On Blowjobs

Q: Why does a bride smile on her wedding day?

A: Because she knows she’s given her last blowjob.

This joke works because there is more than a little truth present, and the thing is– I get it. Blowjobs suck.

Or more correctly: giving a blowjob is a LOT of work and not a lot of reward.

Ask a gay guy if he likes sucking cock, he’ll probably say “Hell yeah!” But then ask him would he still like it if he never, ever got a blowjob in return.

I bet the enthusiasm would dampen quite a bit.

Now, I don’t want to give everyone the wrong impression here. I like giving head. It’s a fun way to explore a guy’s body, it’s a great part in the foreplay repertoire, and most guys really REALLY like getting them. So it’s nice to be the source of pleasure.

Plus, it can be fun testing what techniques make the guy squirm: hard and fast, slow as a snail, tongue flicks under the head, light lower teeth on the shaft, hand, no hand, tongue scrub, deep throat… The list goes on.

But here’s the deal. Tit for tat, man. If I’m gonna suck you, you need to return the favor. I want some oral gratification, too. I’m not going down on you for my health!

Let’s face it: giving a blowjob is really kind of a chore more than anything. It’s not like the penis magically makes your mouth tingle and sends pleasure waves down your spine. Quite the contrary, it’s generally uncomfortable.

Most guys want to sit or lay down and have you service them. Therefore you are on your knees, head bent down awkwardly to accommodate the dick angle, jaw and tongue and lips getting a hefty workout. Your jaw gets tired, your vertebrae pinched and sore, and yes… You can get a bit bored with it. Especially if the guy gives you no feedback.

Nothing is more frustrating than throwing every tongue trick in the book at a guy’s dick, and to have him just lay there, eyes closed like he’s meditating.

Wait, I take that back. More frustrating than that are the throat fuckers. You know, the guys who are less about getting a blowjob and more about using your face hole. Their sole purpose is to make you gag with their cock. Violently.

I realize some guys really get off on being gagged. That’s great. More power to ya. But I, however, am not one of them. Retching is not fun for me. Having tears and snot run down my face is not a good time in my book. And vomit does not make a good lube.

Just FYI.

And the throat fuckers are often the “manly ones” who don’t reciprocate. It’s all about you servicing them. Yeah I’d like to see them choking on MY dick sometime, see how they like them apples.

Which sort of seques into the topic of “blowjobs with purpose”. What I mean by that is: As fun and nice as blowjobs can be as part of foreplay, sometimes a bj is the whole sexual event. It’s just about getting the guy off with your mouth.

This can be fun, too. It’s meant to be quick and easy sexual adventure. Better than a handjob (because guys give those to themselves all the time) and less “involved” than full on sex. And it can be gratifying for both parties. The suckee gets a warm, wet mouth with no messy cleanup, and the sucker gets the creamy reward and the knowledge that he made the dude bust his nut with his oral skills.

Win-win.

Unless it drags on. And on. And on. And then we are back to it being a fucking chore again. If I’m the sucker, I’m starting to get frustrated at the five minute mark. If I see progress toward the Big O, sure I keep going. And with alacrity, I might add. But if not? I better be getting some feedback from the guy on how to speed up the damn process.

At eight minutes, I’m gonna resort to oral plus hand. A lot of hand.

And at ten minutes, I’m most likely to tap out. I can only be responsible for another’s orgasm so much. While I’m down there, I definitely give it my all. But if after ten minutes of oral administration the dude still isn’t feeling it? Yeah. Dunzo. Time for him to take matters into his own hands. Because to me, we’ve passed the point of diminishing returns.

I mean, It gets to be a helluva lot of work for a tablespoon of salty liquid, no?

Any thoughts?

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About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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22 Responses to On Blowjobs

  1. works that way in the str8 world too. I used to give spouse a bj, but have it returned? oh hell no! “it’s dirty” he would say. well, honey, what about your dick?!? it’s awkward, it’s tiresome, you never know if the dude appreciates it. bj’s are overrated.

  2. Carl says:

    No word of a lie Chris, but I love to give blow jobs and while jot into long sessions of being gagged, I am happy sucking for as long as a guy wants to be sucked, and I could care less about reciprocal BJ’s
    Guess I’m just a submissive guy…

  3. LO says:

    My enthusiasm to give a BJ is directly related to how turned on I am by the guy. If he is wicked hot I can live down there, but if I am only mildly attracted – it ain’t gonna happen!

  4. dbb says:

    I ove a velvety throat to do “stuff” to, and i also like to be on my knees in front of a hot guy with his hands on my head. Ohh, better yet, he is strapped to a wall and blindfloded and i am working his body over with my tongue. Although i can’t suck for more than 10 min, and i too get bored after a time;.

    I have found that the right combinatoin of bj and anal play can get me into the back gates of heaven, wink, wink.

  5. Mark, nee Fuzz says:

    Your alter ego is obviously not FleshLightMouth.

    Totally depends on the guy I’m with. I can be any of those shades of grey. But to address the point, with the right guy, with a nice thick patch of untrimmed pubes, I could spend quite a bit of time between his thighs.

  6. Mark in DE says:

    The act is significantly less enjoyable if the recipient isn’t giving any feedback, I agree.

  7. Ben says:

    I give great head. Been told so over and over. If the guy is giving me feedback; talking, moaning, hand on my head, even some face fucking, I’ll get into it. But for me it’s a means to an end…my end to be exact.

  8. Blobby says:

    you need to be more altruistic about your oral sex.

  9. cm says:

    A fucking Men!

  10. JimA says:

    I love giving head and am one of the weird ones that doesn’t like getting.

  11. YvesPaul says:

    I’m very oral fixated, nothing get me off quicker than having a dick in my mouth. Though if I’m working on one, my jaw with get tired after 15-20 minutes and a lot of hands with be involved. How about a good old 69? who doesn’t enjoy that? I also like fingering a guy while blowing him, it’s a sure way to bring him to orgasm a lot faster.

  12. Chip says:

    69 is very hot….especially if the guy has a hot all natural bush….

  13. Doug Barr says:

    I don’t mind giving them – with time and feedback constraints like yours – but I’m honestly pretty “meh” about getting them unless done right. I’m all about the butt – I could rim a hot butt for, um… ever, pretty much.

  14. justajeepguy says:

    Great post! You hit all the key elements involved with oral sex. As for myself, I enjoy both but like giving more. In my exp, any man who doesn’t suck you too is pretty much into the sex just for his pleasure. And men who don’t know how to communication in sounds or motions are boring.

    How good am I? I’m excellent but there exists a level far above me. You know those men who live to only suck and worship cocks and when you put your cock in their mouth you know instantly, the feeling is like no other, that you’re gonna blow your load and that they are gonna drink and savior every drop and will continue to milk your cock until you can’t take it another second.

  15. bearhunterfl says:

    Enjoyed your perspective in this post, but I actually prefer giving blowjobs without reciprocation. As a guy that gravitates to a submissive role, I love being with a guy who wants to use my mouth for his pleasure and has no intention of reciprocating. Also, I suffer from premature ejaculation, and on too many occasions, my fun has ended too quickly when I guy started sucking my cock and got me off too quickly. I’d rather do the sucking and stimulate myself with my hand while I work at pleasing my partner. I do agree with you that some sort of feedback is needed to make it enjoyable for the guy giving….. If the guy acts bored or indifferent, that’s a buzz kill!

  16. bearhunterfl says:

    On the topic of being throat-fucked…..I think that relates very directly to a Dominant-submissive dynamic. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying being throat-fucked UNLESS they enjoy being dominated.

  17. I’m late to the party, as I tend to be.

    For me as a “giver”, it all depends on the circumstances and the man. As a “receiver”, pretty much the same way. I guess it really is all about communication!

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