I go to the gym quite a bit- I’m there probably 5 days a week minimum. I also get grumpy if I don’t get there. I do like the endorphin rush and also the knowledge that it’s helping keep the lbs off.
Anyway, I’m also a creature of habit, so I frequent the gym at the same times each week. This means I see also other creatures of habit that share my schedule. I tend to see the same handful of guys all the time. So I’ve nicknamed them.
(PS- most of them are hot, which is why I notice them.)
Gigantor: he has to be 6’6 at least and he is the size of 1.5 humans. But in a proportional way. He’s just fucking built. And it looks like he could be a J Crew model.
Prison Hawt (aka hockey): shaved head. Pointy light brown beard. Tats everywhere. Always wears a green baseball cap. And oh so thicc. Like his lower body is just — whoa.
The Otter: this guy is so my type. Like 6’2″. Thin. Furry. Muscular. Wavy brown hair and hipster beard. Glasses. Wears chuck Taylor’s and a white V neck tee. A perfect otter.
Viking: 6’2″. Blonde. Epic beard. Sharp angular nose. Built. Handsome.
The Twinklevoss Twins: two gay twink guys (a couple?) who always work out together. They dress almost the same (short black shorts, black baseball caps). They’re both waifishly thin
Mongo: another big boy, he’s at least 6’4″ and big. But he’s also very flexible and likes to show off doing handstands with splits and such while working out. It’s kind of.. weird
Reed: his name really is Reed. Everyone knows his name because everyone wants him. Perfect, dark floopy hair. Full, perfect beard. Ridiculously handsome. Lean and built. Girls swoon. Guys stare.
The Librarian: this guy is adorable. Tall. Built. Blonde. Nerdy, thick lens glasses. Mustache. Totally shy.
Bowl cut (aka the creeper, aka cock blocker) ok, this guy is a locker lizard. All he does is hang around the steam room and showers where he stares. Like a full on, non-blinking, hard stare. He has what I believe is a dark toupee (it can’t be his real hair) and it’s basically a bowl cut. He’s creepy AF.
Doppelgänger: this guy is like my clone. We’re both men of a certain age striving to keep in shape (although he’s much thinner and bald). We do similar workout routines and our paths cross a lot. We even park in the same area. We chat off and on.
Christian Mingle 1,2, & 3: there are 3 brothers that all go to the gym. All are fairly handsome and built. But all have this horribly tragic, swept back, feathered hair that looks like they should be spokespeople for Christian dating.
Mini Momoa: this guy has modeled his entire look on Jason Momoa. Same longer hair. Same scruffy beard. Eyebrow piercings. But he’s smaller.
Short Shorts: there’s a gay guy (at least I’m pretty sure he’s gay) that wears the shortest shorts every time he works out. At least he has a good ass.
Melissa McCarthy: this woman looks like Melissa- but when she was the beaver toothed girl on the Lawrence Welk skit. Always wears pink tights that ride up her crack.
Eyelashes: oMG- this woman cakes on the makeup to work out, and she honestly has 1″ long, black, mascara’d to the hilt fake eyelashes on all the time.
Porn Stache: he’s like a personal trainer, but I always see him working out by himself. He’s handsome as hell, with a perfect porn mustache. He’s like a shorter, built Freddie Mercury.
Twiggy: this woman always does the old school stair master (there is only one) with the pedals that you stand in that slowly sink down to the floor. She is severely anorexic or exercise bulemic as she is adult sized but maaaaaybe ways 85lbs. Her limbs are the size of her bones. And she just exercises like mad on this one stairmaster.
Manorexia: the male twin to Twiggy. He circuit trains and wears weighted vests and such and he works out all the time. But he’s too damn thin– his face is gaunt to the point where he’s all cheekbone.
Lesser gym characters include–
Minnesota: gay guy with a Minnesota outline tattoo on his thigh
Lebanon: the gay cub Lebanese doctor who ignores me
Steam Tats: a guy covered in ink who likes to sit in the steam room with it all hanging out. He’s quite proud of his member, as he should be.
Bartender: a guy whom I’m fairly certain works at our local gay bar.
Cheerleader: ex U of M male cheerleader. Stocky. Blonde. Cute.
Old Lech: me.