Back to Life- Back to Reality

My plane touched down in the Minne Apple at 10:35pm Sunday night. And already I felt my back and shoulders starting to tighten. Then came the icy, snowy blast as I walked the short distance to my truck. Naturally the weather greeting me was 7° with just enough snow to make the roads slippery.

What a change from 85° and peerless blue skies. Fuck.

I was just in Palm Springs for a long weekend. I flew out on Wednesday- back Sunday. But I got there at 5:30 pm, which was plenty of time to get myself ensconced at the resort and then head to a bar for some drinking and fun.

The whole weekend was fun. Hiking. Sunning by the pool. Reading. Drinking. Meeting new folks. And of course some sexytimez. I mean— it’s Palm Springs after all. And I’m a gay man of a certain age. Anyway…

I travel alone. A lot. And by doing this, I’ve kind of learned how to “shape shift” a bit. I take travel as an opportunity not only to explore a new area, but to explore it as a new me. Or at least a different version of me.

When I travel, I become an extrovert. I actually walk up and talk to strangers. Introduce myself. Start conversations. Ask their name and make a point to remember it (because of my Dale Carnegie training). I become “that guy”. The one that says “hey *insert name* how was your hike today? And have you met *insert other name*? They’re from Colorado too!”

Shit like that.

It’s a lot of work, especially given my normally introverted nature, but hey. If I wanted to stand around in a bar alone and not meeting people, I coulda stayed home. Right?

In a way it’s fun for me too. It’s a chance to try to be charming. To be fun. To entertain and make people comfortable. And make them laugh. And possibly even meet some new friends. Which I have managed to do. Heck- I’m still in FB contact with guys I met in puerto Vallarta like 10 years ago.

And I kinda like the different me. Different me is bolder. Stands taller. Takes chances. Seems to have more confidence. A touch more swagger. It’s a nice change from the way I usually am. And the results can be heady.

Instead of being invisible, I seem to get noticed. Guys talk to me. I offer up easy smiles and they’re returned. And I can’t help but think, “Is this what being popular feels like?” It’s so foreign, it’s intoxicating. And it feels a bit like a dangerous drug. Something I could get addicted to.

But then the vacation ends.

And there’s the lonely flight back home. Back to a life that feels small and unsatisfying. A life that doesn’t seem to fit so very well anymore. At least not for a few days until I shrink back into it. Which has been happening these past couple of days.

I find myself longing to be back. Wistfully thinking of the sun and pools and people and fun. All the while getting saltier and grumpier here.

The sad reality though is that “vacation me” isn’t sustainable. I think it happens in part because I’m freed of the bonds of my “real life”. I escape to a place where I’m an unknown so it’s easy to reinvent oneself. But like I said- it takes effort. And I think I only have a limited ability to be “that guy” — as much as I like it.

And that knowledge might chafe me most of all.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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1 Response to Back to Life- Back to Reality

  1. Hollywood Palms says:


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