I have a confession– I was on Manhunt this past Sunday.
Yeah yeah, I see those wagging fingers. But you know something? I’m a guy. By myself. On a Sunday. With a computer. And internet access. And a penis.
And that’s basically the recipe for a little harmless online cruising. Which happened. Take, for example, the interesting exchange I had with one boy.
I call him a boy because he was all of 26 or so (well below my age cutoff limit) but he was darn cute so I unlocked my naughty-zone pictures for him as he requested. Like I care if he saw my bits and pieces. He was far too young for consideration, but not for flirting with.
Little did I know this would start a very interesting chain of emails, which I’ll attempt to reproduce here.
For the sake of anonymity, we shall call the boy “StonerPig26”. This is NOT his real online name, but it should be.
StonerPig26: Dude, u are hot! I would love to fuck ur butt today! I have a huge bowl of tasty weed here- something tells me I’m not going to get any of my work done today!!!
Me: Well, don’t let ME stop you from doing your work. I need to get out and about myself because its a nice day. I want to ride my bike today.
[some time passes]
StonerPig26: Dude, I’m heading out to my friend Stacy’s place. We’re gonna get baked and then I’m gonna grade these papers. I’ll check with you later see if you wanna fuck.
[more time passes]
During this time I went for my bike ride, practiced my trombone, grocery shopped, ate dinner, and then checked messages. Unfortunately I had been logged in the entire time. I came back to several messages from the boy.
All of these were in a row, with absolutely no response from me.
StonerPig26: Dude! I’m so stoned! Just got home and I want to clean up a bit. I could bring the 420 and we could fuck crazy.
StonerPig26: I think i’m too stoned to drive. I just wanna go out to a bar and drink. I’m sort of an alcoholic so I probably shouldn’t but I still wanna.
StonerPig26: Just had vodka and grape juice… prolly my last one. Don’t think i’ll make it over for fucking. Sorry to bail on you. I just think I’d be too giggly and unable to do much because I’m so fucking wasted. Damn this smoke is good!
StonerPig26: Just got White Castle. mmmmmmmm
StonerPig26: Man, I would totally love to hook up sometime. Sorry I’ve been such a flake today. Hit me up next week. Maybe we can meet up for a drink.
Ah… joy. An alcoholic stoner 26-year old TEACHER hitting me up online. Nice. Its so gratifying to know that I’ve now reached the age where I can expect this sort of thing.
I’m not ready to play “daddy” yet.
Mangina Monologues 
Nice…a teacher even. God help the future of our country if that is what they are learning from…
Momma always said “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I think I’ll follow her advice. For once.
Truly an proponent of “higher” education!
White Castle, even when you’re stoned….I’ll take the high road (oops, that just came out) with Alexander and not say anything.
Okay, so he’s not exactly “husband material”, but doesn’t it feel kinda good when a “younger” guy is attracted to you?
Mark 🙂
I’ll refrain.
I love the quote “I’m not ready to play “daddy” yet.”
It’s as if the daddy role is an inevitability that you have accepted. Like you have your daddy-gear all ready and tucked away for when the day comes. I picture a pipe and bow tie.
Reminds me of the scene in Swingers when he’s leaving the voice mails. He had a whole relationship in a single afternoon!
Playing daddy would be more fun if it wasn’t with a problem child.
I’m so glad he was woo-ing you for sex. I mean, when I hear a guy say “I wanna fuck your butt”… I mean, that’s right up there with “man-pussy”!
please… you’re right though CB… 26, snap, too young.
Mark – There are plenty of younger guys attracted to CB… I should know!
Remarkably, no one has commented on your “naughty-zone pictures”…
does that win me a prize?
of course shirley gonna take it blue.
bitch beat me to it
post em
Heh! See, this is why I can’t make heads or tails of Manhunt.
Duuuuuuude, that was like, a totally aaaaaaaawsome post.
Bring the little stoner over and let him “fuck your butt.” There’s something to be said for young – trust me on that one, duuuuuuuuuuuude.
Besides, when you’re done you can plop him in front of the TV, flip on MTV, and he’ll be entertained for hours.
damn, who the hell can fuck while baked?
oh, maybe it’s just me…
26 and hooked on the chronic.
Pass.