16 Candles…

16 candles molly

Plus 24 more candles equals…?   Anyone?  Buehller??  Yes, lordy lordy look who turned 40!


For kind of a ‘big number’ birthday, it was a real non-event and basically forgotten/overlooked by nearly everyone.  So I think I’m going to use my little blog here to throw my very own pity party.

At least this way I actually get a party.

I mean, I really didn’t get jack shit yesterday.  I got two cards and a handful of “happy birthdays”.  That’s it.  Not even any freeloader e-cards.  After 14,610 days on this planet, it was treated basically the same as day 14,609.

For those that did remember and wished me a happy birthday, thank you so much!  The well-wishing truly did mean a lot to me, as I was anticipating that everyone was just going to space off my special day.

But if I’m being totally honest (and it’s my pity party so I get to be) I guess I was expecting more.

It’s not like I wanted a surprise birthday breakfast and a huge party with tons of friends, a pink Trans Am in the driveway with a ribbon around it, and a really hot guy like you meet in France and you do it on a cloud without getting pregnant or herpes.

I would even have gladly accepted the consolation prize of being felt up by a grandparent and having a weird chinese guy named after a duck’s dork call me “hot stuff”.

16 candles hotstuff

Having my 40th birthday not forgotten would also have been kinda nice.

Unfortunately my day started with everyone at work blowing it off.

Why should I care about work, you say?  Well, because I work in a family owned company who puts out monthly birthday lists, and birthday celebrants at the very least get a bagel breakfast (for you and all the office).  Heck, I even got bagels on my birthday SIX DAYS after I hired in!

And for bigger birthdays, they’ll even sneak in and decorate your cube with banners and shit.

I got nothing this year.  Not even a ‘happy birthday’.

And it’s not like they’ve stopped doing this shit.  We just had bagels last week for another birthday.  And earlier this year one of the accountants turned 40.  When she arrived, they had a skeleton sitting in her chair with a wig on it.


My mother, of course, remembered my birthday.  She sent me a nice present of chocolates and gift cards, and actually had flowers delivered to work for me.  Granted the chocolates were all broken and melted together when I got them, but it’s the thought that counts.

I must admit the flowers from mom were an unexpected bright spot in my day.  You see, I’d never received flowers before.  From anyone.  For anything.

Of course my father forgot my birthday entirely.  But to be fair, he’s dealing with the recent passing of my uncle, so it’s sort of understandable.  But, noone else in my family remembered either.


I chalk up some of my misery to the day of the week.

Having a birthday on a Wednesday really sucks as well.  You can’t really go out and get blottoed because you still have to slog through two more days.  And taking the day off and then having to come back in for the rest of the week would just make the sucking that much more vivid.

What did I want?  Well, I suppose I wanted friends to drag my lousy ass out for dinner or miniature golf or to Dave and Busters.  Something.  Sure they would have had to force me to go because I was having a fairly miserable day, but at least then I would have known people cared enough to try to make it somewhat memorable for me.

As it was, I had a bagel sandwich and watched HGTV until Kyle brought over some chocolate mousse and we played some Wii.

Sounds major, right?

*** update:  To be fair, Kyle DID try to get me out for dinner.  But I was very cranky, and didn’t make it very easy.  I wanted all that planned for me and to just be taken out.  Too bad he didn’t know that at the time***

I remember when each of my parents turned 40.  They not only got office parties, but they also had the traditional “over the hill” parties replete with funny gifts and tombstones, black streamers, black balloons and black cake.  All the cliche.

To be clear, I was definitely NOT expecting this level of fete.

But, as I said before, I was stupidly hoping for more than I got.

And honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.  I mean, I can count the number of friends I have here in Minnesota on one dick.  So it’s not like there was an abundance of folks willing to plan something on my behalf.

I suppose I could have foisted my birthday on the small group of acquaintances I have.  Done the whole “It’s three weeks until my birthday… it’s two weeks until my birthday… my birthday is next week… guess who turns 40 tomorrow” thing.  But that really isn’t my style.

I feel that if you have to constantly poke and prod people into remembering your birthday, then any sort of recognition on the day feels rather forced.  And therefore rather disingenuous.

Here’s what I really wanted for my birthday:

16 candles table

Yes, Jake Ryan would have been a nice birthday treat.  Or really even just a regular guy who thought enough of me to make me a cake and have me make a wish while we sat on a glass dining room table.

Although given my luck, the table would’ve shattered under the weight and I’d have ended up “end up ” in the emergency room with shards of glass in my backside.

So, I’m filing this birthday away in the “suck bin”– along with my other craptacular milestone birthdays, namely my 18th and 21st.

Awww, party’s over.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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33 Responses to 16 Candles…

  1. Dr. Russ says:

    I feel your pain. Yesterday was my birthday too. I turned 49. I had to go out and buy my own birthday cake. I posted on facebook that I was going to be at a certain saloon in NYC at 5:30 so people could stop by on their way to the theater (many of my friends are Broadway ushers) and nobody showed up.

    My boss did remember and gave me a nice birthday card. Lots of my friends on facebook wished me well only because facebook reminds them that it was my birthday.

    So—if you are ever in NYC, let me know. We will go have dinner, a movie, and celebrate our birthdays. To hell with everyone else.

  2. Sean says:

    DAMMIT! I did NOT know it was your birthday and i assure you, if I did I would have acknowledge it and if we lived even remotely near each other I would have offered to celebrate with you. Small comfort, I know, after the fact but I truly hate that your birthday, especially your 40th, was not the day it should of been, expectations or know. Wish I knew how I could make it better. Is it too late for you to come here/me to come there and let me shower you with attention and birthday treats? I mean, you’re only like 20 hours away and I DO have a 3 day weekend….sigh…happy belated birthday handsome. You deserve lots of attention…hugs.

  3. sean says:

    The bright spot for me yesterday was finding out that Chris Pine shared my birthday. Then today I read we do too. I turned 45, bought a new toaster with my birthday coupon from Ace Hardware and then had dinner at Outback sitting at the bar, by myself, reading the Mets game. No cake.

    So belated Happy Birthday! 40 was great, 45 no so much.

  4. Jeff says:

    Happy belated birthday. At least you are consistent with having crappy milestone birthdays. That’s sort of nice, isn’t it? Not really but I’m trying to find a silver lining for you.

  5. A Lewis says:

    god damn it, you know full well that I’d have taken you out for COCKtails and then dinner (or dinHIM) and then back for swatting your ass 40 times. Happy Belated!

  6. Kevin says:

    Well now the whole blogsphere knows, so get ready!

    I’m sending 41 virtual paddywhacks your way and the line starts right.behind.me.

  7. durban bud says:

    Happy 40th, Mister! Take comfort in knowing that you share your birthday with Macaulay Culkin (though he turned 29). Smooch!

  8. heat says:

    Sorry your b-day wasn’t as cracked up to what it should have been. On the lighter side, at least you didn’t have to put up with the whole “OMG 40 means you’re going to die someday!” black balloon, Depends for gifts, kind of thing. Unless you’re into the diaper thing…..

  9. anne marie in philly says:

    if you lived in philly, you would NOT have been ignored, that’s for damn sure! I would have seen to THAT! I know how it feels…I got ignored for my 50th.

    happy happy 40th (you don’t look a day over 35!) and many many more for ole mangina!

  10. mark says:

    CB. Sorry I didn’t wish you a Happy Birthday. Dont think I even have it on my Facebook calendar. I will add it. Sorry your birthday (and your 40th at that) was not so great. Atleast it doesn’t fall on the day after Christmas like mine!

  11. mark says:

    Happy belated Birthday, by the way!

  12. deadrobot says:

    I hate to say this but if you’ve hit 40 and had a sucky birthday, there’s a good chance that birthdays will suck for the rest of your life.

    Unless you have a “Wonderful Life” or “Christmas Carol” kind of epiphany of sorts and en-masse a ton of friends who hang on your every word.


    Do you really want to be reminded that you’re so much more closer to a dirt bath?

  13. Jim says:

    Happy Birthday!

    Wishing you all those wishes and some hot man to give you your birthday spankings!

    I hope all your blogger buddies write down your birthday for next year!!

  14. Mark in DE says:

    I had no idea it was your birthday! Your FB info doesn’t list it, either. Sorry to have missed your “big day”.

    Look on the bright side: maybe your friends are planning a big, 40th birthday blow-out for Fri or Sat night so you can really ‘celebrate’ without having to slog into work the next day.

    Happy 40th, cb!!

  15. Christopher says:

    Happy 40th Buddy…I truly wish we lived closer to each other, so that I could help you celebrate the occasion…in style!

    Hugs & Stuff!

  16. Tater says:

    Happy belated 40th! I had no idea. Pity parties kinda suck, you deserved much better for your 40th. I may be heading up your way next month to visit my sister, perhaps Gary and I can take you out for a belated birthday dinner?

  17. kiki says:

    happy belated sweetie!!! Remember way back when 30 was considered over the hill for gay men. Now with hotties like Anderson Cooper (42) the sky is the limit.

    I hope your weekend includes some tequila and some naked adult naughty time!!!


  18. RG says:

    Sorry I forgot your birthday. At least your boobies are full grown now!

    I didn’t get any b-day cards from my brothers and my parents are both dead. But, I did have a nice B-day dinner (Mexican) with the Evilganome.

    And, welcome to my world now baby!

  19. YvesPaul says:

    Happy Belated Birthday. I’m also the type that’s got too much pride to advertise my own birthday weeks in advance. Unfortunately, we’re the type that don’t get much attention, but happy birthday my friend. I’ll buy you a drink when you’re around Philly.

  20. I buy my employee’s a cake for their birthday, but that is out of my own pocket… our company doesn’t do anything for employee’s. Happy bday!

  21. Rick says:

    You big pussy CB. I expected more from a guy that, well comes across so sharp.
    How in the hell do people know it’s your birthday unless you are CONSTANTLY reminding them. Sure my mother and a few aunts always remembered and if I was in a relationship that person would but hell who else would know?
    Now buck up and go slime yourself for me:)
    Oh and Happy Belated!

  22. Sounds like most of my birthdays. 😦

  23. Happy belated, anyway.

  24. mrs_beaver_wipe says:

    “I can’t believe I gave my panties to a geek” – Happy Birthday CB. From me and “Molly”

  25. Hey there Pity Party Patty. Y’all need to be getting over yourself right now!

    Baby, I had to work at making my birthday happen – do you think that fifty of my most fabulous friends all bearing gifts and alcohol actually turned up for my first fortieth party without me telling them it was my birthday?

    And then do you think that the ‘surprise’ party that my Mom laid on the next day happened by accident. I worked hard to make sure that every living relative was in that room.

    And for the third party in September? Well, I guess that wouldn’t be happening either if I hadn’t pressed a dozen or so of my closest into crossing international borders and coming to Paris to celebrate the wonder of me.

    And now I feel bad because all that sounds like more fun than chocolate mousse and a whirl on the Wii. Oops.

    Anyway, I rang you and sang happy birthday in French. What more do you want?

    We’ll celebrate in Marrakech…. 😉

  26. rjjs8878 says:

    Happy Belated Birthday!

  27. Danger Ahead says:

    Happy belated birthday 🙂

  28. javabear says:

    I fuckin’ hate my birthday for a lot of the same reasons. I started hating it when I was in my teens. Welcome to the glass-half-empty life.

  29. Thom says:

    Such an old, old man!
    But even so, I send you
    Late birthday greetings.

  30. Rich says:

    CB…I tell no one it’s my birthyday except for one or two friends..and plan something with them…cause I don’t want a big thing. By comparison, my sister tells everyone…and somehow ended up with three family dinners and four separate parties by friends. Just saying..you can create your own reality with this one. Sorry this one fell short…happy bday, amigo.

  31. Jeff says:

    Happy Birthday.

  32. dirkmancuso says:

    Happy belated birthday!

    Looking forward to the pic accompanying the “I’m not getting older, I’m just getting better” post…

  33. trish says:

    This post makes a kick ass monologue

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