Fat Girls in Velour

The fabric of our lives!

Before I get to all the veloury goodness though, first a couple bits about this weekend:

  • It totally “fluffy rained” on Sunday here.  It is FAR too early for that kind of crap.  It ain’t even hallowe’en yet!
  • I made chili on Sunday, and after reading someone’s blog (I don’t remember which one) I borrowed the trick of using a handful of semi-sweet chocolate chips in it.  The chili turned out AWESOME btw!
  • Kyle and I went to the upper midwest High School Band regional marching band championships at the Metrodome this weekend.

Poor Kyle.  Sitting through several hours of High School marching bands was very trying for him.  Every time I looked over at him I could just tell he was absolutely miserable.  Hell, for the first couple of bands, I was miserable!

I mean, the 10th place band did a show called “Defying Gravity”– where they supposedly explored gravity and breaking its bonds.  When in reality they just did a show exploring the music from “Wicked”.  And they didn’t even do that very well.

Kyle has now threatened to make me sit through “Under the Cherry Moon” and “Grafitti Bridge” (back to back) as punishment.

We did have some favorite bands.  A smaller (but really good one) did a film noir jazz show– it had a detective theme to it, and an absolutely KILLER female trumpet player soloist!  We also liked the Eden Prairie show (they did Rocky Point Holiday and other selections— very hard with great marching).

Our other favorite pasttime was spotting the chunky flag girls and snickering.

When they marched on field I would whisper to Kyle, “Chubby Check!”  And if we saw any I would snap a quick picture.  Sorry the pics are so blurry, but there were so many band parents in the crowd I had to be cagey about it all.

The theme of the night was also apparently “Velour”.  I have honestly not seen this much velour since my junior high Home Ec classes back in the early 80’s! 

I love my costume this much!  Whatever band parent or design coordinator that came up with this colorscheme and swatch placement should be shot.  It’s like a bad episode of “What Not To Wear”.

More velour?  Was there a fire sale at JoAnn’s Fabrics??  And evidently the designs were all about asymmetry– or is that ASSymmetry?  By the way… love the shoes, hope you win.

We also had fun trying to spot the gay boys in colorguard.  There were only two all night (surprisingly) and both were in this band.  This one tried to hide– GOTCHA!  And yes, that IS velour.

Finally, perhaps my favorite of the night.  And absolutely no vel…. hold on.  The pants.  Holy CHRIST!  Paired with stretch-sequined babydoll tops???  And these are drum majors!!  Best of all, the shorter drum major in the middle was stationed backfield, farthest from the crowd for the entire show.

Yes, even high school marching band is cruel.

The only time Kyle laughed the entire 4 hours was during one show called “Things that Go Pop”- the gigantic jack in the box prop on the field started spewing bubbles and I turned to him and in my best mimic voice I said, “Her name Bubbles”.  From the trailer for “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”.  It was during a quiet moment so the line was more effective.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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13 Responses to Fat Girls in Velour

  1. Chris says:

    you’re mean… the parents who designed that shit are meaner…. but what the heck…

  2. heat says:

    My sister got kicked off the “flagettes” cause she was to hefty for the uniform. It was fucking awesome!

  3. deadrobot says:

    That chocolate chili would be me. Expect a call from my lawyers. Seriously, realsimple.com is the best.

    As for those poor velour covered children, I thank god that I never had to wear anything so embarrassing when I did gay colourgaurd.

  4. brettcajun says:

    Honey, look in the mirror… you are no “brettcajun”. You are a fat girl too! This laughing and taking pics of fat girls is really your inner agnst against your own swine tendencies.

  5. Chris says:

    throwing stones in that glass house there brett? I give you the benefit of the doubt and realize the snark value…. but… ease up hoss

  6. madhouse6 says:

    eh – brett cajun. lame.

    the night wasn’t that bad… but there will be prince movie viewings. trust me.

  7. Kezza says:

    I suddenly realise that all my life I’ve been deprived of velour!

    Why the hell is there nothing like this over here? I wanna go poke fun at the velour clad unfortunates, with a background of marching band music. Somehow it’s just not that same when you do it at the mall.

  8. Rookie says:

    At LSU girls got kicked out for gaining weight all the time

  9. Ray Ray says:

    You owe Kyle…BIG TIME.

  10. RG says:

    Kyle: you should make CB watch Xanadu.

    Brettcajun: Be nice now, or no one will put you on their shoulders so you can see the Mardi Gras parade.

  11. Chris says:

    GO RG! That’s funny on both counts!

    Yeah, watch Xanadu… that will have CB rolling in pain…. in orange body suits blended with zoot suits

    Forget about the blues tonight
    Lover I won’t take a back seat,
    Sweet
    Tonight
    Thing

  12. Mark in DE says:

    Could they have made those costumes uglier if they’d tried? I doubt it. What a friend you have in Kyle!

    Mark 🙂

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