Well- I lost another Facebook friend.
This one was someone who’s been a friend for 15 years or so– not always a close friend, but definitely someone in my life. He’s also someone from my past that I have blogged about before … as someone that I thought I was in love with.
To catch you all up- this was a guy I fell for back when I lived in Noeth Carolina. He was married but we had so much in common. I kinda fell for him. And we kinda fell into bed occasionally.
But then he’d “get religion” (figuratively and literally) and I would be dropped in favor of his family/wife/church/etc.
Meh– it was what it was.
But then through the magic of Facebook we reconnected. Where I found out about his divorce and his disastrous gay love affair with a psycho and his coming out the other side.
Then he disappeared from Facebook for awhile.
But then we reconnected again and talked in the phone and I learn that he’s doing well, living with a guy (they share a house), etc. he’s back posting on Facebook and everything seems hunky dory.
Until I made the fateful mistake of using the “g” word on his Facebook feed.
He made a post about making those fancy, baked apple rosettes, replete with picture of the final product. He even pointed out that one of them looked like a laughing cat.
*cough gay cough*
Now, he knows me well enough to know my humor. This is something I would post on any of my friend’s pages on FB– gay, and especially straight. I mean, apple rosettes? How fucking Betty Cocker!
His reaction? My immediate unfriending. Because (as he texted later) my posts were too negative and disrespectful and I was obviously taking pleasure in “outing” him.
Outing him? OUTING Him??
He got a divorce because he sucks dick and takes it up the ass. He lives with his boyfriend. His kids know. He has a permanent cabin at a gay, nude camp site (which he invited me to the last time we spoke).
But evidently on Facebook, he pretends to be something else entirely. Or at least he presents a controlled (if somewhat skewed) view of himself.
Now, was my comment juvenile? Yes. Inappropriate? Mildly. Disrespectful? Probably inasmuch as I didn’t post the requisite “oh my stars, how lovely! Well done you!”
But again I say, he knows me well enough to know my personality. This is exactly how I’ve always joked with him. And how HE has joked with ME!
I don’t even care that he unfriended me. People are free to do as they want on social media. What bothers me is the hypocrisy. And the inauthenticity. And the disproportionate reaction.
But it’s now obvious to me that he’s still living in fear and desperately seeking approval from everyone– and not just from those who matter. Clearly he still is not comfortable admitting to being “gay”. So he still has to keep up the lies and pretenses and double standards.
It’s sad, really.
And I feel sorry for him that he’s 50 and still can’t live freely.
But given his past behavior where I was concerned, I guess I should have anticipated the cut. It still sucks.