The Fear

I have this fear that I’m going to die one of those New York deaths where nobody notices I’m missing until the smell drifts into the apartment building hallway.

Why am I bringing this up?

Yesterday, a coworker of mine was found lile this.

He isn’t dead– yet. But he is on the hospital in critical condition. Prognosis: not excellent.

He’s an older guy, palsied, who has been with the company for over 30 years. He worked in our quality lab.

This guy is Mr. Dependable. Always here. Always on time. A very conscientious worker.

Well, on Monday he fails to show up to work. And he hasn’t called in.

Soon the police were dispatched to his place where they found him on the floor, unconscious. Maybe from a seisure or a stroke. Or a massive heart attack. Nobody knows.

And nobody knows exactly how long he’d been that way. He could have been lying there incapacitated all weekend.

I feel so sorry for him and I really want him to recover. He’s a nice guy and I worked with him nearly every day.

But right now I also hate him just a little bit.

I hate him for reminding me that this kind of thing can and does happen.

And also for reminding me that I’m all alone too, and will probably suffer the same ignoble fate at some point.

How frightening it must have been for him! To be so helpless and alone.

I’m so very sad and afraid for him today.

And for me.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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12 Responses to The Fear

  1. Kevin says:

    teach that cat to dial 9-1-1.

  2. sean says:

    That’s very sad and could happen to any of us at any time or age. Just make sure you post every day and then we’ll know you’re okay. šŸ™‚

  3. A Lewis says:

    I’ve often wondered about people who have next to no friends or family in their lives….nobody checks on them, phones them, visits, cares. Especially as we age. It’s essential to create a circle of caring folks around us. I have a feeling that you do that well.

  4. AjohnP says:

    I have a feeling that if you have this many people who monitor your online life, that you MUST have even more who are keeping an eye on your ‘real’ life.
    You’ve probably got nothing to worry about. šŸ™‚

  5. Gooster says:

    If it has to happen that way, I hope it happens while I am off hiking in the woods somewhere. I would rather return to nature than expire on some lonely floor.

  6. Chris says:

    joke response / serious response

    Joke:
    Does a guy follow you around with a trombone and red plunger and do the “WAAA waaaaaaaaah” after everything you say? GEEZ Debbie Downer?? could your glass be any more half empty??

    Serious:
    I agree wholeheartedly. One of my fears is dying alone. sometimes the very real fear of it grips me, but then sometimes I worry over the dumb crap (how would my sister get in the apartment or even know where it is since she’s in SC. What would she think of if she found my collection of ______ *fill in the blank*, etc)

    Get you one of those “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” badges… you’ll be fine šŸ™‚

  7. Deadrobot says:

    Take heart in knowing your cat will eat your eyes after a few days of no kibble.

  8. The Mutant says:

    That’s am easy problem to solve, get yourself a live-in house boy. Not only will he provide you hours of entertainment, but should you hit the deck without warning he can administer mouth-to-mouth and call an ambo for you.

    I think you’re simply to panicky to think clearly.

    Err, actually, Joke responses are a laugh, but not really in good taste are they? I hope your co-worker makes a full and speedy recovery. I also hope that none of us find ourselves in the situation where we are incapacitated and can’t get assistance.

    I had a minor nudge at it one, I spent hours with insanely low blood-sugar (joys of being a diabetic) crawling along my bedroom floor. I couldn’t stand to reach the phone, I couldn’t call out as my voice failed to work, I kept blacking out and having fits. It is positively frightening, I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

  9. Ben says:

    I have the same fear. Lying in the hospital bed yesterday morning made me realise how alone i really am.

    But then I called friends when I got home and had a stream of visitors to make me realise that it’s not really that bad.

  10. Leave it to D.R. to find the positive. Hee hee.

  11. dorellostreet says:

    So sorry to hear that buddy, but if you die and no one finds you for a while you won’t know because you will be ‘potato bread’ ( more cockney for ‘dead’ ) .Its a horrible thought though!

  12. Tater says:

    Born alone, die alone. Just what it is, so why sweat it? You are going to Paris! Live in the moment and enjoy your fucking life. And to echo DeadRobot, who I think is extremely funny:

    “Take heart in knowing your cat will eat your eyes after a few days of no kibble.”

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