Okay, so I may have encountered a borderline freak on Facebook.
This is a local guy and somehow we became Facebook friends, even though we’ve never met. Friends of mutual friends or some such chain.
Anyway, he messages me on Facebook the other day with a picture. Of his erect penis.
Evidently he knew me well enough to think I might actually enjoy that sort of thing. Which I do. Especially nice ones– which his was.
So this opened up a whole message dialog, when then spilled into text messaging. And more pictures of his equipment.
And descriptions of what he would like to do to me with said equipment while shoving a jock strap in my mouth and smacking my ass, etc.
It was all very titillating. So much so, that I thought it might be worth a look-see in person.
Which is precisely when everything changed.
First it was going to be a meet up (aka sex) on Sunday. But the goddamn snow storm put the kibosh on that. Then it was Monday.
Because of traffic on Monday and working out, I got home quite late. And there was already a text message when I finally checked my phone.
Him: So I guess you aren’t coming over
Me: I just got home, I haven’t even eaten yet.
Him: well, just forget it. I have to get up early in the morning.
Me: um, ok.
It was a little after 7 pm at that point.
He messages me later and says he’s going out with friends on Tuesday and I should meet up with him at the club. I told him I wasn’t much of a club goer, and it might be a tad bit awkward to meet up with him for the first time for a sex hookup while all of his buddies were there.
Then I heard nothing. So I messaged him on Wednesday morning and asked him how the club was and if he might want to get together Later that evening.
Him: Oh, I don’t do random hookups anymore.
Me: okaaaay, so what changed?
Him: I’m looking to settle down with a guy. Maybe start a family.
Me: that’s… admirable, but just last night you said you wanted to bang me in a stall at the bar. Right?
Him: I’ve decided there’s no time like the present to start looking to settle down
Me: Well, good luck with that
Him: what? I get asked out all the time. I’m just being picky
Me: well, don’t be too picky- cuz after 40, your options will dry up and disappear
Him: Oh I’ve got tons of options. Guys think I’m cute all the time. In fact I have a date tonight with a really cute guy who bought me coffee just the other day
Me: good for you. I hope it works out
Him: why wouldn’t it work out? He wants all the same things in life that I do
Me: yeah, but it might not be with you
Him: he’s the one whom and up to me and asked me out
Me: You dont have to justify things to me. I just really hope it works out
Him: you’re a pessimist
Me: I prefer to say “realist”
So, did I dodge a bullet or what? Seriously, in less than 24 hours this guy goes from talking about the filthy things he wants to do to my butthole, to saying he wants a white wedding and adopted Korean children with a guy here at a coffee shop.
And why did he feel the need to tell me all about it?
Uggh. Men suck.