You take em both and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life.
Oddly this makes no mention of “the ugly”, but it probably should.
So yesterday the T.C. gay men’s chorus traveled to Rochester to perform a “preview” of our upcoming holiday concert. Overall it went pretty well, but it did serve to shine a spotlight on areas that we still need to work on.
It also shined a spotlight on yours truly, and I sort of fucked up big time. More on that in a minute.
First, the good. Overall, the chorus sounded good and we were very well received. Some of the pieces even sounded fantastic in the church where we performed (Sure In This Shining Night was quite moving).
Now the “okay”. OutLoud (the small ensemble in which I sing) performed at this show. Of the 12 members, only 8 of us were there. And I was the ONLY BASS!! Needless to say, there was more than a little pressure on me and I had no vocal support. Overall we sounded decent and I managed to hold my own.
(Side note: this whole “small ensemble and solo” singing is really new and scary for me; to be so visible and exposed. So yesterday was kind of a big deal.)
The “not as good”: the space was cramped and it was almost impossible to hear the piano which was wedged far behind the chorus. Sight lines were difficult and time was… Stretchy.. Between the choir and piano sometimes. And the Rutter Gloria had more than a few issues.
And now for “the ugly”.
I sang an unintended “solo” yesterday. Very wrong. Very exposed. And very visible.
As you know, I am singing in the trio that sings in the second movement of the Gloria. Which necessitates having the trio squeeze out from the main chorus and come up front. Well, front but off to the right side.
Our positioning had us about 4 feet in front of the front pews. Which were full of people.
So, I’m already nervous, we’re standing right up front, and it’s hard to see our director. The movement starts and after two measures I open my mouth and start singing.
Only we weren’t doing the abbreviated into. Oh no, we were doing the long intro for this concert.
I was the ONLY one who sang. And I was right smack dab in the front for all to see. And hear.
My biggest fear realized.
The anxiety was excruciating. The wire hit embarrassment all-consuming. I could have just died- and happily so.
In my defense, not ONCE in any rehearsal have we ever done the full intro. And since we didn’t have the brass group, it felt like we would do the abbreviated version. I mean, heck, we DID do another cut in the movement so….
If you recall, I had a similar solo “moment” in Minnesota Brass where I came in early and was mortified. And everyone made fun of me. And I subsequently spent part of a bus ride home crying.
And, in a similar vein once the guys in the chorus figured out who came in early– well, it was sort of “open season”.
I feel awful.
But, you know something? At the end of the day, I survived. The earth didn’t open up and swallow me. I didn’t melt into a pool of shame. Sure it was a mistake, but that’s okay. I recovered and managed to sing the trio part really pretty darn well.
Let’s just hope this got it out of my system and the real performances this week will be flawless.
Or at the very least not so painfully flawed.