Whenever I get rejected by guys (and anymore this seems to be a fairly often occurrence) I tend to spiral down the hole of “what’s wrong with me?” I mean, I think everybody does this, right? Crushing self-doubt is de rigeur these days.
90% of the time I think I’m pretty darn cool.
It’s the other 10% of the time that can be a royal bitch and depressing as hell.
(Right now you’re all thinking “awww pity party for one”. But I’m not trying to be all poor me. I think my life is pretty good and I have tons to be thankful for. I’m just a bit lonesome is all.)
So be by an engineer, I tend to make pro-con lists. And I try to be as honest as possible with myself.
On paper I don’t think anything is that much of a red flag….
– drama-free (for the most part)
– gainfully employed
– not a drug user/addict/alcoholic
– animal lover
– (kind of) funny
– comfortable with myself
– decently traveled
– slightly overweight
– 47yrs old
– very sexually driven
– 99% bottom
– selective and sometimes acerbic sense of humor
– sometimes juvenile (in humor)
– too self-reliant
– need my alone time
– self-centered (?) (aka not giving enough of myself or my time)
– tendency to be judgmental
– can be stubborn and argumentative
– likes to push buttons
– very low drama threshold
– even lower hypocrisy threshold
I know you all are like “friendly?? NICE??” But really I am. I smile and say hi to people. I hold doors. I say please and thank you. I tip well. I don’t gossip or backstab. I get along with most people. I let people merge. I defer to other’s choices so as to keep them happy.
And sure I have baggage– we all do. But a majority of my Cons can be mitigated, especially if someone lets me know I’m being annoying in some way.
I think I’m the gay community though, what’s really working against me are my age, weight, and sexuality. These three things take me out of contention with like 99.99% of potential suitors.
So I’m diligently working on the weight thing. It’s the only one I can directly control. And it’s not like I’m huge– I just have a bit too much paunch.
And so I diet and exercise. And I do a weigh in every morning and record my weight.
The needle isn’t moving very quickly– but I keep at it.
Maybe after I lose 30 lbs, someone won’t mind me being a snarky, 47 year old bottom, huh?