I have a couple questions about weddings and I’m hoping my readers can shed some light for me.

Question #1: if you are asked to be in someone’s wedding, does that mean you are responsible for costs associated (tux rental, party events, etc?)

Question #2: What is a reasonable time commitment expectation if you are participating?

Question #3: At what point should you expect an itinerary of the wedding do you know when you are supposed to be where, etc?

Question #4: What would be a reasonable gift to give?

The reason I ask these questions is that I am paying for the tux rental but opted out of the “post wedding” event that was to cost $25 a person.

I’m also having to take a half day off work because it’s a Friday wedding and the expectation is to be ready to photograph at 2:45 pm.

Which, I might add, I just learned on Sunday. I had no knowledge of any of the wedding itinerary until then, so I had to scramble to get a half day off work approved.

All of this has caught me a bit off guard. I guess I was just expecting to show up about 15 minutes before the wedding, do the thing, then hot the reception.

But maybe all of the above is normal wedding stuff and to be expected. But that’s where I need your input. I just don’t do many weddings and have never been “in” one.

So… Feedback? And what would be an appropriate gift?

Thanks in advance.


About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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8 Responses to Weddings

  1. Tony says:

    I’ve only once been in a wedding and i was the best man. I paid the rental. I had to write a toast for the reception, but did not have to pay anything. I had to throw a bachelor party and go to rehearsal/dinner. But I knew about it all pretty far out as I recall. definitely more than a week, And it was on a Saturday, so didn’t have the work issue.

  2. BosGuy says:

    CB –
    This is what I would suggest protocol here in Boston would dictate based on my past experiences. Keep in mind this is not written anywhere and may be different in other parts of the country.

    Question #1: The cost for renting / buying said outfits are your responsibility.

    Question #2: Time commitment varies according to how elaborate the event is. At a minimum for most weddings there is usually an expectation that you will be there for the rehearsal (generally the day before the big event) as well as the day of the event.

    Question #3: Details usually manifest a few weeks or month before but reminders are often sent the week of and day before to the party.

    Question #4: Protocol suggests that your gift should be comparable in price to what the couple has spent on your meal (and your guests if you have brought one). However, I spend more depending on my relationship with the couple getting married. You also have one year to send or provide a gift – I often wait until the 10th or 11th month and give them a gift card to a restaurant they like. I do this because the one year anniversary is “paper” so a gift card always seems appropriate and thoughtful to me.

  3. josh says:

    What is the “post wedding event”? Is that something other than the reception? Is it a family or friend? Same or opposite sex couple?

  4. Rick says:

    I’ve been a groomsman 5 times and a best man twice and have never had to pay for my own tux. When I was younger the groom’s family footed the bill, thinking I’m sure that a college kid could not afford such an expense. The two times in my early 30’s, I could have rented my own but my friends footed the bill. Why shouldn’t they? And I’ll be damned if I had to pay out of pocket for a party or reception. No way. And after you rented your own tux and took the time to stand up for them. There’s exceptions to every rule but still. As far as a gift, how about a box of condoms where this thing doesn’t happen again for future generations? 🙂 Nah gift cards-they all want gift cards or cash.

  5. Chip says:

    I agree with most of what BosGuy says, except:
    You should give a gift the day of the wedding, otherwise the couple either thinks you stiffed them, or worse, that they lost the gift.

    You should be invited to the ‘Post-wedding’ event, but absolutely should NOT have to pay, as you are a participant in the wedding !!

  6. Mark, nee Fuzz says:

    Maybe I’m just an old crank. But they just told you Sunday about a formal affair to take place Friday afternoon. Given that, along with the other details, I’d say an appropriate gift would be a size 14 Wesco up the ass. Bride or groom. Take your pick.

  7. Blobby says:

    I’ve never heard of a paid post-wedding event. Sounds like cheapskates. But yes, you pay for the rental. ….and let’s face it, they are bad planners if they tell you on Sunday about a schedule for Friday.

  8. Hal says:

    Chip, Do not bring your gift the day of the event. The couple doesn’t want to, and their parents may not have the resources… car, room, etc. to handle the gift. Proper etiquette says send the gift in advance to the bride’s residence or couples residence after the event.

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