So, this morning I’m on facebook (I felt like procrastinating a bit, don’t judge!) when suddenly an IM pops up from Jim.
I’ve blogged about Jim before. He’s the guy I was in love with back in North Carolina. The married, christian guy with 4 kids who loved drum corps and was a musician/artist type, but had a tech job (like me). The guy that would have an affair with me, then refind Jesus and call it off, and then decide to fuck me again, etc.
Yeah, THAT Jim.
Well, a few months ago I got a phone message from Jim telling me that he was getting a divorce. At the time, I didn’t return his call, but I blogged about how his announcement made me feel. (i.e. not great).
I decided that I really needed to move on and that I just couldn’t be his “touchstone” during his coming out/midlife crisis. Yes it was selfish, but it’s hard to be there for someone when they repeatedly broke your heart and sorta ruined all other men for you, ya know?
Anyway, today he sees me online and decides to IM me. He started off by sorta joking (sorta not) about how he must be chopped liver since his phone messages about his life alterations elicited no return call from me.
To which I responded by letting him know that since he had broken my heart several times, I figured it was best for me to just remove myself from his situation and let him deal with it on his own.
Jim: Really? I broke your heart?
cb: Of course. And pretty much ruined all other guys for me in the process.
Jim: Wow. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.
cb: … meh. Water under the bridge.
Jim: I’m just now starting to realize the differences that exist between the married side, and the gay and available side.
cb: So… ARE you gay?
Jim: Yes. I am gay.
cb: Bout fucking time.
Jim: Yeah, I know. It’s been a 10 year process.
cb: Well, it can take awhile to stop lying to yourself… and you had a lot of other “life” in the way.
Jim: Yeah, and I’m now realizing that there are probably a few other broken hearts out there because I was doing the “I’m married and can’t even go there” thing.
cb: LOL! Ya think??
Jim: Well, I’m officially separated now and living as a gay man.
cb: How’s is your wife taking all this? And the kids??
Jim: Lisa has been great. She totally accepts that I’m gay, and we’re still good friends. And the kids have been very supportive.
cb: Well, you and Lisa always were good friends. I’m glad things are going amicably.
Jim: I’m actually seeing a guy and I’m madly in love. We’ve been dating 3 months. He’s awesome! A divorced dad of three… and “huge”!
cb: ….
Jim: He gets back from his job in Iraq next Wednesday and we’re going skiing on Thursday. I can’t wait!
cb: I’m happy for you.
Jim: I even wrote and sang him a love song. Wanna hear it? That is, if you think you can not vomit from the sappiness of it?
cb: I don’t know if that’s a good idea
Jim: C’mon! Indulge me. I really want your musical feedback on it.
And then he sent me a link. A goddamn motherfucking YouTube link to the goddamn motherfucking love song that he wrote, sang, and set a goddamn motherfucking slide show to.
I indulged him. I listened. I gave him feedback about the musicality of the verse, chorus and bridge. And I also may have told him that it did have a “christian church music” vibe and that the subject of the song could easily have been Jesus.
And then I begged off and went to lunch.
I gotta be honest here… this turn of events really sucks dirty asshole. Jim was the one that I wanted to end up with. To settle down with. To share my life with. He’s been the most compatible guy that I’ve dated. EVER! He’s even the guy who inspired me to start writing my own music.
God DAMN him! That’s supposed to be MY song! Inspired by ME! And sung TO ME!
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck!
As you can probably tell, I’m not ok with this. And it’s pretty obvious that I’ve never fully recovered from my time with Jim. Still.
God, I’m pathetic.
Mangina Monologues 
I can’t believe it. Either he’s THAT callus & cruel OR COMPLETELY clueless.
Either way you’re ultimately better off without him.
I hate this story…. Men are pigs and assholes..
Go listen to Garth Brooks’ “Unanswered Payers.” It is either make you feel better or make you throw up. Either way you won’t be thinking about him anymore.
I know its hard to hear, but he isn’t good enough for you. You will find the right man who will rock your world and your heart. He IS out there. Just keep plugging away.
And I hate to go all Rikki Lake on you, but if he cheated on his wife with you he would probably cheat on you with someone else.
Go on Manhunt and find a big giant wiener to play with. You deserve it.
It’s a process, but ultimately you’ll truly put this behind you. But for now, yes, it sucks dirty asshole.
You are WAY better than this guy!
Just think about exactly how much of a self obsessed, shallow, vacuous shitbag someone has to be to hear that they broke your heart (multiple times), then go on to rub your face in their new relationship.
Do you really want this guy?
He’s an utter shit and you are better off without him.
I agree with what others said before, if he didn’t realize he hurt you (and as he realized countless others probably) then he’s an ass and not worth the time. Clearly everything in his life has been focused on him him him and his satisfaction, not realizing the path of destruction he’s created.
Oh and his song kinds sounds like Candle In The Wind, but also I can totally hear some Michael W. Smith praise Jesus in there too 🙂
Your a romantic and a good guy!! Not pathetic at all. You will find the right one and he is out there – probably looking for you right now!! LOL – hang in there –
My tongue hurths from all the biting…..
That was really shitty. He didn’t get the hint when you didn’t call him back. He didn’t get the hint when you told him straight up. Yet he still wanted you to indulge him.
I think you’re in love with a person that doesn’t really exist, just the portions of which you want to see. If you had him, you’d get all of him, warts and all. And, I suspect, you’d find yourself wondering every day why the person you love so much has so little regard for you and your feelings.
It sucks and chemistry is hard to resist. Keep reminding yourself that, while compatible, he really isn’t the person you’re looking for.
I definitely get the Contemporary Christian vibe to the whole thing. What a fucking douchebag…….
He truly was being immensely ignorant or stupidly cruel with this, CB. Either way, he is not someone who should be in your life….but “the heart is not so smart, goes where it should not go.” I know the pining of which you speak, the shattered dream that this was the one and the hurt that he found someone else. Time and acceptance are the only things that will help. For what it’s worth, the (married) man I loved, whom I pined after for 7 + years after we broke up, who ruined every other relationship for me, who came out, got divorced, met and moved in with another man (all things he could not or would not do for me) who reconnected with me years later and seemed oblivious to how in love with him I was and how crushed I was and dismissed our relationship as “a confused sexual fling” is neither the man I should have or could have ended up with. I found someone I connected with even stronger and who actually loved me as much as I loved him. I’m just telling you this because I want you to know it’s possible to survive it, move past it, and succeed in relationships despite it.
I am truly sorry for your pain. Sending HUGE hugs your way.
No! You are not pathetic — he is! He hardly gives a shit about you, even after you basically told him he was/is the love of your life. He was totally self-centered and oblivious to what you said. Then he asked you to review a love song to someone else? What a slap in the face! Christ!
He’s “madly in love” with a guy he’s been dating for a whole 3 months. BFD. But he established contact with you 4 months ago. What was going on then? Was he just sniffing around for a place to dip his wick, hoping you were still in NC?
He made it a point to tell you his new love was out of the country until next Wednesday. Is he hoping for a booty call from you? Is that all he thinks of you? Just a warm body to summon when his dick gets hard?
I’m so sorry he tore your wound open, CB. I think you need to put him in his place and let that wound heal permanently.
You’re not pathetic, just human. Fuck him – the callous douche-bag, bloody, buggery bastard.
CB that was truly mean and perhaps clueless of him. I am in RTP and have a large dog. Willing to deliver him a bag of flamming poop. Just saying
fuck him.
write a speed/death metal song called Fuck You Jim about what an asshole he is and then send him the link to the bloodspattered superviolent video you post on youtube.
then realize what a douche he is and thank his baptist jebus that he’s off fucking up someone else’s life on his rebound relationship.
if you get the chance hit him with your car.
😀
Agree with all the above. You are infatiuated with an idea of him … because HE is a douche bag who is completely insensitive to you or your feelings.
He’s an insensitive prick. You may not realize it now but you’re better off without him.
You are NOT pathetic! You are the one who’s been living authentically for years. He’s the pathetic one who’s been trying to live two lifes. I find it most insensitive that AFTER you told him he’d broken your heart, he THEN proceeds to trample all over it by telling you about his new “love”, complete with Christian love song. As the others have said, you are better off without him. Hopefully this time he’s hurt you enough to allow you to move on, once and for all. Hang in there, buddy.
this makes my heart hurt and my eyes wet.
what a callous, shallow, insensitive, muthafuckin prick! he deserves a pointed steel toe shoe to the taint! karma WILL come back to bite him in the ass; it may take a while, but…
YOU, on the other hand, are so NOT worth this bastard’s air space. you dodged a deadly bullet, cb.
cry, get angry, punch a pillow, scream, get it all out of your system. then block his ass from contacting you again. it will get better, honey. I’ve been in your shoes…
Anne Marie – I agree completely and I am totally surprised that you are the first one to mention blocking the bastard! It seems that he just does not get how important he was to you or how he hurt you. Those are the folks that we need to avoid/remove from our lives. So no more Facebook/e-mail/etc! Protect your self-esteem, your feelings and your sanity. Just say NO!
Big Hugs!
((cb))
you’re not pathetic…you just got suckerpunched. Again.
I know Jim. I don’t know know him, but I know his game.
The Jim’s of the world are fully aware that they broke our hearts. They’re fully aware that hearing about how fucking happy they are will torture us for days, maybe weeks. They also know that no matter how we try not to, we’re always dying to hear from them and hoping that it’s finally “my time.”
What they don’t know is when we’re finally learn our lesson and say “no more.” cb, no more Jim. No matter what. The moral of this story is that
Jim and all his clones will NEVER make us happy. Ever. And if I may be completely frank, it seems that Jim has shown you that time and time again.
be well, my friend!
xo
Can you block him from your IM? I’ll give the guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s just giddy and wants to share this w/ someone, but it does seem heartless.
Yeah, it’s probably best NOT to gush about your new boyfriend of 3 (!) months to the guy who you’ve hurt so badly with come-close-stay-away games. Talk about insensitive. It sucks that you practically broke in his gay side and then he goes off and uses it with someone else. You deserve way more that anything he could offer. I’ve been there too.
And I could only get through 1:30 of his little musical queef.
nothing new to comment, agree with all, especially Cubby…took the words out of my mouth. [[cb]] here’s some hugs for you, and I’d sing ya a song anytime.
Maybe you could get Durban Bud to do the video, he’s posted some ‘nasty’ ones- haha
That is just wrong. Permanent block, I say.
Read the comments people made… Tell Jim to fuck off. You’ll be much better blocking any connections with him…
I have learned that it is best to stay away from Ex’s. You both only end up making each other miserable by bragging how much happier and better off you are. It is sooo destructive. Hang in there boo. BIG HUG.
Sounds like he is a narcissistic turd. It hurts because you loved and cared – it mattered to you. Don’t feed the monsters – no matter how many times he sends them over the wall to you.
P.S. I’m with curiogeo; if you need flaming bags of dog poop, I’m in.
“That’s supposed to be MY song! Inspired by ME! And sung TO ME!”
I think you deserve — and would have inspired — a much better song. This sounded like something from a 1970’s movie of the week starring Linda Purl and Desi Arnaz, Jr.
You’re not pathetic. He’s a dick.
He’s basically a 13 year old. Which means he’s a bit clueless and self-obsessed because he’s catching up for a lost of lost time.
Close the door. And remember – you’re embroidering. He was capable of ditching you for Jeebus & wifey repeatedly. Which means, kind of at a base level, no matter how compatible you were in little ways, you were *not* in some pretty big ones. Like knowing what the fuck you want. Don’t assume that he does know now just because he figured out the dick part.
I predict that in six months the video is an embarrassing reminder of how madly in love he was for five minutes once. (And why is it on YouTube – should he be, you know *singing it to the guy in person*? Or does the guy live 1000 miles away or some shit?)
Just close the door.
John totally took the words out of my mouth — the guy is like a 13 year old, in his first mad love affair.
Everyone else is correct too about him being a dick — you told him he broke your heart, and he proceeded to brag about getting on with his life, being in love with a guy with a huge dick. The bragging is the part that really got me.
So, in 6 months when this new love affair has ended, he’ll be back messaging you, trying to put you back in that place you were in when he was married. Sounds like you have decided that’s not a place you want to go again.
So, block his bragging dickish ass, already 🙂
(cb != pathetic) && (Jim >= pathetic)
((cb))
Wow. He’s got the best of both world’s. Imagine that. Fuck him and feed him fish heads. But look at you poor CB: a good lucking guy with a great shit eating smile and a good career and great new digs and did I mention talented. Pooooooor CB.
That’s the creepiest song/video ever-er and if a guy made that for me, I would quietly and surely make my way to the nearest exit.