The “Trojan” War

I knew that our little military excursion into Iraq was going to have far reaching repercussions.  It has already touched our lives in major ways (death, loss of freedom, increased terrorism, high gas prices, bankrupt nation, etc).  But then there are the countless little ways– quietly sneaking themselves into our everyday lives. 

The gas station men’s room was the last place I expected to have it thrust in my face (and not in a good way).

Whilst casually urinating, I glanced over at the dilapidated, condom vending machine.  This is what I saw:


I know the text is fuzzy, but it says: French FREEDOM Tickler– Tickle Her Fancy with the Real Thing!  Its the Patriotic thing to do!


They still kept ‘french’ on the label (albeit in small text) in case you didn’t know exactly what a Freedom Tickler was, I suspect.  Its heartwarming to know that our country is so patriotic and powerful, that when someone like France stands “against” us in our war that we can simply replace them in our culture.

Freedom Fries.  Freedom Toast.  And now a “Freedom” Tickler.

You know, I LOVE to ‘Freedom’ kiss.  And watching a smoker do the ‘Freedom’ inhale is pretty fucking cool.

I can hear high school teachers now.  “Um kids?  Today we choose our electives for the upcoming semester.  Would you like to take Spanish or Freedom?”

Oh, and I hear Hollywood is going to remake the movie “Grease” and call one of the Pink Ladies “Freedomie”.

I particularly love the use of the Statue of Liberty and the red-n-white striped “patriotic” flag.  Personally, though, I’m surprised that they didn’t use the World Trade Center as the background for even more effect.  You know, wrap your “tower” in our product.

But then it would probably have to be marketed as a twin pack.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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6 Responses to The “Trojan” War

  1. Alexander says:

    Your new banner image succinctly sums up our entire nation. Bravo, my friend!

  2. bythebayou says:

    Dude, keep up. Since Sarkozy’s election, we LIKE the French. So now they’re OK.

    The Spanish are still on outs but other than some manchego cheese at Whole Foods I don’t think Spanish products have much visibility here.

  3. JunkThief says:

    Do you Freedom Kiss on the first date?

  4. atari_age says:

    Did you know the congressman who passed the whole “Freedom Fries” thing in congress is – now – totally against the war and rather vocal. Now, he’s about to lose his GOP primary fight.


    And re: the banner image… um, what is it? I have weird guesses, but…

  5. Ray says:

    You should go up to the Northwoods with Kyle for a day. That was a whole experience in patriotism.

    Alas, we are now well on our way to recession, like the last Bush, and we have shit to show for it.

    And I am lost on the image too. I have wierd ideas as well. Is this some bizarre curio in your mother’s china cabinet when you were a child?

  6. Donnie says:

    And to add to Atari_Age’s comment…I live in the NC 3rd Congressional district of Rep. Walter B. Jones (R) who originally touted the whole “Freedom Fries” moniker coined by restauranteur Neal Rowland (of Cubbie’s in Beaufort, NC). Rep. Jones now wants out of Iraq and Mr. Rowland withdrew his support for Rep. Jones.

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