Kid Talkers

I really hate “kid talkers”.

You know who I mean. Those breeders that somehow manage to turn every conversation to “little Johnny did the cutest thing at soccer yesterday”.


Well, I’ve been stuck with one all goddamn week. And I have just about reached my threshold.

It’s the sales guy who got roped into this conference with me.

He’s a typical sales guy. Young. Handsome. Gregarious. Married. Racist.

The usual.

And every day we have a one hour commute (each way) between my hotel and the conference site.

Plenty of time to listen to sports talk radio and be regaled with stories about his sons.

Oddly enough it turns out he has three kids– two boys and one girl. But I didn’t even realize he had a daughter until it accidentally slipped out yesterday.

He obviously doesn’t care about her; it’s ALL about proud papa’s “sons”.

Before the brief mention of the girl, it was “Boy 1 did this at flag football. Boy 2 had a Halloween party at school and he went as a pirate”.

Blah blah fuckin’ blah.

I’m ready to stab my brain out. Seriously.

I honestly think I’m gonna snap if I hear about son 1’s ear infection or how son 2 loves to cuddle and draw one more goddamn time!


Why do these folks feel compelled to regale us with every insignificant detail of their brood’s doings?

And how do they not realize that we don’t give a flying fuck about any of it?

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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8 Responses to Kid Talkers

  1. Cubby says:

    “My spawn is better than your spawn.”

  2. A. Lewis says:

    Pirate?? You should have suggested “Butt Pirate.”

  3. Ben says:

    I think you’re being too sensitive and inhospitable. He wants to share and bond; so, share and bond. Example:
    Freaky Dad: “My son plays football.”
    CB: “I know, I blew his coach.”
    FD: “My son’s a pirate.”
    CB: “Really? I got gang banged at a Halloween party once.”

    Now isn’t that what tolerance is all about?!

  4. Jay says:

    The bigger question is an hour drive from your hotel to the conference? In Saginaw? You couldn’t find a hotel closer?

  5. anne marie in philly says:

    jesus fuck…you have my sympathy. I hate kids and people who can’t talk about anything else but their fucktrophies. where is a ball gag when you need one?

  6. gk says:

    I would spend your next commute to the conference talking about your furbaby and how each meow is magical…

  7. truthspew says:

    That’s ok. The Halloween is a BIG FUCKING DEAL for the company I’m working for right now.

    I’ll have pix and video on my blog soon. The decoration I can deal with. The kids everywhere. Bleh!

    My boss is a curmudgeonly type who hates kids too. I left at 3PM. I could only take an hour of it.

  8. rg says:

    Fortunately, since working at a law firm, I rarely ever see kids. Occasionally though, they do bring in the little snot-monsters for show and tell. But mostly, it’s grown-ups, such as they are. 😉

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