This weekend I spent a birthday gift card and got a food processor. Specifically I got this one:
Mainly because it was what Target had, was close to the gift card amount, and online reviews were good.
Kitchenaid also has a reputation for being fairly high quality– hell, they should be with what they cost. What I didn’t expect was for it not to work.
Okay- here’s the scoop. So I buy the damn thing, get it home, all pulled out of the box and washed and ready for salsa making. I’m quite excited as I’ve never had a food processor before, let alone actually used one. But I read the manual and got it all ready to go.
I had my veggies cleaned and cut into feedable sizes, and was ready to go. So I plugged the bad boy in, screwed on the base and lid, pushed the low speed button and…
Nada. Zip. Zilch. Bubkiss. No spinny, no choppy.
WTF?!? So I unplug and try a different outlet. I took on and off the bowl, making sure it locked into place. I checked the fuse box. I triplechecked to make sure the blade was snug down.
All to no avail.
Now I was pissed, so I boxed the thing up as best I could, and drove furiously to the nearest Target. I wanted to exchange the thing and get one that worked.
Presto-chango, and I have exchanged my “defective” unit for a new one. I drive home, unpack it, and this time I plug the fucker in to make sure it works even before cleaning it.
I assembled it, pushed the low speed button and…
Now I’m thinking something isn’t right. The odds of getting two defective units with the exact same failure mode is really remote. There had to be something I was missing.
I read and re-read the manual. I followed the troubleshooting guide again. Tried all I could think of– and nothing worked.
Now wicked pissed, I turned to the internet. And let me just say Thank God For Google. I typed in “Kitchenaid Food Processor Won’t Start”. And lo!
Evidently the lid to the processor has to be oriented with the feed chute at the front of the machine (above the control buttons). If the chute isn’t in this position, the thing won’t turn on.
What isn’t clear to me is why you can also lock the lid with the chute to the side, but that won’t work.
What is also not clear is why there is ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING MENTION OF THIS TEENSY LITTLE FACT ANYWHERE IN THE GODDAMN INSTRUCTION MANUAL!
Having the feed chute to the side seemed logical to me as you wouldn’t be dripping crap all over the control buttons while you loaded the machine. Also, this is how I remembered other food processors looking– like Cuisinart perhaps?
And why even design a lid that can lock in different configurations if only one of them allows for the blades to function? That design engineer should be shot.
Now, go back and look at the google image of the processor from the top of this post. Note the position of the chute. Yeah– it ain’t gonna work thst way fuckers.
As you can imagine, I was seething. But I now had a functional food processor. And my salsa?
Now I need ideas of other crap I can make in it. Like cheese balls, or soups, or julienne fries!