Tramsformers 2…

… Electric Bugaloo.

Well, I saw the new Transformers movie last night. In IMAX no less.

My one sentence review?

Meh.

(And now to expand on that review with only one teeny spoiler which I will warn you about ahead of time)

It was ok. 2 or maybe 2.5 stars out of 5. It’s very bombastic and loud. Both visually and aurally.

The movie sort of screams at your eyes for like 3 hours.

There is lots of robot-on-robot violence which is difficult to follow, mainly because of the sheer scale of it all.

The CGI is good. Really good.

But the plot and the writing? Bad. Really bad.

When it comes to sequels, I subscribe to the “Misery” principle. You can’t just wildly invent crap that wasn’t in the story before and be all stupidcrazy with it and expect it to fly.

“Misery was buried in the ground at the end, Paul, so you’ll just have to start there.”

I’m also a fan of the KISS principle. Keep it simple, stupid.

Without going into details, the plot of this movie simply has too much random shit in it.

And when you think they’re done adding shit, they throw in MORE shit.

It’s a bit ridiculous really.

And then there’s the plot holes and discontinuities.

****SPOILER ALERT****

At one point Shia and company need to reanimate a robot to help them read this old robot language. They find the robot–

— at the air and space museum in DC. He’s the old SR-71 spy plane.

Well, after magically reanimating him, he goes on a wee rampage and exits the building–

— and starts tearing up that old airplane graveyard in the desert.

In California or Nevada somewhere.

How the FUCK did everything go from the Air and Space museum in DC to fucking NEVADA by exiting a building?

Or are we simply supposed to think there have always been mountains and a desert in the nations Capitol?

****SPOILER COMPLETE****

And this was just one of MANY plot points that bothered me and completely disrupted my suspension of disbelief.

Then there were the racist Jar Jar bots. Seriously. Michael Bay should have hired at least ONE black person to vet this shit.

Lastly there was Megan Fox. She goes through hell and STILL somehow maintains perfectly glossed and colored lips.

Which she uses on Shia. Why???

That just took more suspension of disbelief than I was capable of.

My recommendations? See it, but at a matinee. And I’m not sure the IMAX cost was worth it.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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10 Responses to Tramsformers 2…

  1. I do like that I no longer need to see crappy films – you just go see them all for me.

  2. DrRuss says:

    I saw the movies yesterday as well and will be posting my review a little bit later. Honestly, I didn’t mind the movie at all. I hadn’t seen the first one.

    Granted, it is all a little farfetched but considering that these are machines that turn themselves into metal warriors, I kind of expected that.

    Also, keep in mind the audience that this is intended for. We are not the intended audience–if we were, Megan Fox would not be wearing daisy dukes and stradling a motorcycle while cooing into a cellphone.

    As for the racism charge, I didn’t get that vibe. Just because the voice actors use accents to convey inanimate objects doesn’t connote racism to me. For me, the characters were typical twins trying to outdo each other be be robotic wanna-bes.

    The one character that did make me groan was the butcher needing teeth–maybe that was borderline racism.

    Just my take. I will probably give the movie a little bit higher rating than you because it really moved along fast, kept my attention and really didn’t look at my watch to see how much longer I was going to be in the theater.

  3. Chris says:

    just as I figured. I thought…what was his stupid ass ’eminem low life thug’ name…. Jazz… was enough of a stereotype annoyance in the first movie. “Dis looks like a good place to kick it” If that’s how aliens talk, keep them in space.
    To imagine the Jar Jar Binks ones this time only makes me sad. I wanted to see this movie, but now… I may have to pass

  4. Blobby says:

    There is a movie I have no interest in. And Shia LaDouche? Please.

    And what little I’ve read or seen of Megan Fox – she seems like a bitch for someone who has done next to nothing in life.

    I’ll skip it. I’m sure that Eddie Murphy movie is better {shudder!}

  5. Poser says:

    My friend who loves Shia and knows the first film word for word freakin loved this one.

    Mental I tell you.

  6. deadrobot says:

    Thankfully SharkBoy gets motion sick at large scale out of control CGI. Even though it has giant robots fighting, I can’t ignore it’s 20% rating on RottenTomatoes – most of the reviewers say you can’t differentiate between which robot was good or bad during the fighting. We’ll be watching this at home when it comes out on the movie network.

  7. Mark in DE says:

    Thanks for the review. I’ll add it to my Netflix queue rather than pay $9.50 to see it in the theatre.

  8. dirkmancuso says:

    2 Reasons I Shall not be seeing TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN:

    I fell asleep during the shit-fest that was the first one.

    I hate Shia LeBouf.

  9. I went for the robots. I knew the plot would suck. I just didn’t think it would suck as hard as it did–like a straight guy sucking dick for the first time hard.

    And I am glad I’m not the only one who noticed the whole airplane graveyard transition weirdness. Damned continuity. And the Megatron in space deal.

    Like I said, I went for the robots.

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