My parents and I don’t really discuss my “gayness” very much. It comes up in random comments every so often, but generally the subject is politely avoided. I do know that they want me to find a “special someone”, but they only bring that up every six months or so when they lament the fact that I’m always alone.
The only other subject they seem to lament with more frequency is that they will never be grandparents. And this is the one where they don’t even attempt to hide their disappointment in the fact I’m gay.
And that I hate children.
Now “hate” is a strong word. So for the sake of argument, let’s just say that I rather dislike uterus turds and choose not to be around them.
Much to my parent’s dismay.
While my dad (and his girlfriend) were visiting, my dad brought up in casual conversation that an ex-step-nephew (it’s complicated) and his wife are expecting a child in August and my dad has agreed to help with baby watching duties like one day a week once she goes back to work.
He then started talking about all of the things he’ll have to buy in order to help watch the thing. All this discussion was prompted when he was taken aback by the size a woman’s child kennel/carrier at this restaurant where we were eating.
Dad: that looks like a nice, but heavy carrier
Cb: what? Are you planning on buying them car seats and a grayco stroller and shit?
Dad: not for them… For me
Cb: why do YOU need to buy all this crap to watch a kid one day a week?? Can’t you just put a blankie in a cardboard box?
Dad: this is my one and only chance to act as a grandfather and influence a child so I want to go all out
And there you have it.
Then dad proceeded to explain to his GF that I hate children and would never be providing any fruit from my loins for him to fawn over. All because I was too self-focused (read: selfish).
“Damn skippy,” I told them. “All children are is a big drain on resources. They’re basically little Remoras feeding on time and money.”
Yes, I know that this isn’t really a gay issue, because gays are having kids or adopting them all over the place. But it gets lumped in with my being gay, and one of the ways it makes me a disappointing son.
Ah, the perils of being an only child…..