Allergic to Gayness

Boy are my allergies going nuts today! They started in earnest that night, and I think it was an allergic reaction to all “the gay”.

It was Pride weekend here, so I had loads of gay exposure. Too much, really.

By the end, as always, I was completely gayed out.

The weekend began with those two BBQ’s that I wrote about in the last post.

Then on Saturday I had two “dates” and another BBQ.

And yes, by “dates” I mean bouts of randy poopstabbing. Two different dates as well. One in the early afternoon, one in the evening.

I know– poor planning. But it was Pride weekend after all, and that’s just the way everything worked out.

Between shagfests, I replenished my energy at my third BBQ of the weekend. Great food, as always, plus a huge missed opportunity.

Let’s just say there was a cute guy at said BBQ who waited to say goodbye to me. But I failed to get his digits because I had an audience of five friends totally staring at us and eavesdropping like 3 feet away.

I should have just asked, but the whole scene was just too damn awkward.

And as it turns out, he was the guest of a guest, so nobody has any of his contact info.


Anyway… after the BBQ, it was time for Bachelor #2’s “date”. A very nice guy, who’s assets are quite…erm, sizeable.

We finished up a couple hours later, and then he suggested capping off the evening by going out.

To the Eagle.

Now the Eagle is about the last place I want to be on Pride. It is crazy busy and you can’t get a drink to save your life.

But after #2’s “administrations”, I sort of felt obligated to go.

The Eagle was everything I feared it to be. Oh, and I got kissed and hit on by an insanely drunk guy.

Good times.

I got home at 1 am, only because Bachelor #2 had an hour plus drive home ahead of him.

Thank the baby cheeses for small favours.

Then it was up early on Sunday for brunch with the fellahs. Or so I thought.

As far as I knew, the Sunday plan involved avoiding all things Pride by sitting on a rooftop deck, brunching and drinking for a couple hours.

Which we did.

As the Pride parade finished below us.

After which we went to the park with all the Pride booths and festivities and seething mass of gay folks and we walked around for a couple hours.

And then we walked to a gay bar to have more drinks and gayness.

Which was about two hours past my gay threshhold, I think.

It was while sitting in the final bar (wedged between happy couples) that I had my epiphany about Pride.

The whole Pride thing is really for three groups of people: New gays, oddballs, and couples.

For the new gays, I think it’s good. They get to see a ton of gayness in one place and feel “normal” for a change.

The “oddballs” get to use Pride as a safe haven to display their freak wares to the public.

And the couples get to walk around kissing, holding hands, pushing their adopted Chinese babies in strollers and generally rubbing all our collective noses in their coupley-ness.

The rest of us are Pride outsiders, relegated to the sidelines to watch it all- simultaneously horrified and fascinated.

With a fair bit of jealousy tossed in the mix.

Yet as horricinating as it all is, we outsiders are also desperately trying to avoid being raped in the face by gayness at every turn.

Sign this gay marriage petition! Join HRC or die!! Look at our his-and-his matching dachsund puppies!! Can I spank you with my glitter wand? Lesbians with a stroller– comin’ through!!

No wonder my nose is running and my eyes are itchy today.

P.S. In two weeks time, I’m invited to another BBQ– at Date #1 and his partners house.

Oy vey.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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10 Responses to Allergic to Gayness

  1. A Lewis says:

    Allergies are in full swing around here too..just went and took my fexofenadine! And, how in the world can you have too much gay?

  2. I fit into none of those categories, but I still enjoy Pride. How is that? Maybe I need to adopt a Chinese baby? You wanna go halfs?

  3. Alex says:

    “Can I spank you with my glitter wand?” I nearly spit out my Froot Loops! Agreed.

  4. Tony says:

    I kinda know what you mean. I do fine until I hit overload. It’s sorta like the county fair, once I’ve had my cotton candy and had a ride on the ferris wheel, I’m ready to go home. However, usually I am with people who want to go on ALL the rides, as it were. By the end I feel like pulling my non-existent hair out.

    Still, I also have to say that as much as the parade has been co-opted by the stroller crowd and all, it still is a good reminder of how far we’ve come in 40 years even if it seems we have so far to go.

  5. RG says:

    What makes you think you’re not in the “Oddball” group?

  6. The Mutant says:

    Randy poopstabbing you say? Sign me up.

    How come gay pride festivities in other places sound so much cooler than Melbourne’s dismal attempts, although the three groups thing sounds universal.

  7. Ben says:

    I did my first pride this year… meh.

    Too many female gays at the Brisbane version. Not enough half naked twinks ready to accidentally fall into me.

  8. Mark in DE says:

    Date #1 has a partner???

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