So, as many of you know, I’m pretty gay, but I’m not “gay” gay. And by that I mean I’m not constantly in people’s faces about it. I look at it as my sexuality, but that’s only a small fragment of who I am– not the main component. There are about 10 things I would list before “cock sucker”.
To that end, I don’t go spouting off about being gay at the drop of a hat. I’m not closeted by any means, and I don’t think I hide it (hello, I’m 45 and a “confirmed bachelor” wink wink) but like at work I don’t go around twirling rainbow flags and riding unicorns. Mainly because where I work is very conservative.
Like Michelle Bachmann and Sean Hannity conservative.
As you can imagine, singing in the gay chorus is therefore a bit more “higher profile” than I normally am. It is, after all, the mission of the chorus to be out and proud and present positive gay role models in the community. This visibility does make me nervous, but I think the overall mission important enough to risk it.
So it’s kind of a big step for me. I’m trying to be more courageous and authentic (two of the chorus’s core values) and I truly like singing and performing and I don’t like to feel like I have to hide that side of me.
But it is something I worry about. Mainly because I do worry about being fired for being gay. Not that it would ever be directly the reason– oh no. I’m sure my performance ratings would go from stellar to shitty in one fell swoop and then the axe would fall. But it wouldn’t really be my performance.
*** deep breath***
I’m saying all this because this week I was asked to represent the chorus by singing in a 12 person ensemble this coming Saturday morning– on TV. As the showcase entertainment a local news program.
And I said yes.
We’ll be on the morning newscast from 8-9am where this very small, very select group from the chorus will sing several song snippets and one whole number from our upcoming holiday concert. It will be a great opportunity to advertise out concert and to represent the gay community. Just 12 of us. On camera. Broadcast throughout the Metro.
And li’l ol me, standing in the mix and putting my ugly mug out there for all to see. Well– for all those who watch early news on Saturday mornings to see.
But “courage and authenticity”… right?