What the FUCK is up with your spelling and your grammar? Christ! It took me over an hour just to decipher what you wanted… and that’s an hour Santa could’ve spent drinking. Just for that I’ll be bringing you the Eszy Bacer oven you asked for– fresh from China with lead paint and bad wiring. Have fun burning and poisoning yourself.
P.S. What the hell kind of name is Daryn?
Dear Devin and Makala-
Its obvious to me that you guys probably live in some sort of group home or foster care. Probably because you were naughty enough that your real parents didn’t want you. So what makes you think I want to bring you presents? How about you both just be grateful for another year of sucking up taxpayer money.
Thanks you for thinking that I’m ‘awesom’. I think I am too. And things are just fine at the Pole, thank you for asking. As to whether I think you were good this year… well, lets just say all that masturbation you are doing while thinking about your sister isn’t pushing you into the ‘nice’ column. Perhaps instead of video games, I should bring you a year’s worth of therapy sessions instead you sick fuck.
P.S. Nice artwork. What’d you draw that with– your left foot?
I’m assuming that’s your name because its at the bottom of the page. Perhaps your crackhead mother didn’t explain how this works, so I’m going to. I only bring presents to children who can write coherent sentences. Do you know what “coherent” means? It means something that doesn’t look like you wiped your dog’s ass with it! Be sure to explain this to your mother when you get no presents this year.
Ho ho ‘HO!
Mmmm, Santa likey! Looks like you’ve made my ‘naughty AND nice’ list! How ’bout if I bring the milk to go with that cookie?
P.S. If you are really good, perhaps Santa won’t only come once this year!
I recognize your handwriting from last year, and it looks like you are still borderline retarded. I think I’m going to hold off on giving you that ‘baby’ you want- mainly because I think your Papaw is planning on giving you one of those himself when you are 14. Oh, and thank you for the cookies and milk. After a hard night of delivering toys to ungrateful children, nothing says ‘refreshing’ like a nice glass of room temperature milk!
p.s. I was being sarcastic about the milk, you dumb twat
Dear “friend” Ivan M-
Are you a stinkin’ Commie? I bet you are with a name like Ivan. Thanks for asking me if I’m fat- like THAT never gets old. Fuck you. Are YOU fat? And since you have brown hair and brown eyes, Hitler would have had you thrown your ass into a concentration camp during World War II just like he did to your grandparents. And you know what I would have brought you for Chrismas? A cyanide capsule. Just thought you might like to know that, you little bastard.
-Your ‘friend’ Santa
P.S. the only reindeer name you need to worry about is “Blitzkrieg”.
You are most welcome for the gifts, and once again you’ve been such a good child this year! Instead of a GameCube, I thought I might bring you one of those Nintendo Wii’s instead. Along with ALL of the games that come with it. Would you like that? Uh oh. Because you didn’t sign your name or put a proper address on your letter, I don’t know where to deliver it! I guess I’ll just have to give it to your best friend Timmy instead. Merry Christmas.
Nice bar graph! Looks like we got ourselves a little Wharton School of Business graduate here. However, I was wondering if I could possibly see the actual “data” that supports this graph? Oh, I can’t? And do you know WHY? Because your ‘very bad’ to ‘very good’ measurements are UNDEFINED and COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE! What a goddamn moron! There is no quantifiable output here! So why the FUCK would you choose to show your subjective, pulled-out-of-your-ass results graphically? Jesus. How about I wrap up a nice “Graphing for Dummies” book and put it under your tree?