While I was on Facebook this weekend, I saw a very brief update from a guy I used to know (read: “actually dated”). In his update, he cheekily changed his profile status to “married”.

And yes, this was followed up with additional posts about a small ceremony, thanks for those in attendance, etc. And all the while I’m thinking another ex got married??

To date, four different exes of mine have either gotten married and/or forged a life partnership (3 have had full-on weddings). And these bonds are not just with someone they eventually met— oh no. They all found the loves of their lives immediately after breaking up with me.

What. The hell.

It’s not like I have hundreds of ex boyfriends out there so that four is a relatively small percentage. No, I only have a few exes, and the only ones I barely keep up with are all getting (or have gotten) hitched.

What am I, some sort of dating “rite of passage”? They date me, figure out everything they don’t want, have an epiphany, and then move on to magically find Mr. Right?

I guess my dating life can best be chalked up as some sort of relationship “cautionary tale”.

I look back at each of the exes in question and all four of the guys were nice. All were good guys, there was no abuse, and sex was good, etc. But there was always something there in each that wasn’t quite going to work, which is why the relationships ended.

And while I’m happy that each of them has found wuv tuhwoo wuv, I’m also a tad bitter. How could I not be? I mean, something is obviously wrong here, and it doesn’t seem to be related to them.

Nobody likes to be the “dodged bullet”.


About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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14 Responses to Mawwiage….

  1. Look at it the other way: *you* dodged *four* bullets, none of which was “quite right” for you, and which would have made you unhappy in time.

    I spent 18 years in my first relationship, trying to make it work — and being miserable. Still love each other (and get along waaaay better now than we did when we were together), just can’t live together.

    This misery helped *me* clarify, and paved the way for the really beautiful and wonderful man who I’m now with.

    Sometimes these ‘contrast experiences’ help *us* figure out what we really want and need in a mate.

  2. I second the comment above, esp. the final sentence.

    “But there was always something there in each that wasnโ€™t quite going to work, which is why the relationships ended.” – and THAT’S where you escaped a possibly shitty relationship. thank bob you saw it BEFORE you made it legal!

  3. I’m a firm believer that being single is far more healthy than being in the wrong relationship. Your Mr. Right is out there and he’s just as anxious to meet you as you are to find him. He’s worth the wait. You ROCK.

  4. Jason says:

    Basically, you’re a relationship “fluffer”.

  5. NIFP says:

    Oh noes! Now you’ve given that guy that always wants you to go into therapy some ammunition!

  6. brettcajun says:

    It’s simple… YOU ALWAYS MARRY YOUR MOTHER…. not the whore…. That’s why you are not married. You need to change your ways Christopher! (shaking finger at you) ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. wMw says:

    Ever consider therapy?

  8. Mark in DE says:

    I must admit that I’m a little concerned that you found ‘something that wasn’t quite right’ in each of these men. Maybe you’re expecting near perfection. Relationships aren’t perfect, and most of them aren’t based on ‘perfect matches’. Successful relationships happen between people who know themselves, are truly open to a relationship, and most importantly – people who have a connection and can compromise. Sure, a super hot/good-looking guy would be great. But keep your mind open to someone who’s mature, available, shares some of your interests, and with whom you can connect.

  9. Dustin says:

    Awww, I don’t know what to say. I have been reading you for years, and as Mark said, you sometimes do have a checklist. For example, has to get my super dry sarcastic humor ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe you need to ease up, let him find you, be open to new things.

    We all have our “Dream Lover” (yeah I know you are singing that song now) but few people really find them. Sometimes “Opposites Attract” (so sorry, bad song).

    Stop beating yourself up, or I’ll put you on Christian Mingle!

  10. Blobby says:

    Why in the world would anyone keep up with exes? They are ‘ex’ for a reason.

  11. @Blobby:

    because if you’re a grownup, “ex” means “no longer in an intimate relationship”, not “dead to me”.

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