Sauna Etiquette

This post is being prompted by something that happened the other day at my gym.  I really should’ve made this a video post, but I just didn’t have the energy this weekend.

On Friday, I had done my second, vigorous cardio workout in as many days and was relaxing in the sauna afterward to stretch my poor back and legs.  There was only one other gentleman in the sauna.

He’s late 40’s (I’m guessing), tall, nice build, tan, furry chest, and a Tom Seleck moustache.  Fairly daddyish.   All the things that cb likey!

We were spaced well apart, I in a towel, him in swim trunks.  As I’m stretching I can tell he’s looking at me.  Nice, right?  And I can see from the front of his swim trunks that he’s become… excited.

He goes out to shower, and after an appropriate, non-desperate seeming two-minute interval, I followed to the showers to “cool off”.  He’s showering a few showerheads down from me, soaping up liberally, still wearing his suit which is causing him OBVIOUS discomfort at this point.

Then he shucks his drawers.

Damn, if Mister Man isn’t sporting a full on boner in the shower!

Totally hot!  And how taboo- seeing as how we are at the gym in a large, public gang shower!  Naughty, naughty man!

While he’s repeatedly soaping up his blue steel beauty, I head back into the sauna.  I figure either he will (a) follow me back in to demonstrate his interest level, or (b) finish showering and head out.  At this point I’m cool either way.

He follows back in after an appropriate, non-desperate seeming two-minute interval.

We are the only two in the sauna still, and there has been nobody else in the shower area for awhile.  Now I’M starting to get hard because HE’S hard.  But I’m waiting to see what he’s gonna do because he’s also sort of semi-demurely covering his throbbing python with his hands.

But I’m thinking something is gonna step off at this point.  Either a bit of “show and sell”, a meat sabre duel or a rousing game of “oops how did my hand get down THERE!”  I mean, the guy was sporting serious wood after all!

But then, after like two minutes– he gets up and abruptly leaves!

Quelle RUDE!

And I’m left there thinking “Oh no you DIDN’T just tease me like that and then up and leave the place without at LEAST jacking off or something!”

This got me thinking about proper Sauna Etiquette.  And not just for cruising/sex– regular etiquette too.

THE REGULAR BASICS:

(1)  Don’t make eye contact.  Just keep to yourself and mostly stare at the wall or the floor.  If you do make casual eye contact, then just do the non-threatening “hey s’up” head nod.

(2)  Use a towel to sit on (or a swimsuit).  I don’t want your ass-sweat or your short-n-curlies all over the wood bench.

(3)  Don’t dump water on the rocks unless you know it’s ok with everyone.  The sauna is supposed to be “dry” heat.  If you want “wet” heat go to a steam room.

(4)  Space out equally in the room.  Don’t sit within spatter distance of someone else.

(5)  If you do stretch, try to be mindful of those around you.  They probably don’t want a full on view of your pucker or your ballsack swinging– stuff like that.  And nobody wants to be dripped on.

(6)  Don’t shave, trim toenails, fart, spit, pee in or otherwise foul the sauna.  That’s just gross.  And if I’m brining it up… then I’ve experienced it.  Ew.

(7)  Don’t talk incessantly in the sauna.  It’s meant for relaxing, not for holding “heated debates” and such.

 

 

 

THE GAY-SICS:

(1)  Cruise with care.  Wait for the place to be nearly empty and keep a good watch for non-activity seeking men.  Don’t be one of those older guys who just freely jacks himself in the sauna regardless of who’s around.  That’s just creepy.

(2)  Have a towel or suit handy to “cover up” with in case of emergencies and   You don’t want to be caught “red handed” by some poor grandpa walking in.

(3)  If you want it, flaunt it.  When you are in the market for “somethin”, then you should put your wares on display.  If you are just in there to relax or whatever, then cover up.  In other words, don’t be a cock tease.

(4)  Don’t wear cockrings (leather, rubber, metal or otherwise) to the sauna.  That’s just too fucking desperate. (Yes, I did a post on this very phenomenon a while back).

(5)  Clean up any and all messes.  Not only does nobobody want to step in your freshly squeezed manjuice, but it can also be a slip hazzard.

(6)  Don’t spoil the mood by talking.  Everything that needs to be accomplished CAN be accomplished through gesture and facial expression.  There is no need to say anything really, and a “thank you” afterward seems trite and rather phony.

(7)  Don’t be a “third wheel”.  If you walk in to a sauna, and you see perhaps a quick cover up of the two guys already in there (or something else that leads you to believe that they were otherwise previously engaged) it’s ok to hang out for a couple minutes to see what’s up.  If they want a circle jerk, then they’ll let you know. HOWEVER, if they don’t start up again and show NO interest in you joining, then for pete’s sake be adult enough to go shower and let them finish in peace.  Geesh!

And that about covers the all the etiquette rules that I can think of.  If you have any others to add (preferably from first-hand experience) please feel free to add them in the comments section!

Please!

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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15 Responses to Sauna Etiquette

  1. Chris says:

    I assume that these rules you’ve so expertly discussed (seriously!) have been printed out and laminated in heat resistant laminating material and posted at your gym with a big picture of someone pointing where the caption reads “This means you!”

  2. Shel says:

    The first part of this story is totally hot. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the way you can determine proper etiquette in any situation — You are just too funny.

  3. Chris says:

    I plead the 5th on this one.

  4. bstewart23 says:

    If yoga has changed your life for the better, please keep that knowledge to yourself, because the only thing worse that yoga is yoga evangelism.

    No, wait, there IS one more thing worse: yoga stretching in the sauna. What, you didn’t get enough of it in your life-changing class?

  5. fixator says:

    I really need to start going to the gym…
    Great post.

  6. Alex says:

    “Don’t …fart…or otherwise foul the sauna.” Were you the perpetrator? After that recent post, just gotta ask…

    Sorry about the asshole, too. There’s obviously a need for your advice–Miss Manners doesn’t cover the sauna beat.

  7. Mark in DE says:

    Funny post! Your personal ‘experience’ was hot, although I wonder if the guy misinterpreted your “appropriate 2 minutes” as non-interest?

    Mark 🙂

  8. dirkmancuso says:

    This SO did not end the way I was expecting.

    Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

  9. Kezza says:

    Thanks for the advice. I can’t say it’s a situation I’m familiar with (or likely to find myself in any time soon) but it’s still good to know, just in case the need ever arises!

  10. so THATS how it works!! i’ve been looking for cruising/flirting rules and guidelines all my life *lol*

  11. javabear says:

    I get an education nearly every time I stop by. These are important matters everyone should know. I have no idea when or where I will use this info, but I’m glad I have it just the same. 🙂

  12. Johnny C says:

    So glad you wrote on this subject. Although I’ve never had the pleasure of sauna/steam room sex at my gym; I’ve wondered what the protocols are. Right now the worst are the Korean men who come in and exercise, doing jumping jacks, forcing everyone to leave. Must be a cultural thing.

    And yes, people need to shut up in there.

  13. curious george says:

    Very hot sauna story! That’s exactly the kind of stuff I fantasize about. I’ve only been in a sauna once, at a spa on vacation. No one else was in there so I laid down and took my towel off. One of the employees came in the room a few times and looked through the window at me. I didn’t mind him watching so I made like I didn’t see him and positioned myself so he could get a better view. After a few mins, I got up, put the towel on, walked out and past the guy and went into the locker room to change. I took the towel off and then he popped his head in and asked if I wanted another towel, I told him no thx, then his eyes dropped down to my package. He left, walked a few steps, then came back in and was checking the towel bins while continuing to sneak peeks at me. Then he walked over to one of the shower stalls across from me and pretended like he was fixing it. I knew he was watching me so I took my time toweling off and getting dressed. I think I like being watched. 🙂 I really need to find a sauna somewhere near me!!

  14. bronx says:

    Standard operating proceedures to initiate the male sauna dance:
    You scratch your pubes, lift your balls, and/or stretch your dick. Notice if anyone else does the same. If no one moves a hands toward his crotch, it means there are probably no players in the room. At least not any starters.

  15. “Sauna Etiquette | Mangina Monologues” was actually engaging and enlightening!
    In todays world honestly, that is tricky to deliver.
    Thanks, Billie

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