And when I say “Avatar(!)” I’m using jazz hands for emphasis.

So yes, Kyle and I saw Avatar(!) in 3-D(!) yesterday.  My one sentence review?

“It wasn’t quite as long as Ghandi, but the message was essentially the same.”

I’m not even going to post a *** spoiler alert*** warning, as I don’t think there is anything I can give away that would ruin the movie.  The movie unabashedly uses every storytelling cliche in the book.

Visually it was a pretty darn cool film.  Lots of color, lots to look at, lots to keep your eye amazed.  And the 3-D was used very well, although one or two times it was too “apparent” for me and it pulled my focus from the story.

Oh… and the story.  Hmmmm.

The way I put it to Kyle afterwards was “The only thing missing from that movie were Ewoks.”

I could have sworn the movie was written by George Lucas AND James Cameron… with brainstorm notes from Steven Spielberg concerning aliens.

It was epic battle of good vs evil, AND corporate greed vs the people, AND developers vs environmentalists, AND hi-tech war machine vs low-tech indigenous people, AND Military vs Scientists, AND cripples vs able bodies, AND well meaning scientists vs the mistrusting Na’vi.  AND AND AND.  Seriously, the only conflict not included were the Jets vs the Sharks.

Or gays vs straights.

The movie also had the cliche montages of “learning” and the whole ‘flying as a euphemism for lovemaking’ thing.

Yeah, the movie has a lot going on.

And honestly, I probably could have gotten past the whole “kitchen sink” aspect (because I do love the epic good vs evil battles) if it had only managed to grab me and touch my heart.

Instead, all it did was sort of touch me inappropriately like a molesting uncle.

I just never believed Jake Sully’s duplicitous nature (feeding the military intel while becoming Na’Vi).  I mean, WHY did he do it??  There’s no “angry cripple” or “cripple without a heart” aspect that makes you believe he could be so cold and calculating.  Therefore, I didn’t ever buy into his “transformation”, if there even was one as he never showed us there was much there to transform in the first place.

It really never felt like his character grew.  Like he was sorry for helping to bring down the Na’vi.  Like he regretted his past behavior.  Like he learned the true meaning of Christmas.

I also thought his relationship with the other scientists was just to “pat” and undeveloped.  Jake Sully went from total outsider to totally accepted faster than you can say “3-foot Loincloth”.

Plus I gotta say I absolutely hate the name for the rare element they are trying to mine:  unobtanium.  I’m usually all for puns, but this one is just… meh.

At least the visuals were stunning, and the villains were… appropriately villainy (if completely cliche).

All in all, you should still see it while it’s in the theaters.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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6 Responses to Avatar(!)

  1. Jeff says:

    I’m going to see it in 3d tonight. I’m fully prepared to be underwhelmed by the story and blown away by the visuals.

  2. Great review. You had the same reaction as most of my friends who’ve seen it. I really don’t think I will go. I don’t have much of an interest. I’ve heard from multiple people how it’s a gathering of every movie storyline.

  3. kyle says:

    and we never even got to see Sam worthington shirtless. 😦

  4. dirkmancuso says:

    I thought it was DANCES WITH WOLVES with Smurfs.

  5. Mark in DE says:

    I have absolutely no interest in this film. But that’s just me.

  6. kiki says:

    saw the 3d version today – LOVED IT!! I can’t imagine not seeing it in 3d!!!

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