Luckier Than Most

I call myself a “realist”- but most view me as “pessimist”. Sure, I tend to highlight the disappointments more than the joys and I try never to get my hopes up for anything. And while I do see the positives in my life, I fully acknowledge the fact that I have trouble with gratitude.

It’s something I struggle a lot with- mainly because of guilt. When I look at my life with a true realist lens, I see how good I have it. And I feel guilty in that fortune.

Today at lunch I was walking outside and found myself really enjoying the weather. It’s warm but not oppressive. It isn’t too humid. There’s a breeze. And the skies are beautifully clear. And I found myself kind of at peace.

Then I started reflecting on my week. It was a fairly decent week for me, all things considered. I still have a job, and while I may hate it, it’s more than 40 million Americans have right now. And my bosses weren’t horrible, and I was productive.

I also had a phone interview for a new job just last night. It seemed to go really well, so that has me optimistic that I may at least move on to in person interviews. The phone screen is at least an affirmation that I am worthy of hire and possibly one step closer to leaving my current situation.

I was able to ride my bikes to work every day this week. So I feel healthier and the environment is better protected from my carbon emissions.

I found many four and more leaf clovers this week too, during my walks. Which I don’t think really means much other than it’s cool I found them.

I have been largely unaffected by the riots. my neighborhood and building have been quiet and untouched. And I have groceries and gas and don’t really have any missing basic needs. Which is a lot more than many can say in the protest areas of Minneapolis and St Paul.

In addition, I also stumbled into finding a possible new bike. A fancy, Italian bike. A nicer bike than I’ve ever had. And it was a dumb eBay search that turned it up and it’s here in Minneapolis. A whole 3 miles from where I live. No I don’t need it, but how lucky am I that I can afford to get it if I want to.

And I have freedom and life. Again, more than some of the protesters have and definitely more than George Floyd has.

So yeah. I look at all that I have and I feel guilty. Sure my life isn’t perfect and I have negative things I’m dealing with too. But when I look at the balance sheet, things are definitely tilted in my favor.

I feel guilt, but I am taking the time to recognize how very fortunate I am. And I am grateful.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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1 Response to Luckier Than Most

  1. Blobby says:

    so my only question is: when are you picking up the bike? (honestly, if it makes you happy – get it!)

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