Fine, I guess.
It’s so weird to find myself in my last year of my 40’s. I don’t necessarily feel 49, but there it is. Nearly 50. Half a century.
It’s a mix of accomplishment and depression. I’ve done a pretty good job of making it this far. I have a condo I love, a cool car and make a decent living. I enjoy my musical outlets and have a decently rich life.
With each passing year (especially since 47) I find myself keenly aware of my singleness, and how little time is left to rectify the situation. Fifty looms like a point of no return, like once I cross that threshold I’ll be permanently damaged goods.
I really didn’t want this post to be maudlin; I wanted to talk about the surprises I got yesterday.
Even though it was my birthday, I didn’t really have any plans. Because of this, I agreed to host a small gathering to welcome our new artistic director for the chorus.
It was good– people ate and drank and chatted and Luna wasn’t really freaked out too much. And even though this was a welcome party, I got two gifts:
First– this cake:
One of my private joys is when people have birthdays, I post horrible cake pictures on their Facebook page. One of my favorites is a “vagina birth” cake. Usually there are turds coming out along with the baby.
It was my hope that someday someone would know me well enough to make me a horrible, inappropriate birthday cake.
Yesterday was that day. Two friends of mine made me my very own vagina cake!! It was funfetti and strawberry!
I also got this:
It’s an old RCA disc of my favorite movie, Flash Gordon! The players don’t really exist anymore, as this was the 1980’s “high tech” before DVD’s. But for kitsch value (and as I collect Flash Gordon stuff) this is a perfect gift for me.
So many feels when I opened it.
Lately I’ve been feeling pretty invisible, but with these two gifts I felt seen. And important. And loved.
It was a nice feeling. And a very fine birthday all things considered.