“Gay” is the Old “Black”

Gay is EVERYWHERE these days!

It’s in positively all the magazines and turning up on all the runways.

Gay rights this. Gay marriage that. Gay characters in tv and movies. People cliché-ing “I’m not homophobic; some of my best friends are gay.”

Christ! You can’t swing a dead, gay cat without hitting something homo!

I’m afraid it’s getting to be a bit much.

In fact, I think the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way now, and gays are going to feel some backlash.

“Red” is coming back, baby.

The first victim? That poor, pudgy, gay American Idol boy.

Poor Adam. He was simply too gay to represent America as an “Idol”. Homosexual idols simply have no place in the entertainment industry.

Maybe in England they do, but not in America, bub.

Let’s face it. There was no way Adam was going to win– not when there was a perfectly decent, straight, Southern, Christian boy to vote for.

The show isn’t on Bravo, you know.

Remember, the people that vote for Idol contestants are the same folks that think NASCAR is a sport.

The voting demographic also includes preteen girls with who text Idol more times than they have pubic hair.

Also voting are schlumpy, lonely, disenfranchised housewives.

Remember Clay “Gai”ken? Sure, he lost to a fat, black, sweat factory with zero career potential. But he had legions of “claymates”– 40 year old women who believed him when he said he wasn’t gay…

…And then dropped him like a hot gay potato when the story broke about him barebacking some marine in a north Carolina motel.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool… fool me a second time, and um… ummm… Won’t get fooled again!

Adam didn’t stand a chance.

But look on the bright side. Now he has the freedom to become the sexually ambiguous, lead screamer of a glam-goth-punk band called “Dead Puppies”.

And I hear glam-goth-punk is the new “gay”.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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11 Responses to “Gay” is the Old “Black”

  1. Joe says:

    I’ll drink to that.

    You forgot the part about how annoying Adam’s obnoxious, screeching voice is when he wraps that tiny rubber band around his nuts to help him hit those high notes.

  2. Ben says:

    You may have a point. Hang out with me for 5 minutes (2 minutes in dark room) and you’ll see how gay I am but I wasn’t going to vote for him just to support a fellow ‘mo. I can’t stand Adam. His screeching made my nuts vibrate (and not in that good way) Of course, I didn’t vote for the other one either, but give me 1 minute anywhere and I’ll have him singing for me. That boy was HAWWWT

  3. A Lewis says:

    Quite frankly, I’d like to get ahold of that good little southern Christian boy…..

  4. deadrobot says:

    I’ve been silent too long.

    I like Adam.

    First, let me say I haven’t watched a full episode of American Idol in years, thanks to PVR and sheer apathy-I avoid the mid season and watch the first four/last 3 shows of the season. I’m not a fan at all. But with that said…

    His “screeching” has control and embodies a retro-style glam rock that I find fun and refreshing, as opposed to the vocal sliding “soul” singers AI seems to dig up every year. You know the types: sing the note, slide the scale up and down until they compare you to Fantasia. Boring.

    Adam was never boring.

  5. The Mutant says:

    There is no American Idol in Australia, although we get subjected to Kelly Clarkson on six-monthly rotation, so I’m sure that counts. We have our own woeful Australian Idol, it makes me want to hurt small children… Anyway there is a point to my endless waffling and it is this:

    Just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I have to support someone else because he too is gay. That’s like saying that just because I’m fat, old and can’t get laid I have to like Susan Boyle. Not a chance, gay boys on reality TV distract other gay boys from paying attention to the most important gay boy. ME!

    I’ll put smoking hot women and straight, Southern, christian boys ahead of a poofta who can squeeze out a tune anyday.

    Oh, and just to you know, NASCAR is so a sport. Have you ever tried to turn left? It’s not fucking easy – those men have a gift, and an IQ of at least seven. They. Are. Gods!

  6. Ben says:

    Mutant… you obviously don’t have pay TV. My gay house had a whole fucking dinner party around The US Idol Finale… I wanted to kill myself.

    I would def do Kris over Adam… make up on men just doesn’t do anything for me.

  7. Mark in DE says:

    So true. White, southern, Christian always trumps gay, unapologetic gay.

  8. Tony says:

    I’m still not sure why I am suppose to care, but I think that what I’ve read in the media is correct. Adam Lambert will probably have a career after this. Though I’m not sure in some band. I think it will just mean that he finally gets cast in a Broadway show, which is what I think the kid was really aiming for in the first place.

  9. dirkmancuso says:

    Kris is definitely the hotter of the two, but Adam is the better singer.

  10. RG says:

    Who cares? It’s American Fucking Idol – the pizza rolls of TV entertainment. Please.

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