Jack Black Must Die

It is no secret that I hate all things Jack Black.

He’s that fat, ugly guy that tries to overcompensate with humor, but he tries too hard and it makes you sad and uncomfortable. So he keeps trying, which becomes annoying. And then he keeps trying, until you end up resenting him and silently willing some New York mugger to stab him in the throat just to be done with it.

I patently refuse to see any movie with him in it, even if he is only doing voice work. Sorry ‘Flung Poo Panda’.

The reason I bring this up is that I wrote a post MANY years ago titled “Why Won’t Tenacious D Die Already?” In it, I basically outlined my hatred for Jack and his little “musical group”, and wished that they would die in a small, fiery plane crash in an Iowa cornfield.

And I still occasionally get people commenting on that post to this day.

Case in point, some ShoreBag left this comment on the post last night:

shut the hell up because you all must not have any funny bones in your bodies. your the ones that need to die. you guys must be all up tight and shit. its not suppose to be realistic its just suppose to make you laugh which you guys cant do apperently you mother fuck ups. LEARN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST ENJOY IT!

[sic]

Obviously penned by a recent product of our American public education system, no?

Not being one to leave comments unanswered (for that would be rude), here’s what I had to say in reply:

How the FUCK are we supposed to enjoy them when they are so motherfucking bad that they cause cancer. And not even the curable kind– we’re talking Farrah or Swayze cancer!

The best thing to come from this comment yesterday is that it made me realize something. I haven’t heard anything about J.B. in quite some time.

Not since Gulliver’s Abortion, really.

Evidently Hollywood has grown weary of his schtick and he’s slithered back into his little hole for the time being. And this suits me just fine.

Now about that Will Ferrell….

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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15 Responses to Jack Black Must Die

  1. Dirk says:

    “Evidently Hollywood has grown weary of his schtick and he’s slithered back into his little hole for the time being…”

    Actually, in 2011 Jack Black once again lent his voice to the panda Po in KUNG FU PANDA 2, appeared as himself in THE MUPPETS, and co-starred in the bird-watchers film THE BIG YEAR with Steve Martin and Owen WIlson. And I’m sure you have no interest in his appearance on AMERICAN IDOL where he performed “Fat Bottomed Girls” with Idol hope-ful Casey Abrams…so I provided a link. No thanks is necessary.

  2. Yes! I thought I was alone in the Will Ferrell Anti-Fan Club. Clearly Jack Black’s demise will move Mr. Ferrell closer to the end of his reign of stupid.

  3. Ben says:

    PREACH IT, BROTHA! …Proud to say I’ve NEVER seen a Will Ferrell movie. AND of the combined 20 minutes of all things JB I’ve seen before changing the channel, I’ve seen him do that dumbass eyebrow thing about 20 times. DOUCHE!

  4. Jim says:

    This makes me sad seeing how he would play me in my life movie. And since you hate him you would hate me and now I must go cry.

  5. Blobby says:

    Lord. Tenacious D is still around?? Is Jack Black? Can you believe they entrusted him to ‘King Kong’? WTF was Peter Jackson thinking?

    Will Ferrel has been dead to me since at least ‘Bewitched’. Possibly before. I haven’t seen anything of his past ‘Anchorman’ – though I think i’ve seen some skating movie he was in on cable. HORRID.

  6. QO says:

    HATE Jack Black, Will Ferrell, Jim Carey and that horrid bitch Jennifer Aniston!! They all need houses to fall on them!!!

  7. Linda Cermakova says:

    He is one of my favourite actors and I hate his haters….BUT WANT HIM TO DIE? REALLY? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS. I hate some actors celebrities too, but want them to die?…Erm. FUCK YOU ALL, MOTHERFUCKERS!

    • cb says:

      Yes. I’m serious. And I’d like to see you die from an infection caused by botched abortion.

      • Linda Cermakova says:

        You want me to die bacause I am fan of Jack Black…It’s funny and ironic, because I saw your reaction during watching THE BIG YEAR and listening Tenacious D. Well, on my funeral (after my very poetic death you chose me) will play Jack’s music.

        P.S. My death is not going to be from infection caused by botched abortion. I gonna jump of high building, because it’s annoying live on one planet with suckers like you. (I gonna jump like Sherlock. I guess you hate it like you hate Jack Black, because it’s very good show and you can’t identify anything good. ) You are lucky I am not english speaking, because in my language I am very very very good rhetorician.

        P.P.S. You are fucking cockyass and offensive asshole. But I don!t wish you death. I am not great bag of dicks like you.

    • cb says:

      I apologize.

      I’d really prefer you die while trapped inside a burning car.

      Preferably with Tenacious D.

      • Linda Cermakova says:

        Haha, you must be very popular on parties, man.

        Well, then we will meet each other in hell. That sounds like very interesting discusions for eternity.
        I will play Tenacious D there. Very loudly.

        Are you lookin’ forward as I do?

        P.S. You are still fuckin’ cockyass and offensive asshole.

  8. Linda Cermakova says:

    Oh, Don’t leave me, my dear hater!

    Does that mean I did win?
    Btw, I am 15 years-old.
    You have been kicked by teenager.
    Life sucks, doesn’t it?

  9. Y.B. says:

    Wow. You’re a spiteful old-ass bitch, aren’t you? I think that it is very redneck and ultimate white-trash of you to condemn people who’ve done you no wrong. All you haters need to take a chill pill and calm the fuck down! And all this immature death-wishing talk just bores the fuck out of me. Please stop spreading your negative energy, just because you’re ancient and don’t have any life whatsoever. I hope that not all the people from the baby boom during the aftermath of World War II are all turning into cranky old bitches like you.

    I do realize that this is the internet, and that every wrinkly old white-trash horn-dogs like you in the entire planet drop their courtesies and manners along with their trousers to fap to tranny porn and Farrah Abraham in the closet to hide from your wives, but stop limp-dicking around. Seems like you hate every universally loved movie with Jack Black and Will Ferrell in it, lol. I must admit, Wheels of Fury (The ice skating atrocity that you mentioned) was indeed the gayest thing I’ve ever seen in my life but we do not need saggy flacids like you hopping around on your scrotum South-Park style ok? Have a nice day. 😀

    P.S. I hope you realized my employment of sarcasm, or you really are a white-trash horndog. Anyways, have a nice day.

    P.P.S. And please, don’t bother trying to think of a witty or otherwise clever response to this. I’ll understand if you decide to save a little bit of dignity and pretending your old-ass eyes accidentally overlooked my feedback. Now, for the last time, have a hit-you-in-the-crotch-fantastic day. 😀

    • cb says:

      I apologize. What was I thinking? What I meant was “I’d like to set fire to Jack Black with your burning body. And then make s’mores.”

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