Well, we’ve come to that time of year again. The time when unfortunate portraits reign supreme. It’s a right of passage all teens must go through.
And then I get to use said portraits to get my cruelness on!
So, in lieu of Li’l Bastard Comix today, I present you with cb’s Senior Portrait Critique:
I ate myself all the way to Salutatorian!
Perhaps you missed the lesson on symbolism and metaphor in Senior Lit?
Does one really need a senior portrait when one is home schooled??
When I graduate, Mom says I get Dad’s bitchin’ “Midlife Crisis Vette”!
Some people see dimples as cute. I see them as deformed muscle tissue.
I know it’s hard to look enthusiastic when your future holds nothing but a failed marriage, a double-wide, and a night hostess position at IHOP.
In the future I can always tell people I was a real cheerleader instead of a chunky-thighed dance squad alternate!
Eat your heart out, Mr. Trump!
This picture choice will make so much more sense to his parents when John finally introduces them to his “roommate” Steve.
Daddy chose this one because my legs are actually together in it!
Extra large hat? Check. Extra large belt buckle? Check. Extra large teeth??
Sometimes by wearing larger glasses, a person can deemphasize certain, um… larger facial features. Sometimes.
I like this one because the air-brushing is so subtle.
Oh. My. God. I think that same chair was used in the 1983 7-Up “Uncola” commercials! Crisp and clean, no caffeine! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!
Twenty bucks says he’s an oboe player.
Candid Senior Portrait Technique #7: The Rectal Exam.
God, are you sure this will make my vagina “pine fresh”?
I bet you think because you are artistic nobody understands you, when the truth is they just don’t understand that hairsytle. Or your choice in hats.
Sadly, Stacy would never come any closer to achieving her dream of becoming a Playboy Bunny than this.
Who needs a boyfriend when this little wiener LOVES peanut butter!
Well, at least the bagpipes provide you with an excellent excuse as to why boys don’t call.
All the shadows in the world won’t hide the fact that it looks like you’re ready to give birth to a double beef burrito supreme.
I guarantee this is the one and only stick she’ll ever handle.
I think I just sharted in my good linen pants.
I always say, document your body before the hair loss and beer gut. And you got there Just in time!
Kelly, you are priceless!