Blast from my past

I got a damn phonecall yesterday from the love of my life.

 Well, ex-love of my life- or whatever the term is for someone who toyed with your heart and who was always emotionally unavailable yet you still somehow wanted them desperately and still think about them often– called.

He left a voice message that because it was drum and bugle corps season, he was thinking about me and he wanted to say ‘hey’.


“Jim” (we shall call him that because it is his name) and I began our relationship, gosh… 7 years ago now?  It started during a chat session on AOL in one of the m4m rooms.  Somehow we bumped into each other’s profiles… and it took off from there.  We both were into music (he loved DCI!), he played an instrument, composed music, invented board games, was athletic and whip-smart, and was just generally a cool guy.  Naturally I was smitten.

We chatted (by computer and phone) for hours.  The discussions never got dull as we talked about philosphy and books and music and… Life!  Everything- and nothing.  It didn’t matter, because we were connecting and I wanted that connection to go on forever.

We eventually agreed to meet.  He lived about an hour away, so it took some planning.  The first time Jim came to my house, I was so nervous.  He was handsome too!  I was so shy around him that I didn’t even want to touch him for fear I’d screw something up.  Or worse… be rejected!  Thank goodness he dispelled all of those thoughts and feelings when he pushed me up against a wall and kissed me.  It took my breath away.

The sex was the really good, tear-the-clothes-off-and-fuck-so-hard-you-fall-off-the-bed kind.  And then afterward we would lie about naked and talk again about everything and nothing while we got all sticky.

We started having sex off and on after that day for a couple years.  It was sometimes difficult to arrange times as he ended up moving even further away, but we still managed.  In the end, this became a real problem for his wife and 4 daughters, though.

Yeah— he was a married man.  And still is.

I knew he was married early on, but I fell for him anyway.  I think I secretly harbored this notion that he would eventually get a divorce.  I even told him once that any time he wanted he could live with me.  But deep down I knew he was never going to leave his wife and kids.  In fact, he came out to his wife a couple years ago.  And they are still together and working through it… with God’s help.

The whole thing has been difficult for me as I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life before.   I honestly didn’t think I could ever feel that way, but it is a good thing to know that I can.  And it sucks to know that I can.

I thought I was over him, but then he leaves that damn voicemail message with his sexy voice which still thrills my heart just a little bit.  Damn him for still thinking of me too, and stirring all of these old feelings that put my stomach in knots.

Hey back.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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8 Responses to Blast from my past

  1. kyle says:

    did you mean to end your post with hey.?

    oh, and ignore your voicemail – i remember him now.

    we all have that guy in our lives – i have two, ron & nick – if i ever heard from them i would be totally in your place…

    and contrary to your beleif, i think it’s good to know your capable of feeling that way…


  2. Gavin says:

    Something is in the air. My ex has been calling and writing over the past 3 weeks after 9 months of silence. Ugh. It is easier on me than you, though, since I don’t really want anything to do with him. Stay strong.

    BTW, love the new toothless wonder quote!

  3. Kevin says:

    Yeah, those married guys’ll getcha every time.

    Oddly, “working through it with God’s help” was never an option for me.

  4. colaboy29 says:

    Why are there so many married guys out there who love to have gay sex? I’m sorry this one keeps getting under your skin.

  5. Delete the voice mail now and find someone on Manhunt.

  6. Donnie says:

    What the hell is it with married (or otherwise unavailable) men??

    Men……can’t kill ’em, or can we??

  7. danny says:

    keep th memories but forget about the guy. it’ll only make things harder for you to move on. there’s another guy out there who will appreciate your feelings for him and make you a top priority. you are always going to be second or third with this ex.

  8. Jim says:

    We do all have ’em. I ran into mine and the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks came to mind. We had a torrid affair and now he has the soccer mom wife and five (!) kids!

    So you post hit an emotional point with me.

    Let it go!

    It’s hard, but let him go!

    You have mini-Jake to drool over!

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