Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

I made an interesting discovery last night.

What I had originally thought were my upstairs neighbors having loud sex, turns out to be my shared wall neighbors instead!

Well well!

I was in bed early last night, and as I was just drifting off to sleep, I started to hear that familiar “scoot scoot scoot” noise of a four poster bed skidding back and forth on a hardwood floor.

So I perked up.

I also heard the telltale squeaking and creaking of headboard motion along with muffled groans.

Odd. I could hear their fucky-fucky more distinctly now, it seemed.

Originally I thought all these noises were coming from above, but as I focused on listening, the noises sounded much closer.

Like from right on the other side of the wall!

I live in an end unit and have precisely one shared wall with a neighbor. And our condos are mirror images– their bedroom abuts mine. And my headboard just happens to be against that wall.

As is theirs evidently. (I’m betting they recently moved it to this location).

Seeing as how they disturbed my slumber, I decided to listen a bit more attentively. And by that I mean with my ear to the wall.

Yup– it was them alright. I could hear the bed noises much more clearly. And the moans.

He’s a “machine gunner”. Pumps hard and fast in short bursts, with pauses inbetween. I can almost picture them “doin’ it” in my head. Missionary position, her legs elevated slightly. Him on top, slapping away at her sloppy slit.

If he’s good, during the pauses he’s pulling out to eat her pussy. Judging from her moans, he’s good.

Last night apparently she got hers first, because I heard her poodle-esque “Oh! Oh! Ohhh!” yips. I thought they might be finished, and i missed the grand finale.


There was a final vigorous round of machine gunning while the headboard creaked in protest. I found myself sort of whispering encouragement to the wall.

“Fuck yeah! Breed that pussy deep!” I muttered. (I watch far too much porn.)

He then arrived with his standard, guttural “Ohhhh FUUUUUUUUUCK!”

As I lay in bed smoking a cigarette (I kid) all the pieces started to fall into place.

The condo next door used to have a quiet couple living there and she worked very early in the morning. Never heard a peep from them.

But then they moved, and the unit was vacant for a time. But then this past summer I noticed I was hearing signs of life over there. An alarm clock. A dropped object rolling across the floor.

And now the making sex.

And this past weekend I heard hammering and other sounds emanating from their place. I think they tweaked their bedroom– and moved their bed.

It only makes sense. If the bed were on the other wall in the room, their sex noises would be reverberating from a different location, thus making bit difficult for me to pinpoint.

But now that our headboards are separated by a shared wall, I get to delight in their boot-knocking.

But to quote Bugs Bunny: of course you realize, this means war.


About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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15 Responses to Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

  1. Gk says:

    Time to get vocal!

  2. justajeepguy says:

    Maybe you should send him a six-pack.

  3. OMB! embarrassing! I can see your smirk now…

  4. A laugh track machine set to “polite applause” and a big speaker.

  5. Chip says:

    Hate, Hate, HATE, shared bedroom walls….

  6. Rob says:

    Of coure this means they can hear you as well

  7. rg says:

    You should send them a Thank You note for the free entertainment.

  8. truthspew says:

    Only ever lived in a horizontally stacked place once. That was enough. Now horizontally stacked instead. It does occasionally sound like they’re rolling bowling balls down the center of their living room, dining room and kitchen. And then there’s the pitter patter of little feet.

    It’s an improvement. We used to hear knock down drag out fights. To the point where I almost called the 5-0 one night.

  9. Mark in DE says:

    Lucky you! πŸ™‚

  10. bearhunterfl says:

    Time for you to return the favor LOL….
    I smiled when I read your line on putting your ear to the wall….I’m guilty of that too…..there is nothing that commands my attention more than the sounds of sex from the other side of the wall….

  11. brettcajun says:

    Ugh. So glad I live in rural america where we keep our distance from neighbors.

  12. zack says:

    If this means war, then let me enlist!

  13. Nik_TheGreek says:

    Beat them to it… πŸ™‚

  14. Dustin says:

    I think you should fashion some kind of amplifying cone to put up to the wall, which is attached to a powerful speaker, from which you can give commentary next time πŸ™‚

  15. You should just mirror them having sex, but make sure you get your cookies after they do.

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