Idol used to have some talented singers and you sorta cared about them? And then a few years ago, they decided to mix up the format a bit, and the singers basically sucked, and the wrong one’s won, and people stopped caring?
Yeah, I blame Taylor Hicks and that whole fucking Soul Patrol crapfest.
And now the Academy Awards have gone the same route. They “Taylor Hicks’d” the show by choosing James Franco:
Yeah, I still want to trap a certain part of his anatomy in my cave for 127 hours. But the dude SUCKED DIRTY ASS as a host.
(Btw? Nice Vuitton manpurse, Mr. Assistant Douche.)
Speaking of sucking dirty ass— why the fuck did they put James in a Marilyn dress? It served no purpose and was NOT funny. It was awkward.
At least when Jake Gyllenhall wore a dress, he belted out “And I Am Telling You”.
I think the most awkward moment of the night, though, goes to ‘Strokey’ Douglas presenting the Best Supporting Actress awards.
It was like watching Dick Clark do slo-mo “witty” banter with Gayboy Seacrest.
It was long and uncomfortable to watch him slur and drool his way through his bit. And even more cringe-inducing to watch him perv at all the pretty young girls. I was honestly reduced to yelling at the TV, shouting “Wrap it the fuck UP, already!”
I swear Douglas was gonna show up in the “In Memoriam” segment later if he delayed announcing the award one more goddamn time.
On a more positive note: Anne Hathaway.
Stunning. Gorgeous. Flawlessly dressed. Belted out a song dissing Hugh Jackman. And pulled off the hosting duties with aplomb (yeah, I used it in a sentence).
I think this was my favorite look of the night for her:
Simple. Flattering. And the color was completely eye-stunning.
But that’s it. No huge surprises. No big upsets. No excitement. No drama. And the show was boring as fuck.
I don’t think I’ll be back next year.