Twice!! BY THE SAME GUY!
God, I hate “flakes”.
You know– guys who agree to meet up (mostly for sex, but occasionally for a date) and then suddenly disappear around the time you are supposed to
hook meatmeet up. Not only is it annoying and disrespectful, but it’s completely unnecessary.
If you got a better offer or got cold feet, just tell me. No big whoop.
But to just not show up? Or text? Or email? And to just vanish?
This past Wednesday I was stood up by a guy. We met online and had been chatting via text and phone for several days. We agreed to meet up Wednesday evening after he got done with dinner with his friends. 8:30 maybe, but No later than 9.
It was going to be possibly a beer, but probably skipping right to sex. We would see. He would text me when he was ready.
9 o’clock rolls around- no text. 9:30. 10. 10:30. No call, no text. Nada. And now it was my bedtime. So I turned off my ringer, and hit the hay, effectively writing this one off.
The next morning I awoke to 3 lengthy text messages and a phone message all profusely apologizing. He wasn’t “flaking out” on me, it was his phone. It had gotten wet in the rain and he had low battery and it quit working and he didn’t bring his good charger and he didn’t have my contact info and he just now got it working again and it was 11:30 and was I still maybe up for meeting?
I had one thought after reading and listening to him: meth.
Which is what I texted back to him Thursday morning.
Cb: are you on meth? Because your behavior and the excuses seem a bit “meth user”. I don’t do meth users.
Him: no! I’m totally not a meth addict! I’m a doctor and in only use prescribed meds. And it really was my phone! I pride myself on not standing guys up– can we talk on the phone??
Against my better judgement, we did. And he pled his case well. And I mean on paper he seems like a decent guy. Well educated, similar interests. Big dick. So I agreed to give him another chance.
Saturday morning. 11 am. We could do farmers market or just fuck. Or have coffee. Whatever.
Saturday morning rolls around. 11 am. 11:05. 11:10. 11:15. No cally, no texty.
Then I get a ping. “Hey, I’m running late. Need another 20 minutes.”
Cb: you know? Just forget it. Don’t bother coming now.
Him: are you kidding?? You are canceling because I’m not going to be there right at 11:30?
Cb: you said you would be here at 11 sharp. You chose the time. And now will be 40 minutes late.
Him: but I’m ready now and out the door
Cb: this just isn’t going to work. Poor communication is one of my big pet peeves
Him: can we talk on the phone? I’m calling right now
And we chatted on the phone. Once again, he pulled out a litany of excuses. He didn’t sleep well and woke up late and then got stuck trying to pick just the perfect outfit for our first meeting and then it was past 11 and then his garage door wasn’t opening and really struggles with time management and …
At that point I got really (read: brutally) honest with him. I tried to be as constructive as possible while explaining how a list of excuses for being late doesn’t make it ok. All it does is make you seem squirrelly and full of drama.
I also explained how not communicating your tardiness prior to the appointed meeting time is rude and shows disrespect. And basically sends the message “your time isn’t important to me and you aren’t worthy of any special consideration”.
He thanked me for my honesty and we parted on friendly terms. He even asked to keep my number so he could maybe call after he works on some of these issues. I said he could (but I’m not holding my breath).
I feel somewhat bad, because I do believe he is a nice guy. (And a doctor!) But I also feel like I really dodged a bullet.