Facebook Freak

Okay, so I may have encountered a borderline freak on Facebook.

This is a local guy and somehow we became Facebook friends, even though we’ve never met. Friends of mutual friends or some such chain.

Anyway, he messages me on Facebook the other day with a picture. Of his erect penis.

Evidently he knew me well enough to think I might actually enjoy that sort of thing. Which I do. Especially nice ones– which his was.

So this opened up a whole message dialog, when then spilled into text messaging. And more pictures of his equipment.

And descriptions of what he would like to do to me with said equipment while shoving a jock strap in my mouth and smacking my ass, etc.

It was all very titillating. So much so, that I thought it might be worth a look-see in person.

Which is precisely when everything changed.

First it was going to be a meet up (aka sex) on Sunday. But the goddamn snow storm put the kibosh on that. Then it was Monday.

Because of traffic on Monday and working out, I got home quite late. And there was already a text message when I finally checked my phone.

Him: So I guess you aren’t coming over

Me: I just got home, I haven’t even eaten yet.

Him: well, just forget it. I have to get up early in the morning.

Me: um, ok.

It was a little after 7 pm at that point.

He messages me later and says he’s going out with friends on Tuesday and I should meet up with him at the club. I told him I wasn’t much of a club goer, and it might be a tad bit awkward to meet up with him for the first time for a sex hookup while all of his buddies were there.

Then I heard nothing. So I messaged him on Wednesday morning and asked him how the club was and if he might want to get together Later that evening.

Him: Oh, I don’t do random hookups anymore.

Me: okaaaay, so what changed?

Him: I’m looking to settle down with a guy. Maybe start a family.

Me: that’s… admirable, but just last night you said you wanted to bang me in a stall at the bar. Right?

Him: I’ve decided there’s no time like the present to start looking to settle down

Me: Well, good luck with that

Him: what? I get asked out all the time. I’m just being picky

Me: well, don’t be too picky- cuz after 40, your options will dry up and disappear

Him: Oh I’ve got tons of options. Guys think I’m cute all the time. In fact I have a date tonight with a really cute guy who bought me coffee just the other day

Me: good for you. I hope it works out

Him: why wouldn’t it work out? He wants all the same things in life that I do

Me: yeah, but it might not be with you

Him: he’s the one whom and up to me and asked me out

Me: You dont have to justify things to me. I just really hope it works out

Him: you’re a pessimist

Me: I prefer to say “realist”

Him: Whatevs.

So, did I dodge a bullet or what? Seriously, in less than 24 hours this guy goes from talking about the filthy things he wants to do to my butthole, to saying he wants a white wedding and adopted Korean children with a guy here at a coffee shop.

And why did he feel the need to tell me all about it?

Uggh. Men suck.

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About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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18 Responses to Facebook Freak

  1. Gk says:

    Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn!!! Jest sayin’!

  2. zack says:

    Yeah, there’s definitely a “Three Faces of Eve” thing going on there. And men do suck, usually not in the good way.

  3. Cute Canadian says:

    KOO KOO!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s ALL I have to say about that!!! What the F#%& is WRONG with people???!!!!!

  4. Dirk says:

    Wow.
    I’m so glad my dating days are over.

  5. Rich says:

    He’s restraining order quality….definitely decline whenhe asks you to the wedding. Bullet dodged.

  6. JimA says:

    See why I don’t date any more?

  7. Chip says:

    Gheesh, CB — share our private FB chat with the world. 😉

  8. Mark, nee Fuzz says:

    What can happen in 24 hours? One’s doctor can change one’s meds. The pendulum can swing from manic to depressive. Sybil can swap one personality out and another in. This is why I tell people Grindr is dangerous. What if this nut knew where you live, where you play, how you drive to work?

  9. truthspew says:

    LOL – and I have to share a little secret. Even if you are over 40 you still get PLENTY of attention, or at least I do. Kind of pointless really as I’ve been with the same guy for 20 years now.

  10. holy crap! block! do not respond!

    PS – most men suck, gay and str8. the good ones are few and far between.

  11. Chip says:

    I think you would be an interesting person to follow on facebook. Send me the info if you’re interested.

  12. rjjs8878 says:

    I think you just dodged a serious bullet.

  13. Doug Barr says:

    Wow, uh… yeah. Bullet dodged. A whole damn hail of bullets dodged, I’m thinking.

  14. rg says:

    Definitely cray-cray. That jockstrap in your mouth could’ve just as easily been a rope around your neck. Be careful CB.

  15. Nik_TheGreek says:

    That’s how you end it? Men ‘suck’? lol…
    But yes, you dodged a bullet alright…

  16. Mark in DE says:

    This is precisely why I DON’T accept friend invitations on facebook from people I’ve never met in person, regardless of how many friends we have in common. Sorry he turned out to be a jerk, but don’t give up hope. Some day you’ll find a sweet guy who will want to terrorize your butthole.

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