Twisted Nerve

Remember in Kill Bill where Elle (aka Colorado Mountain Snake) is dressed in the naughty nurse costume replete with awesome eyepatch and she’s “whistling” a tune as she walks down the hallway?

Well the tune is called “Twisted Nerve” by Bernard Herrmann.

But it could also be an apropos reference to what my Friday post did to several of my readers.

Evidentally it’s fine for me to eviscerate the family circus, women with bad glamour shots, and disturbing pregnancy portraits, because nobody has ever told me that I was too mean or went too far with those.  But poke fun at a few gay men, and suddenly it’s clutch the pearls time.

According to the pussification of America, I guess it is expected that I should apologize for stepping on some people’s delicate feelings. 

Well, I say fuck that. 

America has become a big society of full namby-pamby crybabies.  Boo hoo, I’m being picked on!  Waaaa, you said something mean about me so I’m gonna sue!  You made fun of publicly posted photographs of fellow gays, you went too far!

To quote Ferris Buehler:  a) you can never go too far, and b) if I’m gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by someone like THAT.

I realize that there is a philosophy held by some folks that all of ‘teh gayz’ need to stick together and be supportive, etc etc, blah blah blah.  Well, I’m sorry, homey don’t play dat. (Ooo, now he’s racist, too!)

I’m gonna pick on whomever and whatever I please, and I’m not about to start censoring myself.

Next you’ll be telling me that it’s wrong to pick on retarded kids with cancer.  Geesh!

Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m gonna give a free pass to all my gay bretheren (or sisteren as the case may be) out there.  Especially when our people give me so much comedic fodder to work with!

I mean, case in point:

Not a bad looking guy… by why did he have to go and fuck it up by doing “Predator Mouth”?

Seriously, I’m hearing those alien clicking noises while looking at him!

Is this really the image you want on Grindr?  Ooo, look.  Predator is 380 feet away from my present location- I guess it’s time to douse myself with mud and block my heat signature.

Oh, and don’t tell me Grindr is an app for finding new friends.  Bullshit.  It’s a hookup app.  It’s an electronic way to find another gay guy nearby who might be up for a fuck.  That’s it.  So why upload a fucked up picture of yourself for the shallow, superficial gay world to reject?

And that’s another thing.  It’s not like I secretly ambushed these guys, took unflattering paparazzo pics, and then sold them to Perez Hilton.  These were publically displayed pictures that they themselves chose to upload!

Because of that, I say “game on”.

I mean, I can only imagine what folks would say about me if I chose to use one of these pictures as a profile shot:

God, would you look at the head on THAT thing.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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24 Responses to Twisted Nerve

  1. Drew says:

    Well, yes, I’m looking at the head on THAT thing, and I’m thinking:

    “My God, he could suck the seeds out of a watermelon with those lips!”

    (is that racist enough?)

    BTW, I call my dick “Watermelon”.

  2. Partick says:

    Those are some fine shots. Did you intend to channel “Mac Tonight” in the upper right semi-profile pic? Your noggin does posess some similarities to that half moon near your computer. Just sayin.

  3. Partick says:

    Also… you should do a post titled “what’s on the whiteboard”. I have one in my office that’s 6×4 and is similarly filled with diagrams, lists, and algorithms. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the whiteboard is the floorplan.

  4. D@vid says:

    It’s your blog… you shouldn’t censor what you say because it’s your opinion… otherwise it would be a blog about other people’s opinions, and there are enough of those already.

  5. Ryan says:

    I don’t even… what just happened?

    As I said in a reply to RG I find you hilarious, but I agreed with Jack that it was a cheap laugh. I wasn’t saying you couldn’t do it (or even shouldn’t do it). All I meant to say is I don’t think they deserved to be mocked, and it wasn’t that funny to me. I suppose I came off more severe than intended. For what it’s worth, I also don’t find the “glamour shots” all that funny either.

    Also, clearly the majority thought they were funny, so I’m not sure what provoked the response? Oh and by the way… other than the top middle picture I would consider yours “goofy-cute” as well. That one scares me a little!

  6. Jim says:

    I say fuck ’em. They put themselves out there – they deserve it.

    Others were thinking it, you just said it. Damn, we all need to lighten up.

  7. Joe says:

    There are no words. But there is a website! http://goodwambulance.ytmnd.com/

  8. Jack says:

    Wow, that’s quite a response.
    I never meant to say or dictate what you could on your site.
    But used the comment space for what it’s suppposed to do, comment on your post.
    Like I commented, I thought it was quite a cheap way of making fun of people.
    Not because they were gay, but because seemed to indicate there is only one way of portraying yourself on apps like grindr.
    If you don’t fit the mold, you deserve to be mocked.
    I think that’s just a very narrow minded way of looken at people.
    And that hasn’t got anything to do with wether they are gay or not.

  9. Mark, née Fuzz says:

    Someone needs to pull the wedgie out of his ass crack. Fuck political correctness.

    I’d go with the center, top row pic. It makes you look like the fucktard that makes a beeline for me every time I set foot in my gym.

    • Peter says:

      I agree!
      Fuck political correctness!
      Fuck them gays with their ‘alternative’ life styles.
      And fuck the thought ever giving them equal rights.
      If they’re not like us we got every right to keep them in their place.
      Right on Mark!

      • Mark, née Fuzz says:

        Dripping sarcasm and vitriol duly noted. As is the slippery slope from making fun of goofy pics to pinning pink triangles on breast pockets.

  10. anne marie in philly says:

    post away, honey! full tilt boogie!

    and thank the FSM none of those pix of you are out on that website; you are much more attractive than those shots indicate.

  11. Ben says:

    I have never wanted you more. So much, I actually considered becoming a Top so we can marry and you could have my babies. Okay seriously, I considered slipping 3 Viagra into your drink so that you would become a Top and I could have your babies. The great think about the web is that it’s “world WIDE.” If people don’t like your corner of it, move on.

  12. Rich says:

    Rock on, CB. If you don’t like the humor, don’t read the blog.

  13. Jake says:

    I say, this is your blog and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it. Personally, I love it and have great appreciation for your twisted sense of humor. For years, I have complained about shitty profile pics. I mean, it’s the first thing guys see and THAT’S what you want to show? Really?!

  14. Walt says:

    You made me laugh. That says it all.

  15. rg says:

    I’ve fallen in love with the doofus-fucktard pic upper row, middle. Post it on Grindr. Do it! Do it! Just to see what kind of response you get! LOL

    BTW – the beard is looking FIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

  16. Michael says:

    I say fuck em all to hell, and keep doing what you’re doing!

  17. Derek Chavez says:

    HA ha ha “Game on indeed!!” I’m so glad that you are honest. Many of Americans are pussification… It’s now about feelings and shit like that! Too bad. Keep it up mate!

  18. Glenn says:

    Fuck what people think of your blog and what you post and say. If they don’t like it, it’s not as if you are standing with a gun to their head making them click on your page. They do not have to visit your blog. Fuck ’em. “Political Correctness” has gotten WAY out of hand. Almost anything will offend someone. People have become too sensative and ready to sue anyone they can to get money for their pleasure. This is your blog, not theirs. Post what you want. If they want to see something, they need to make their own blog. Let them create the blog they think is correct. Personally, I LOOOOOVE the “L’il Bastards” comics. if someone doesn’t like them they can use any number of buttons to scan down and not see them. If someone is offended, then why did they take the time to read each of them? If I see/read something that I do not agree with (or like) I simply go elsewhere. Life is far too short to expect everything to be the way we personally want them to be. It in’t gonna happen no matter what we do.

  19. Mark in DE says:

    Its a blog, not the Washington Post. And its YOUR blog so write what you want.

  20. Doréus says:

    Any thoughts from readers on hilarious captions for your own pictures?

  21. brettcajun says:

    I commend you for this post. I TOO hate political correctness gone wrong. There is not a day that passes that I don’t see retarded Grindr pics. Keep posting them!

  22. Tommy says:

    LOL Pussification…love it. We can’t help if some people subscribe to PeopleofWalmart(duh)cum’s best dressed photo examples. I say FUCK EM! (not literally)

    and for the comment above about the watermelon…I laughed so hard, I think I pee’d a little!

    Cheers!

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