Done with Kevin

Yes, I’m officially done with baptist, virgin, UNC fan Kevin. Through. Kaput. Over. Finito. The End. Arrivederci. Sionara suckwad.

So here’s the poop- get ready to take a big whiff.

Being the ‘instant karma (read as: gratification)’ type guy that I am, I decided that since I sort of liked Kevin and because my curiosity was peaked, I would give him a call. This was last Sunday after a group brunch where my friends disected Kevin and my gamenight firtations.

I SWEAR to Buddha that I had my flirt set on ‘stun’ only.

My friends were convinced that our smiles and our verbal sparring were signs of impending marriage. And heartened by this, I gave Kevin a call. The phone conversation went something like this:

Kevin: Hello?

CB: Hey, this is _________. I was just wondering if you were maybe though with church and family obligations today and if you were potentially free.

K: Yeah, I’m done with all that. And was going to go work out.

CB: Ok, well I’m going to see the movie “pan’s labyrinth” today and was wondering if you might like to join me.

K: Well… um, I haven’t actually seen a film in about 5 years…

CB: ….???? (pause- sensing impending doom and/or Kevin trying to shun me) Wow- this is a critically acclaimed fantasy piece set in Spain at the end of WWII. Its supposed to be quite good, but it may not be a good ‘jump back into cinema’ film for you.

K: Well, I need to work out, but it should only take an hour. Lemme call you after I’m done to see if I can get to the theater on time for it.

CB: Sure. I’m just going to be hanging at the mall until showtime. Give me a call.

K: Will do.

And there was no phone call. Not before the movie. Not after the movie. Nothing. So I texted him after the film a short little blurb like “you missed a good film, I highly recommend you check it out” or something equally passive aggressive.

No reply. For a week.

And so friday rolls around, and I’m still curious about Kevin, although I’m a bit peeved about not receiving any sort of communication from him. So I figure he gets ONE more chance (yes, I’m a glutton for punishment). I called on Friday evening and this conversation went like this:

CB: Hey Kev- I have basically a free weekend with nothing major planned. I was just wondering if you might like to get together at some point.

K: Um, yeah. I can’t tonight because I have a work function I have to go to. And I leave for Florida on Sunday and have a ton of laundry to do, and then the packing, but sure. Give me a call on Saturday so we can see what’s up.

CB: No problem. Talk to you tomorrow.

So I called on Saturday and of course got his voice mail. I left him a message to call me when he was free, and that I was just playing some volleyball because it was nice out, etc.

Once again- nothing. No call. No fucking text message either.

Really??? I mean…. REALLY? He just dropped his candy in the dirt.

And the funny thing is that he isn’t ‘all that’. Hell, I’m more ‘all that’ than he is and this is the rejection I’m getting? I’m worth way more than the ‘that’ that he has to offer. Of course now I need to go all pretty woman on his ass and find a gorgeous boyfriend and then see him at the next game night and say “big mistake. huge”.

What a pisser.

About cb

Nickname: Munt Measurements: 45 B, 34, 38(?) Ambition: to be the best human ever! Turn ons: long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, porn, rainbows, cock Turn offs: bad smell face, men who are full of themselves, dead puppies, popcorn, sadness
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10 Responses to Done with Kevin

  1. Glenn says:

    This is definitely not the kind of person to waste your time on. Someone who doesn’t even return a text message? Rude, inconsiderate, immature – did I mention rude? Throw that fish back in the dirty water.

  2. kelly says:


  3. Donnie says:

    Well cb, I’m glad you found out that he was a “heel”. If nothing else, good manners above all else. You gave him enough opportunity to meet you halfway.

    Sorry it turned out crappy.

  4. Rich says:

    Having come across your site recently, you did the right thing as a person and for karma. And having seen a PW rerun this weekend, “(you) have to go shopping now.” He’s not the one.

  5. Ray says:

    Hrm – well, for the best it seems. You can’t be faulted for trying and following your instincts so fuck him very much.

    It’ll be interesting to hear about the next time you run into him. He’s a very, ummm…interesting sounding fellah…yeah, that’s a nice way to say it.


  6. kevin says:

    It sounds like you have given him ample opportunities. Fact is if he was keen he would have contacted you immediately to arrange a meeting. Also if he was keen he would have put off a work out.

    He doesnt sound like a nice catch to me. If he doesnt have decent manners which are a common curtesy then he isnt worth knowing to be honest.

    Kev in NZ

  7. BRETTCAJUN says:

    Sounds like he is a busy body that makes false promises. Or maybe he is one of those individuals that creates a huge ass menu of choices, and picks the best thing to do at any given time. (and thus always disappoints)

    I would MOVE ON and chalk it up as HIS LOSS. Especially since you are WAY MORE fabulous than he is. He’ll see the error of his ways the next time you split your pants on the dance floor and your hot ass comes out. 😉

  8. 9W says:

    hehehe brett said fabulous!

  9. Kevin says:

    I HATE guys who tell you to call them, then bitch about you calling too much. It pisses me off.

    We are so alike in that matter though …

    (and I hate it when bad Kevin’s give good Kevin’s a bad name.)

  10. knottyboy says:

    What an asshat that schmuck is. Have some frigging balls and say it like it is instead of this bs. Why do people do that? No I’m not interested. Period, end of story. Not this schoolboy crap of, lemmie see, well not now. Just no. I bet he drives a hummer or big SUV you’d really loved him in the sack.

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