I made an interesting discovery last night.
What I had originally thought were my upstairs neighbors having loud sex, turns out to be my shared wall neighbors instead!
I was in bed early last night, and as I was just drifting off to sleep, I started to hear that familiar “scoot scoot scoot” noise of a four poster bed skidding back and forth on a hardwood floor.
So I perked up.
I also heard the telltale squeaking and creaking of headboard motion along with muffled groans.
Odd. I could hear their fucky-fucky more distinctly now, it seemed.
Originally I thought all these noises were coming from above, but as I focused on listening, the noises sounded much closer.
Like from right on the other side of the wall!
I live in an end unit and have precisely one shared wall with a neighbor. And our condos are mirror images– their bedroom abuts mine. And my headboard just happens to be against that wall.
As is theirs evidently. (I’m betting they recently moved it to this location).
Seeing as how they disturbed my slumber, I decided to listen a bit more attentively. And by that I mean with my ear to the wall.
Yup– it was them alright. I could hear the bed noises much more clearly. And the moans.
He’s a “machine gunner”. Pumps hard and fast in short bursts, with pauses inbetween. I can almost picture them “doin’ it” in my head. Missionary position, her legs elevated slightly. Him on top, slapping away at her sloppy slit.
If he’s good, during the pauses he’s pulling out to eat her pussy. Judging from her moans, he’s good.
Last night apparently she got hers first, because I heard her poodle-esque “Oh! Oh! Ohhh!” yips. I thought they might be finished, and i missed the grand finale.
There was a final vigorous round of machine gunning while the headboard creaked in protest. I found myself sort of whispering encouragement to the wall.
“Fuck yeah! Breed that pussy deep!” I muttered. (I watch far too much porn.)
He then arrived with his standard, guttural “Ohhhh FUUUUUUUUUCK!”
As I lay in bed smoking a cigarette (I kid) all the pieces started to fall into place.
The condo next door used to have a quiet couple living there and she worked very early in the morning. Never heard a peep from them.
But then they moved, and the unit was vacant for a time. But then this past summer I noticed I was hearing signs of life over there. An alarm clock. A dropped object rolling across the floor.
And now the making sex.
And this past weekend I heard hammering and other sounds emanating from their place. I think they tweaked their bedroom– and moved their bed.
It only makes sense. If the bed were on the other wall in the room, their sex noises would be reverberating from a different location, thus making bit difficult for me to pinpoint.
But now that our headboards are separated by a shared wall, I get to delight in their boot-knocking.
But to quote Bugs Bunny: of course you realize, this means war.