So, I’ve still been texting and FaceTiming Erick quite a bit. Which is good and bad.
We fully acknowledge the difficulty of the situation and the myriad of challenges our connection presents. And the general fucked-uppedness of it all. We both know that there is no resolution in sight, and are trying to make the best of it.
But it may be verging on “too complicated”.
Poor Erick kind of started withdrawing and shutting down this past week. Too much going on with his family, job, life in SF, friends, Etc. And then when you toss a geographically undesirable guy into the mix….
Well– it “complicates” things.
I feel bad. The last thing I want to do is add to his frustration or stress. I know this situation isn’t easy, but it shouldn’t be upsetting. And it really bothers me that it might be.
Sometimes I kind of wish Erick would meet some great local guy who makes him happy so he would forget all about me. Yeah, it would suck and I would be a bit heartbroken, but Erick would be better off.
In the meantime, he’s trying to sort things out and I’m just avoiding while hoping that the universe makes all the decisions for us.
Facebook doesn’t appear make a status for this.
Let the universe show you the way, in other words, let things just happen and unravel naturally.
True Love isn’t always as convenient as we’d like for it to be. But it’s always worth the effort.
Nothing worse than falling for someone quickly and then having them taken away from you before you discover how disturbed they really are (and vice versa). I honestly do not know anyone who has been able to make a long distance relationship work. I think it is an urban legend that a long distance relationship can actually work out. Maybe for a straight ugly couple, but not in the gay world.
Sorry but I know of too many “long distance” relationships that are working. Today’s society “demands” that both males work so I had to move for my job (to San Francisco from Toledo). We were very happy for over 27 years until he died of cancer.
Don’t want to drop names, but I know of at least two other readers of this blog that are relationships that started out long distance. You have to figure out if the “bumps” in the beginning are worth it in the long run. For many of us, it is worth it.
he’s cute. let’s see what happens, give him some space.
Glad to hear of an Erick update, even if it isn’t all kittens and rainbows. You have some great advice above… now here’s my chance to provide two cents (I know, it’s more like two dollars).
I posted on your first Erick update and shared that I have been through this before. My 10+ year relationship started with two years of long distance. I can tell you that what you both are feeling is very normal. Long distance is difficult, but not impossible.
Like you, I entered a long distance relationship completely on accident. It wasn’t what I was looking for, and it wasn’t something I thought would last, but it did. Here’s the thing: you can’t give up… it’s too early and you have too much of a connection.
A few words of advice…
1. If this relationship were not worthwhile, you would have gradually lost touch after a week or two. It’s easy to sabotage the whole thing by making yourself unavailable (and hoping the other person backs away in response). Don’t fall into that trap. Once you figure out the right dynamic, the benefits will far exceed the challenges.
2. The early stages of any relationship are hard… you’re in an undefined space where both of you are vulnerable. Don’t put too many labels or rules on what you have now. Don’t think about the need for one of you to move to make this work (it seems too impossible right now and you can cross that bridge later). Just be there for each other and keep the lines of communication natural and open.
3. Erick’s recent bout of crappy days has led him to withdraw from you a bit. He probably doesn’t want to burden you with his crap. If you lived in the same town, he would probably back off a bit so he could attend to more immediate stuff. The long distance thing is wearing him down even more. The only thing you can do is to let him know it’s OK that he needs some time alone, and that you’re there if he wants to talk. He’ll be back once he’s out of his funk.
4. It may be too early to talk about this with him, but scheduling an in-person visit may take a lot of the sadness away and give you both something to look forward to. Obviously this has financial implications, but the investment is well worth it and can keep the relationship strong. My partner and I wound up seeing each other for long weekends at least once a month. Stalk Expedia every few days to see what the deals are like and don’t go crazy overplanning the trip to make it “special.”
5. Rent or stream “Going the Distance,” a silly Drew Barrymore/Justin Long rom-com from about three or four years ago about a long distance relationship. Not the best movie in the world, but it will be nice to see glimmers of yourself and Erick in the movie and know that it will all be OK.
6. I said it before, but I need to say it again. Don’t give up. I actually broke up with my boyfriend about four months into our long distance relationship. I couldn’t take it anymore and I convinced myself that we would both be better off if we just moved on. Luckily he was patient with me and I came to my senses a few days later when I realized that I was even more sad without him at all.
I hope all of my yammering helps you or someone else who’s going through the same thing. Without sounding trite, I can tell you it will get better. Just give yourselves the gift of time to explore what you have and the permission to get sad every once in a while.
I’m all four pointer number four. Just jump on a plane and go see the guy. See if the spark is there. A second pass will give you both the opportunity to assess if the relationship is worth pursuing, and additional “umph”to do so.
watch how you write. is the geography undesirable, or the guy? 🙂
Despite his hectic life, if he feels the same way as you, he will find a way to make time for you because he wants to. Give it some time and don’t assume the worst because the situation isn’t the best.