I hate spending money on others.
Wait. That sounds negative and decidedly un-Xmasy of me. How about… I much prefer spending money on myself, but will grudgingly shop for others.
I just want what I get for other people to be appreciated as much as I appreciate the things I get for myself.
Take, for instance, my mother. She expressly said we were NOT to spend money on Xmas this year. So I got her a laptop computer. It’ll be a bigger surprise that way.
She has been talking for AGES about getting a home computer. She LOVES google and thrills every time I google something on my iPhone for her. And my mom is very techno-savvy. Hell, I think she even hooked up all her stereo and tv component cables on her own!
But will she like the computer?
The thing has every feature she could want, including a built in camera. I envision us video gtalking at some point.
Yeah. Right.
My dad and I won’t really be doing gifts this year, but I’m giving him a vintage Willis and Geiger leather bomber jacket anyway. He won’t like it and he’ll complain about the fit. Oh well. Merry Xmas.
And Kyle? Well… He was with me and helped pick out everything he’s getting, so no surprises there. Fun.
And what did I get myself?? I got myself the 2008 DCI championship DVD and CD bundle so I can get my drum corps on! I also ordered a lovely dildo from Fort Troff. Its designed to stimulate the male g-spot (the gift that keeps on giving). Plus it’s silicone and dishwasher safe!
Of course, I really wanted to spend my money one one of THESE most spectacular of decorations found yesterday at TJ Maxx (where else)?
Mangina Monologues 
do i really know everything? wow. cool. i’m gonna have a good christmas!
I say dishwasher safe g-spot dildos for everyone!
Santa is going to give you a Charcoal dildo…. but you’ll make a positive spin on that I’m sure… 🙂
So you’re a giver after all. 🙂
Um it may start OUT as charcoal, but by the end it’ll be a diamond. Guaranteed.
Are we looking at Mrs Claus and her blowjob lips or your basket?
I’m sure your mother will be very happy CB. As will Kyle and your dad…. and your butthole. Merry Xmas!
p.s., where’s my photographer’s credit for the mrs. clause blow job shot… ?
Just make sure you don’t mix up your mother’s gift and your new toy.
Will you model the dildo?
I don’t know, there’s something fundamentally odd about putting a dildo in the dishwasher. I now you have to clean them every now and then but the dishwasher?
Who is Kyle? Is this some sssecret BF you never talk about?
A computer and a leather bomber jacket? Wow, for “not buying gifts” you sure do buy extravagant gifts! How can I get on your gift list?
Have a happy holiday.
What did you get me? What did you get me? I’ll take the laptop and the leather jacket and whatever you got Kyle and the dildo. But you can keep the brass band porn filth tapes. Pervert.
Mrs. Claus looks like she has an asshole mouth. I know – TMI!
So, what’s my prezzie?
I’m a google lover myself. I think it should be required in all homes. Imagine if George W. Bush had him some google. Perhaps he could have googled The Great Depression and learned a few years ago that his tax cuts were eerily similar to the Calvin Coolidge/Herbert Hoover cuts that in part lead to that calamity.
Or maybe Sarah Palin could’ve fired that bitch up and figured out that Africa wasn’t a country and, for that matter, which country’s are in NAFTA. What if she would have had her google-equipped iPhone at that Katie Courac interview. Maybe we’d be electing a President McCain in a few weeks. Wait, I take that back, let’s not put google in every home.
I don’t mind spending the money if I know the person is going to love the gift, but if I’m not sure I am hard pressed to part with the green stuff. ‘Specially when I know I’d love to buy myself something else I don’t need.
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