We had our department Christmahannukwanzicali celebration lunch at one of our finest local eateries. This is one of two joints in town where you can go with a large group and eat a meal that isn’t packaged in a wax paper wrapping. Unless you opt for mexican food. Anyway, we are at our table and our waitress comes by to fill our drinks.
The head of our department(for the sake of anonymity we shall call here Elena) was drinking the omnipresent ‘Sweet Tea’. But true to her micromanaging, high maintenance self she wants ‘no ice’. The waitress was trying to fill Elena’s glass with a pitcher of sweet tea filled to the very brim with (what else?) ice.
So our waitress tries to s-l-o-w-l-y pour the tea into the glass.
Plop- one ice cube.
Plop- another ice cube.
Elena reasserts the fact that she doesn’t want ice at this point. So our waitress sets down the glass, puts her FINGER at the lip of the pitcher, and proceeds to pour the rest of the glass full of tea.
Everyone at the table is in awe. My eyes are now agleam with unadulterated Christmas delight at the display of pure-t white-trashiness. Elena says, “Um, did you wash your hands first?” To which our waitress replies, “Heck, I’ve washed ’em like 20 times already today. But if its a problem I can get you a new glass.”
Elena just sort of shook her head and the waitress left.
The table slowly started to resume normal conversation and was pseudo-pretending that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Fortunately I was not about to let such a prime opportunity pass.
I started chuckling. And then I started giggling uncontrollably. Everyone at the table started looking down to my end. I just had to look at them all and I said, “Oh my God! That was the most deliciously white trash thing I have seen in such a long time!”
And then being the ham and attention whore that I am I start mimicking the waitress by coughing and hacking onto my hand and then saying in my best southern, cigarette choked drawl, “Aw, Sweetie, here lemme get that ice for ya” as I pantomime fishing the ice out of a glass with my fingers.
This naturally got the table going and everyone started in on the fun. It was quite possibly the best department lunch event ever.
Then it got better.
A different waitress came by and Elena asked for a glass of Sweet Tea with no ice. The waitress looked down and said, “Uh- isn’t that what you already got in front of ya?” There was a pause and Elena said “Yes, but um…..”
And then a different person at the table jumped in quickly and finished with, “… there was something IN that one.”
I started snickering again and the table could barely contain laughter until this waitress left.
And it all couldn’t have happened to a nicer boss.