Fat Princess

Some game designer for Sony Playstation has announced their new “Fat Princess” game.  The name of the game and the fact that it involves a princess too hefty to move has feminists everywhere up in arms.  To which I say “Bah.  Get a life.”

Here are a couple screen shots:

I gotta admit, the fat princess made me giggle.  And the battlefield carnage looks delicious!

However, the game description is as follows:

Frantic and fun, Fat Princess pits two hordes of players against each other in comic medieval battle royale. Your goal is to rescue your beloved princess from the enemy dungeon. There’s a catch though: your adversary has been stuffing her with food to fatten her up and it’s going to take most of your army working together to carry her back across the battlefield.

You can switch between five different character classes literally at the drop of a hat: the fearless Warrior, the steadfast Archer, the mystical Mage, the tireless Worker, and the deadly Priest. In order to triumph, players must combine their skills and work together. The name of the game is cooperation, whether it’s helping another player drag a log back to your castle, manning a battering ram to smash through the enemy’s front gate, or building a human pyramid to scramble over the walls.

Boring and derivative.

Once I read the description, I was no longer interested.  Who wants to play a rescue/teamwork game that might as well be called “Capture the Fatty”?

When I first read about it, I thought that the objective was to be the villain, capture a princess and do the fattening.  Perhaps you would have to do tasks or battles to win more food to stuff her with.  And also defend the castle against her would-be rescuers.

OH!  And maybe you would have to run to surrounding homes to raid their refridgerators and make it back successfully with the foodty.  Extra fat points could be earned by going for sausages and cake versus salads and fruit. 

In my mind’s eye, I was deliriously envisioning a version for Wii where you could use the motion controllers to shove food in her mouth and slap her with a cake-frostinged hand if she refused to eat.

It would have been beautiful.

But no.  Now it just sounds like a generic yawnfest of a game.  And the only reason it will get any buyers is because some women’s groups feel the game negatively reflects on zoftig females women persons womyn wo-people.

Jeebus.