Many moons ago (November 2006!) I did a post entitled “Why Won’t Tenacious D Die Already”. It was a rant that I did after seeing them perform on some awards show or something. I honestly don’t remember the reason- other than seeing them made my vision go red.
My original post was indeed harsh– but warranted given the abortion that is “Tenacious D”. And truth be told, it still amuses me to read. The post is short so feel free to read it, but if you aren’t so inclined let me shorthand it for you:
I absolutely detest Jack Black.
Can’t stand him. Don’t find him funny. Don’t for the life of me understand why he keeps getting roles in films. And his band Tenacious D sucks bloody, pus-filled, hemmoroid ass.
That being said, I had blissfully forgotten about Tenacious D- and although Jack Black is still an employed actor (why???), the movies mostly seem to be tanking so I just mark them all as “Never See” and go on quietly living my life.
I got a comment from “Marcus” on my original post. He was offended by my rant, which naturally gives me incredible fodder for today’s blog post. I am posting his entire comment (in italics) and my repsonses (in bold).
You know your opinions don’t really represent majority right? Cause I get that impression from this rant.
Really? Shocker. But my opinions seemed to resonate with all the people who commented on the post before you did, so suck on THAT motherfucker!
Oh and in case you’re hoping, I’m not instantly adhering to this just because I don’t like the D myself.
While it’s gratifying that you don’t like “the D”, let me reflect for a moment…. Nope. Not hoping and don’t care.
So you don’t like them. Is it necessary to go for a pathetic attempt at humiliating them? What have they done to you? They’re just a band. Not a crime to be in a satirical rock band!
First of all, I wasn’t trying to humiliate them- I was merely exercising free speech in my corner of the blogisphere to the ten or so readers I had at that time.
Second, I really don’t think you can consider them a ‘band’– they’re really a less-masculine, pathologically unfunny, drag version of the Indigo Girls.
Third, actually I DO think what Tenacious D perpetrates is a crime. They assault people’s eyes, ears and intelligence. And their incredible lameness makes baby Jesus cry.
And also, your rant seems to move from a criticism of Tenacious D, to a criticism of JB and KG as individuals, and i felt that was really overboard.
What exactly was overboard? The part about me thinking “KG” would be flipping burgers or ODing in a crack den if “JB” didn’t totally haul his fat, untalented boat-anchor of an ass around? The part where I wanted to punch the Devil in the throat for continuing to promote “JB” in Hollywood? Or the part where I would give God a big thumbs up if Tenacious D took a flight on “Buddy Holly Airlines” into a cornfield somewhere?
Just to clarify, I am not really a big fan of the D my self. I think their lyrics are very stupid and make no sense to me. I am not attempting to take a side here. I am not going to “the D sucks ass” or “the D rocks” point. I just do not like the way you attempt to express your dislike for the band. There are much better alternatives than post a random rant full of vulgarities for no reason. Maybe people would be less negative towards your thoughts if you actually bothered to try and rationalize your hate
Rationalize my hate?? WTF! Perhaps you don’t fully comprehend why blogging really exists, so I will tell you. Blogging is a means for average people to voice their harshest criticism in a public forum. Its ALL about posting random rants full of vulgarities for no motherfucking reason. And the beauty part of it is- if you don’t agree with it, you can click off the page, asshole! Its not like you are being forced to read this shit. Christ! What did you have for breakfast yesterday, a big bowl of Communism?
Oh, and try reading the other comments next time. You are the only one who has been “negative toward my thoughts” you dumbfuck.
If you really had nothing else to post about, I feel sad for you, because you have absolutely no life.
This comment coming from someone who evidently did a blog search for Tenacious D.
I hope you will stop making posts like this, for its just stupid, ill-organized and offensive to many fans of Tenacious D.
Yeah. “The D”s legion of fans have been hate mailing me for years about this post. When they aren’t attending the oh-so-numerous concert events that is.
Suck on THIS piece, Marcus.
I DO LOVE YOU SO!
I literally had to stop reading and go to the bathroom or I would have wet myself laughing so hard! You can be a harsh bitch, but so can I and it IS what makes blogging so fun!
Oh my god this was funny!
Awww, come on, tell Marcus what you REALLY think!
That’s funny. People do Google searches of their favorite people and when they see one mean thing, they tend to pounce. Truthfully, I don’t think his comment was THAT bad. He was somewhat respectful. You should see some of things I’ve gotten from fans of Dr. Phil’s no-talent wife, Robin. I did a post called “Robin McGraw Sux Donkey Dick” a couple years ago and it continues to bring out the crazy, though the majority agree with what I wrote. I only had to delete a few death threats.
The funny thing is, if you Google just her name, my post comes up on the first page of results. Dr. Phil must hate me! The second funny thing is, now when people Google “I Love Robin McGraw”, your site featuring this post will eventually come up in the results. cb hates Robin McGraw!
I pass the baton to you, my friend. Enjoy the crazy!
Hmmm…I’m thinking that “Marcus” is in reality Jack Black…or maybe I have it wrong and he’s actually “Boat-Anchor-Ass” KG.
These are the times that I’m so happy to be so ignorant of pop culture. I have heard the name “Tenacious D” but I didn’t know they were a band (sounded like some random rap name to me) and I have no idea what they look or sound like.
So I went to YouTube and looked.
Wow, that’s really stupid and not funny.
Boy, if that comment (Marcus’) isn’t pissing in the wind. What on earth was the point? I mean if it was a fresh post by Perez Hilton (who’s every word gets magnified through the gay-o-sphere) then, yeah, I could see venting, I suppose.
Not to say that the gayosphere doesn’t hang on your every word as well! 😛
You’re too funny! That’s probably one of your better posts.
i hate fucking jack black/tenacious d.
Yeah, we’re probably going to see a video of him tearfully crying, mascara running on YouTube, “Leave Tenacious D Alone!”
Marcus is a dumbass, Marcus is a dumbass! (Little kid sing-song tune) C’mon sing it with me now! Why you ask, just because I can!!! Your blog is like your home. Readers are like your guest. Don’t like the visit? Get the fuck out!
Absolutely LOVE this post — and the responses. WOW. I too cannont stand the “D” … and ESPECIALLY Jack Black. Don’t you just love to play head games with people, especially when their heads are so hollow. I think you blog is great and it is certainly entertaining…
Why don’t I ever get well organized, thought out “hate mail” like this? I curse, I rant, I randomly slam the fucktards in my life…and nothing.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees them for the grating, talentless hacks that they are.
You Bloody suck, who do you think you are. What balls you have disssing a fucking awesome band. How about i come over to you and play tenacious d so loud that it will make your ears bleed, your mom cry and your head explode! How about that. Would you like that, huh?
Next time you tease Tenacious D look for a Ninja with an airsoft gun!!!
I’m watching those 2 retards on Spike TV right now, in a live concert performance.I’ve got a wide variety of tastes in comedy and music, but this just sucks. 2 fat guys making 5 year-old faces and over-exaggerating the lyrics, which are totally rediculous. You have to be either in the 15 to 25 range to find this funny, or just still be in that menatlity at a higher age. The only thing that could make this concert really entertaining is if GWAR were to show up and just kill everyone
I never understood the point of that so-called “band either” its just.. dumb. Everytime I see them in their self promotion I can’t help but think of the phrase:
“one man’s failed dream”
It is so lame. And unlike so many other people ” something doesn’t become ‘awesome’ because it is bad.
I ****** hate the “Its so bad its good” kind of logic ! That’s the kind of idiocy bands like the Tenacious D thrive on !
Like.. “meet the spartans” and “superbad” while some previous spoof movies are admittedly funny.. those two are not. They are just bad.
I don’t see what the big deal is, they suck just as muc as anything else that sucks and their not even real people, JB is eddie murphy in a fat suit and KG is computer generated.
Don’t even see how Tenacious D’s songs are music. They’re too lame to be classified as music.
Screw you Guys! Tenacious D is the best!
Not everyone love Jesus!
Tenacious D is awesomely funny 😆
You know what? Just try making better music than them, and then we’ll see. “Period”.
Fuck I hate this band and Jack Black, don’t understand for the life of me why anyone finds him or TD funny. Seriously, take their (probably) most popular song, ‘the best song in the world’ one, and convert that to a joke instead of a song: ‘so we ran into the devil, and he demanded that we tell the best joke in the world or he’ll have our souls, so we told him the best joke ever, and this joke is not that joke but just a tribute to it.’..yeah, not very fucking funny is it.
fuck i hate this band
Jack Black fucking sucks….Tenacious D Fucking sucks….anyone who likes them and thinks they are a good “band” – they fucking suck too!!! Jack Black sings like a bad parody of Bill Murray’s disgusting lounge singer of old SNL skits…I’ve got it!!! Tenacious D is like a horrible mixture of dungeons and dragons terminology and bill murray’s horrible lounge singer parody. Fuck Tenacious D!!!!
Honestly…what has happened to people? How could we have gone from Hendrix, Cream, Van Halen, Stevie Ray…. to fucking tenacious lame ass suck butt cum gargling tenacious D??? 2 Fucking fatties warbling like cats in heat? Who REALLY likes this stuff??? REALLY???
There’s almost as much talent in Tenacious D as there is bitterness and cynicism on this blog!
When did everyone in the world turn into such whiney fucking cry-baby elitist assholes? Does everything in the world have to be a pretentious piece of artsy bullshit to be enjoyed? There are far worse things than Tenacious D out there in comedy and in music.