Ten Things Meme

I got tagged with a Meme– yet another 10 Questions.  So if memes haven’t driven you over the edge yet, maybe this one will effectively push you into going on a shooting rampage at a mall…

1. When you were born, how much did you weigh?

I took my first breath in Davenport, Iowa back in nineteen ought nine… give or take.  It was a hot summer when I oozed forth from the foul gyne-tentiary (i.e. mom’s va-jay-jay) weighing a mere 7 pounds, six ounces.  I was all black-haired and pointy-skulled… and not much has changed.  Except now I’m ‘salt and pepper.  And fatter.
 

2. What’s your sugar poison?

 

Anything chocolate.  Anything.  When I was little, my pappy always said, “cb- you’d eat a chocolate covered turd and love it!”  And thus began my interest in scat…
 

3. If you had to choose between meat and cheese for the rest of your life, which would you choose? Then be specific.

Cheese- I just LOVE cheese… rally I do.  This was an easy choice.  You don’t have to kill any animals to get cheese, and you don’t have to cook it if you don’t want to.  Its a great source of protein, and if you eat baked brie it smells like (and has the consistency of) semen.  And cheese comes in so many other flavors BESIDES semen.  Mmmmmm.

4. What, is your opinion, is the worst song ever?
Two that spring to mind are “Heart of Gold” by Neil Young, and that damn song by the Cranberries where they basically yodel (Zombie perhaps)?  Icky.  The Cranberries song actually makes me angry.  I mimic it very loudly and angrily and scream back at the radio when I hear it.  No other song does that for me I don’t think.

5. Who was your favorite teacher growing up and why?

I’d have to say my junior high art teacher Mrs. Green.  She was just so COOL always.  And she really let us explore art however we wanted, even if we didn’t obey the art project to the letter.  She was also the art teacher who first showed (and then let me experiment) with throwing pots on the potter’s wheel.  It was a HUGE deal because not very many kids got to use that equipment.  My mother still has the first pot I ever made this way.
 

6. What personal activity, when performed in public, bothers you the most?

It totally depends on the place, but yeah- nose picking bothers me.  And the thing is… I do it!  The pick in the car while at a stoplight, I’m ok with.  I figure you are seeing someone do that in THEIR environment.  But I had an old boss that would get out his hanky (yes, a hanky) and sit and pick his nose with it DURING A MEETING.  For me that’s just unacceptable.

A close second was seeing people pray over a meal at a fast food restaurant.  Third was people who talk REALLY LOUDLY on their stupid fucking bluetooth earpiece thingies.

7. Ok, there’s a $50 bill lying on the ground. You pick it up. Dumbfounded by your incredible luck, what do you selfishly purchase?

Gosh, could be anything.  I’d probably use it to put a down payment on a new pair of boots or something.  Or buy DVDs.  Or music.  Or some accessory for my iPhone.

8. Do you have a recurring nightmare? If so, explain.

Tornados.  When I have nightmares, 90% of the time it involves a tornado with me watching it coming straight for me  and I’m literally paralyzed with fear.  Usually the dream involves me being in a crowd, looking up through some huge plate-glass window, and not being able to scream to warn people about it.  It all stems from when two F-4 tornados destroyed most of my hometown one night when I was 5.  
 

9. Name one place on Earth you’ve never been, but vow to visit at least once.

 

Africa.  I want to go on a safari and see the animals in their natural habitat before they are all gone.  Especially giraffes.  Zebras and cheetahs, too, but I really like giraffes because they are so beautiful and so fucked up.  And so an evolutionary marvel. 

10. You notice that question #9 wasn’t really a question. You feel smart for catching such a small detail. What else can you do really well that reminds you how smart you are?

I seem to remember things like movie dialogue, commercials, songs, lyrics, and such and then can recall and quote them at opportune (and somtimes inappropriate) times.  Mostly to annoy the fuck out of others.