Goodbye, my sweet little girl

When I looked at adopting a cat, I found a local cat rescue organization. They had bios and pictures on their website and miss Phoebe stood out to me.

She was identified as a cuddler and a chatterbox- a cat that wanted to be around you and would sleep next to you. And she liked to play and chase the laser pointer.

I went to an adoption event with Kyle to meet her to see if it was a match. She was comfortable in my arms and one look at her expressive, big green eyes and I was smitten. Soon Phoebe was on the way home with me.

Once at my apartment, she tentatively explored her new space and then crept under my couch. To make her feel welcome, I lay down on the couch so I could be near her. Within five minutes she came out, jumped up onto me, and we took a nap together with her laying on my chest.

That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. And who could’ve predicted that 8 pounds of fur and purr would so dramatically alter the course of my life.

That nap was the first of many we took together. And the first of many many cuddle sessions where she’d just lay on my chest and purr. Or she’d curl up in the crook of my left arm.

I loved her so very much, and the unconditional love she gave in return was beautiful and enriched my life beyond measure.

My darling little girl left my life on Thursday. I’m not going to write about that. Instead I’m going to write about how she was the most awesome cat and how perfect she was as a companion.

She greeted me at the door every time I came home, without fail. Even if she had been napping somewhere, she would come running and hit me with a barrage of meows and headbutts until I picked her up.

She would also groom me after my day– trying to lick my beard and hair. Occasionally she’d try to pull my beard hair out too, with her sharp little teeth!

At least she had the decency to pretend to be sorry when I’d shout “Ouch!”

We’d play hide and seek under the covers in bed. I’d duck under and she’d meow and work to find a way to get to me.

She’d go into “hunter mode” if I made scritching sounds on the bed with my nails. Her pupils would get SO BIG, and she’d get this adorable look of concentration on her face. Then she’d pounce!

She played with shoe strings and other strings like a kitten. Always. And with bread ties. She’d bat those everywhere until they ended up under my piano.

On weekend mornings she liked to keep me company by jumping up onto my shoulders and laying there. Like this:

And when I was sick with a sore throat or chest congestion, she would sense it and lay across the offending area and purr for me.

Phoebe would come when I called her, too. I’d chant her name in a sing-song voice and she’d usually trot up really fast while meowing so her meow would come out all “mee-oww-wow-wow-owwwww”.

She slept with me every night without fail. We had a ritual: she’d wait for me to get in bed. Then she’d jump up and usually walk on me a bit. Then she’d knead my right shoulder with her paws before eventually curling up in the crook of my left arm.

She’d stay there purring while I read my book. Then at lights out she’d wait for me to turn onto my left side. I’d make a loop with my two arms, and she’d curl up in the middle of them and put her chin on my right hand. More often than not she’d also put her right paw into my right hand and that’s how we’d drift off to sleep.

My little girl was an explorer kitty. Any open drawer, closet, door, or cupboard she’d want to go in there and nose around a bit. At my old St Paul apartment, she even learned how to open my bifold closet doors! And sometimes when I got home she’d dash into the hallway to see the world. She’d only go out a few feet then wait for me to walk along with her.

She was pretty fearless. Thunderstorms and loud noises really didn’t phase her. Only the loudest, closest sounds would make her jump. She was ok with dogs too- more curious than anything. And people. My god she loved people! Any new folk who came over she’d always greet and want them to pet her.

And I adored how trusting she was. She never shied away from me, ever. She ran to me rather than from me- unless I played the trombone or vacuumed, then all bets were off. She let me pick her up and carry her around, and was quite comfy to be in my arms. She would completely sack out on me and nap. And she was always close by- almost dangerously under foot.

Phoebe had such a loud purr, and an even louder meow! Man was she vocal! I think she had like 15 different meows, and I knew what each of them meant. There was the sleepy meow, the “where you been!” Meow, the “I was busy today” meow, the “where are you?” Meow, the “I’m hungry” meow, the “oops hairball” meow, the contented chatter meow, the disgruntled “don’t wake me up” meow, etc.

I already miss her voice.

Things are going to be so very different without her in my life. I’m devastated and inconsolable and the loss is physically hurting my heart. But I’m deeply grateful she was part of my world for as long as she was.

Goodbye, my sweet Phoebe girl. My Little Girl. Queen of Phoeba. Phoebalicious. Phoebe Catz. Phoebe-monster. Phoebs.

Constant companion.

Best friend.

I love you and will miss you always.