Every year I look forward to Pride with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. It marks sort of the real start of summer for me (no more obligations/concerts) and it’s a week of fun and gayness– And drinking.
But it also highlights the difficulties of being single and without a cadre of friends.
I typically plan on attending two events– the beer dabbler on Friday and the Eagle beer bust on Sunday. The rest of my weekend is usually fairly open. As was the case this year.
I got my beer dabbler ticket (one) after checking with other people if they were going. Everyone I checked with had friends they were dabbling with so they all got tickets together. We agreed to try to meet up inside the event.
It took some doing, but I did manage to find some people I could hang with some, even if it wasn’t for the whole time. I was very much relieved to not be dabbling alone.
Saturday I didn’t do much. Errands. Worked out. Etc. I was kind of in a funk all day and suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out). I didn’t really want to do Pride Park by myself, and there is never much there that I’m interested in. It’s all business booths.
There were BBQ’s and pool parties and boating events– none of which I was invited to, so that added to the funk. And I tried to get people I knew to go to the Eagle for Bear night, but everyone had other plans or was at the $30 cover block party.
I ended up going to bed at 10pm.
Sunday was the parade- but again, I didn’t feel like standing and watching the parade by myself. I did that a few years ago and it was fairly miserable. Being in that big of a crowd and not having anyone to celebrate with was not a good time.
I did breakfast for one at my favorite cafe (pancakes) where I always sit at the counter so I can at least be near other folks while eating. Then I hit the gym to fill up some more time.
Eventually I made my way to the Eagle for beer bust n show tunes. I did manage to have quite a good time there. The place was crowded and I saw many folks that I knew. Guys were flirty and friendly and flush with Pride. I also got two friends to come and I was able to hang with them (and the other friends they brought) easily enough.
As I was deconstructing my Pride experience with another acquaintance friend of mine, I lamented that all I really want is one friend to do stuff with. A wingman. A buddy to hit the bars or parade with. Someone to be your safety net when you flirt with a guy and totally flame out.
I would be able to be so much more socially engaged if I had that modicum of support. I’d also be way more excited for these events and so much more at ease during them. Oh, and I would gladly be their support, too.
But I don’t have this.
So I have to make my own fun and be my own wingman. And yeah, I know I sound like a broken record, but trying to be social and engage while being all on your own is just so damn enervating.
It can also be slightly depressing, as you scroll through your social media and it’s chock full of photos of people you know, all smiling and having fun in various group events.
Instead of FOMO, it’s more like YAMO (you ARE missing out).
PS I did try to cultivate one new friend a few months back, but he travels so much it hard to do things. Also, he had made dabbler plans with a different friend.