Well, I don’t know if this qualifies as embarassing or ‘shame-filled’, but since its gay, I’ll relate it.
When I was about 14 (and discovering myself… a LOT) I discovered that my mother had a stash of “Playgirl” magazine. Don’t ask me how I found it in the back of her closet– I honestly don’t remember. I think it was that I found one once that was sort of more out in the open, and then went on a hunt to find them.
I knew about my parent’s porn from quite an early age (8 or so). My father had old playboys in his dresser (I’d already gone through those) and the occasional Hustler… yikes! I didn’t know women could pull themselves open THAT far! But I was done with all that straight stuff– I wanted to see MEN equipment.
Anyway, when i would get home from school and was horny– and lets face it, that was about EVERY day back then– I would sneak into my parents room and root in her closet for her porn.
I would take great care in noting the exact position of the Playgirl in my mother’s closet so that I could replace it EXACTLY as I found it. Nobody would be the wiser and I could gaze at hot mancock to my heart’s content.
There was something extra exciting about looking at these magazines. Not just the fact that they were men, but the fact that I just knew it was wrong and could potentially be caught. It added to the excitement, the tightness in my stomach and groin.
I would place the Playgirl at the edge of my parent’s bed, and kneel on the floor while looking at it. Gingerly, I would turn the pages so as not to wrinkle them. Once I found a desirable image, I would get to work and fire off a few knuckle children. Then I would clean up and ever-so-carefully place the magazine back in its secure location.
Except that one time I forgot.
I don’t know what the fuck happened (I think I got a phonecall or something) and I completely spaced off the fact that I had left the magazine out on the bed. I was watching TV when my mom got home from work.
She went into her bedroom to change clothes, and I still didn’t remember. Then she came out of her room.
“Cb– um, were you in my closet today?” she asked.
OMFG. I wanted to die. And so what do I do? I lie the most unconvincing lie ever in my life.
“No– why do you ask?”
I was met with silence, and she turned and went back to her room. I think I died a bit that day inside. To this day, I still feel the guilt and shame like a ball of ice in the pit of my stomach when I think about it.
Mangina Monologues 
I left an empty condom package on the bathroom sink cabinet from an after school quicky with a football player from high school. I fogot I had left it there until my mother chimes up at dinner time, “I’d like to know who left the condum wrapper on the bathroom counter.” That comment falls under mortified.
Knuckle Children – funny. I’m going to have to remember that one.
Sorry – wrong spelling – CONDOM. Jeesh – I hate my fat fingers.
Everyone has a story like that. I stole the playgirls and my parents found them. sheesh. and I know of stories of people who were caught in their moms clothes. maybe that is not as obviously gay tho’? Hmmm.
Yeah. I almost got caught with my mom’s PG too. She suspected I had been looking at it (with my female cousin) but she never actually saw me with it — just that I quickly hid something when she walked in my room as we were looking at it.
I disappeared shortly thereafter after I put it back though.
Ahhh, the memories.
Man, I am soooo old. The best I could hope for were “health & fitness” magazines when I was a teenager. And my mom and porn… I just can’t picture it. Okay, I can. But it’s not a pretty picture. And yeah, knuckle children, that one is getting written down for later use. Thanks CB, I always learn something new reading this blog!
GCC — I stole PG’s too!