A wee bit conflicted…

Ok, so I have this “friend” whom we shall call “Derrick” (for that’s his name).  And when I say “friend” in quotes like this, you all know what I really mean is “fuck buddy”, right?

And, correct me if I’m wrong, but the whole point of having a FB is you get to make the fun sexytimes with none of the icky committment stuff, right?  RIGHT??

Well, unfortunately I may be sort of developing the “f-word” with respect to Derrick.  And by f-word I mean feelings.  Not strong ones, by any means– my heart is far too cold and black for that– but faint stirrings.  Stirrings decidedly NOT confined to my loins…

… although he stirs those nicely, thank you very much.

Physically, I’m attracted to him.  And not just the one piece, either (which luckily is a very nice ‘stirrer’, btw).  There’s just something about him that I find handsome to look at.  And I like his body.  He’s not my normal big, burly “type”; he’s thinner and shorter than I am.  But it’s nice.  And he just feels good, you know?

Mentally, I know there are some red flags.  Well, not crazy red flags per se, but definitely some warning semaphore is going on.  Like the fact that he’s close to my age and still a student.  Not a “going back at night for an MBA student” either.

I also think that he doesn’t own a car.  Or at the very least, he’s very into walking, biking, and urban transportation (like the bus).  It’s a damn good thing he only lives a mile or so away from me.

Oh, and I think he smokes pot. 

At least I’m fairly certain he smokes pot.  He’s never brought any to my place and never mentioned it or “offered”.  But I have my suspicions, especially after the one night he came over and seemed a bit scattered, and his kisses tasted like he’d been smoking, but it was… different…  and then he ate my ass like it was Golden Corral. 

He might also be a regular smoker– but I’ve thankfully never tasted or smelled that on him.

One might think this would be enough to put me off, but strangely it isn’t.  I know he also works a couple jobs while doing the school thing, so he seems driven.  Or at least like he has a plan.  And the course he’s been talking about sounds interesting (something about how the advent of mass printing affected information dissemination and world literacy, blah blah blah).

Of course his work and study schedule sort of limits our sexytimes (also a negative).

But after making the sexy, we lounge around and kiss and talk and… cuddle (uggh, I KNOW!).  Dare I say it’s rather nice? I also learn the most fascinating nuggets about him.  Like that he has studied abroad– once in Venezuela, and once in Chile.

And in his 20’s he spent the better part of a year trekking through Nepal and India.

Oh, and did I mention he’s an accomplished top who loves sucking dick?

Granted, he isn’t like my viking neighbor (whom I am still smitten with, but who is also married and therefore painfully unavailable).  But he’s nice and available.  At least more available for fucking than the neighbor.

And I find myself thinking about him a little bit during the day… wondering if I should text him…

I’m in trouble, aren’t I?