What is it with the prevalence of bad, gay erotic fiction?
And I mean REALLY bad. No romance. No subtlety. It’s all cock, balls, ass humping and jizz dumping. And yes, I suppose that type of Penthouse Letters style has it’s place. But does EVERY collection of erotic short stories have to induce eye-rolling?
I suppose I could deal with it better if there was some flair involved, but the stories tend to be really pedestrian… AND horribly written to boot. Or should I say “to booty”. Uggh.
Example: To try my Kindle app on my iPhone, I downloaded this “erotic tales of superheroes” book. It’s a bunch of short stories about fictional heroes and villains getting it on.
Man is it tragic. So tragic that I didn’t want to take the time to come up with a good passage illustrating exactly how tragic it is.
So tragic, in fact, that it has inspired me to write my OWN very bad (albeit abbreviated) version of a gay superhero erotic fiction story:
FROM high above the city streets, Megaman easily spotted his prey. Doctor Plunder had just pulled off an ill-advised bank heist, and was fleeing the scene. And not fleeing very secretly or very well.
“This is gonna be easy,” thought Megaman. “I’ll bag this bastard, and still have time to fire off some knuckle children before bed.”
Megaman followed silently from above until he saw Doctor Plunder dart down a dark, deserted alley. In a flash, he swooped in with the speed of a Peregrine falcon and alighted on the pavement directly behind a startled Doctor Plunder.
“Going somewhere?” said Megaman in his practiced, smug, singsong voice.
“Curse you, Megaman!” growled Doctor Plunder as he spun about. “Always prancing in to thwart my evil plans.”
“I don’t ‘prance’ anywhere, Doctor Blunder.” Megaman retorted. “But I can understand why you’re pissy. It must be rough for you in the League of Villains, always having your ass handed to you… by me.”
“You WISH you could handle my ass, Mega fag!” shouted Doctor Plunder. “Too bad your pussy paws will never get in these drawers!”
“Hey, you wanna hear a joke, Doctor Wonder-if-I’m-a-Bottom? What has two thumbs, winks and is gonna kick your ass? THIS guy!”
Doctor Plunder dropped his bags of loot by the dumpster and assumed his practiced ninja dragon stance. Megaman doffed his cape and cracked his knuckles menacingly. The alley grew quiet as if before a great storm.
Suddenly and with lightning speed, Megaman was on the attack. Doctor Plunder warded off blow after blow, while managing to land a few of his own. The battle royale sent the two adversaries crashing all around the alley– flying into dumpsters and brick walls, crashing into the piles of human detritus littering the narrow passage.
The fight raged for several, intense minutes. Doctor Plunder found himself bruised and more than a bit bloody, and Megaman’s aerodynamic tights were in tatters. At one point, Megaman had Doctor Plunder from behind in a crushing bearhug.
“I think… you get off… on fighing me,” gasped Doctor Plunder.
“I most certainly do NOT! You are a sick and evil man and need to be punished,” growled Megaman, although his grip loosened a bit.
“No, you DO get off on it– I can FEEL it!” crowed Doctor Plunder. “And judging by what I’m feeling, perhaps your name should have been MINIman!”
Megaman roared and tossed Doctor Plunder thirty feet down the alley, where he rolled and skidded to a halt. Doctor Plunder lifted his head and laughed his patented evil cackle.
“Actions speak louder than words, Megasissy!”
“Doctor Plunder, this time you’ve finally gone too far,” said Megaman with quiet rage. “This ends here and now. Your ass is MINE!”
Megaman lunged toward the prostrate Doctor Plunger, when suddenly he was engulfed in a pulsing red cone of light. Inside the beam, Megaman faltered and swayed back and forth like a drunken sailor.
“Wh-wh-what diabolical device is this?” Megaman stammered as he sank to his knees.
Doctor Plunder’s laughter increased as he slowly stood up and made his way to where Megaman was kneeling helplessly.
“Oh, it’s just a little something I created with you in mind. I call it the “MegaRay” Catchy, no? LaserTeen helped me assemble it. Together we harnessed the exact wavelength of red light that turns you from a mega stud into a mega wimp. Of course, to me it just feels like a heat lamp.”
“Did you really think the bank heist was my only desire?” continued Doctor Plunder in his triumphant monologuing. “You fool! It was merely a ruse to lure you into this deserted alley and into my trap! You are now powerless against me! And I can do ANYTHING to you and nobody is around to hear or see.”
“Plunder, I swear if you touch me… when I get out of here I will kick… your sorry ass into the SUN!” Megaman wheezed.
“Oh, I’m afraid the ass is on the other foot now, my friend.” crowed Doctor Plunder. “Or should I say, soon to be ON it.”
As Doctor Plunder approached the helpless Megaman he began to strip off his villainwear. Soon he was standing before Megaman with 12 inches of erect glory proudly on display. Megaman’s eyes got very wide.
“Wh-wh-what are you doing? I’m not gay! I don’t do this stuff!” whimpered Megaman.
“You sure have a pretty megamouth…” And with that Doctor Plunder stepped into the red light and introduced Megaman’s head to meet his evil member.
Megaman struggled valiantly for a few moments, but he was simply too weakened by the MegaRay. He also found himself deeply aroused by the prodigious prong bobbing tantalizingly in front of his already watering mouth.
Doctor Plunder slowly forced open Megaman’s jaw and slid his cock inside. Megaman’s mouth was like a wet inferno and Doctor Plunder’s dick throbbed and stiffened further. Megaman, as weak as a kitten, couldn’t even bite down. So he merely opened wide and let Doctor Plunder have his way.
As evil as Doctor Plunder was, he didn’t want to be too rough or too violent with Megaman… yet. Deep in his twisted soul, he was hoping that he could make Megaman actually enjoy being sexually used and abused. Gently he thrust his massive meat into Megaman’s gaping maw. Occasionally the Doctor would push a little too deeply and Megaman would gag and choke a bit.
This delighted Doctor Plunder’s villainous nature.
Megaman found strong feelings at war inside him. He was angry and disgusted at being facefucked by this foul villain. And yet, he was completely aroused by the feeling of not being dominant and in control for once. His own Megaprick had become rock hard and shredded the last vestiges of his aerotights. Soon, his desire won out, and he began bobbing in time to meet Doctor Plunder’s thrusts. He also brought his hand up to work the massive shaft that was mining his mouth while simultaneously cupping the villain’s pendulous nads.
Doctor Plunder noticed the change in Megaman immediately. “Excellent,” he thought to himself as he increased his tempo.
Megaman was really getting into the cocksucking now, his inhibitions gone. He was deepthroating the Doc’s engorged manflesh with ease now, nose to pubes in one hungry gulp. Doctor Plunder could feel the orgasm just starting to build deep in his core, but he wasn’t ready to unload. Not yet. Not here.
“See? I knew you were really a MegaCocksucker at heart,” grunted Doctor Plunder as he pulled his turgid tonsilwrecker from Megaman’s mouthy ministrations. “But now it’s time to show you why I’m called Doctor Plunder– cause I’m going to plunder the hell out of your pucker!”
Doctor Plunder flipped the helpless Megaman around until he was perched prettily on all fours. With a mere flick of his evil fingers, the remaining fabric covering Megaman’s ass was gone. Twin mounds of massive, masculine musculature greeted the Doc. Megaman was wimpering a little bit now, as he knew what was about to come.
“Doc, please! I’m begging you! Don’t do this…” Megaman pleaded. But his actions belied his words, as his quickened breath and his drooling, steel-hard dong once again did all the real talking.
“Oh, this is gonna happen Megabottom— and trust me when I say that this is gonna hurt YOU way more than it’s gonna hurt me.”
Megaman let out a soft moan of acquiescence as he lowered his chest toward the pavement. Doctor Plunder roughly shoved Megaman’s legs further apart, and then spit a generous gob of saliva onto Megaman’s quivering fuckpucker. With another couple gobs of spit, he lubed up his footlong schlong.
The Doc bent over Megaman’s broad muscled back and brought his lips to his ear. “Prepare to be plundered,” the Doctor whispered as he placed the throbbing helmet of his dick against Megaman’s terrified sphincter.
“Please….” Megaman whispered back.
And that was all it took. In one swift motion, Doctor Plunder plunged his massive meat deep into Megaman’s manpussy.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” yelled Megaman, as he felt his ass being decimated by the Doctor’s weapon of ass destruction.
“That was just the first thrust, Megaman. You have a lot more… cumming!” Doctor Plunder said while he chuckled at his own quip. Slowly he withdrew his python prick until only the head remained inside Megaman… and then he thrust it in again to the hilt.
“Ugggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!” grunted Megaman, under the ferocity of the penetration.
Megaman was panting and sweating profusely under the strain of taking such a monster fucktool in his virginal hole. He was desperately trying to relax, but his insides were screaming in pain and his asshole felt like it was on fire. But Doctor Plunder was showing no signs of slowing his… assault.
The Doctor was setting up a slow and steady rhythm of deep ass plundering. In and out he worked his tool, like a greedy, sexual piston. And the primal rhythm was slowly being taken up by Megaman as well.
As much pain as he was in at the start, Megaman found the pain giving way to pleasure. Greater and greater pleasure– more than he’d ever experienced before. His whole body was beginning to hum while incandescent waves of pleasure radiated through him with each thrust.
Megaman soon became a machine, too. A crazed, hungry, insatiable sex machine that could not be satisfied. He started backing himself up into Doctor Plunder’s thrusts in order to take as much of that giant cock as heroically possible. He also started urging the tempo of the fucking forward with his ass.
Doctor Plunder obliged Megaman’s insistent ass and started to pound his hot hole without mercy.
“Oh Fuck! Oh Fuck! Fuck Me! Man! FUCK ME! HARD! HARDER! HARDER!” Megaman cried, each exclamation punctuated by the Doc’s enormous cock. Megaman reached down and started flogging his own rock hard fuckstick in time with the furious fuckfest.
The humping was reaching a fever pitch as the notorious villain started punchfucking Megaman’s colon with his cuntwrecker of a cock. Doctor Plunder was slamming ass with all his might while Megaman shouted for more. Soon the Doc felt his orgasm boiling in his balls.
“I’m CLOSE!” he shouted above Megaman’s ecstatic cries. “Here it c-c-c-cums, Megadumpster!”
“Fuck yes! DO IT!” Megaman shouted back.
With one final, impossibly deep thrust, Doctor Plunder unleashed his molten man-magma deep into Megaman’s manhole.
“AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHGGHHH!” Doctor Plunger screamed as he shot volley after scalding hot volley of villain spunk deep inside his arch nemesis.
“HOLY FUCK I’M CUMMING TOO! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” shouted Megaman. His jism spurts painted the alley wall 10 feet away, while Doctor Plunder’s pole finished puking inside Megaman’s flexing butthole.
When they both had spent the last bit of their semen, they collapsed in a sweaty heap.
Megaman’s assring was still tightly clenched around the Doctor’s organ several minutes later, like it was loath to give up its prize. But with a long, slow ‘schlorppp-aaaa’ sound, the Doc’s massive member eventually slid free of the superhero. Doctor Plunder stood up and began to get dressed.
Megaman rolled over and looked at his nemesis with sad eyes. “Why, Doc? Why did you take advantage of me like that? I was pure of heart. I stood for truth and justice and… and GOODNESS gosh darn it. And now you’ve ruined me.”
Doctor Plunder looked at Megaman with pity. “I took advantage of you because you needed it. Hell, you WANTED it. You know you did– the evidence is all over that wall!” They both looked over at Megaman’s Jackson Pollock-like cum spatters.
Megaman stood up. “How can you say I wanted it?? HOW?”
The Doctor smiled. “Because I turned off the ‘MegaRay’ 15 minutes ago while we were fucking.”
Megaman’s jaw dropped as he looked numbly at the villain that stood before him.
Doctor Plunder walked casually back to his bank loot, leaving a naked, humiliated, dumbfounded (and yet sated) Megaman standing in his wake.
“And I didn’t ruin you,” Doctor Plunder said over his shoulder. “You are still pure of heart and mostly good. I just… planted a little seed of evil, that’s all.”
And while fading away into the night, the evil Doctor Plunder unleashed his patented villain’s cackle one last time. For he knew he had finally secured his place in the annals of the League of Villains.